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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27960305">Serendipity</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisbeautifullight/pseuds/thisbeautifullight'>thisbeautifullight</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>ParkPark - Fluffy, Christmas Universe! [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>K-pop, Korean Actor RPF, Wooga - Fandom, 花郞 | 화랑 | Hwarang (TV) RPF, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay, M/M, Romantic Comedy, Romantic Fluff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 14:17:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>51,009</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27960305</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisbeautifullight/pseuds/thisbeautifullight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A sequel to my first fic 'Seven Days'.</p><p>Set at Christmas, it's a fluffy, romantic comedy about two soulmates deeply in love and a plan to propose on a family skiing holiday.<br/>Alternating chapters flashback to their pasts, as we find out that there may be more to their story than even they realised.</p><p>Featuring BTS and Wooga Squad members!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope/Original Character(s), Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin, Min Yoongi | Suga/Park Jimin, Park Hyungsik/Park Seo Joon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>ParkPark - Fluffy, Christmas Universe! [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2180790</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Lost & Found</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Just to warn you: there is use of English and Korean gay slurs in this fiction but only twice and by a character who is only in the story once and very briefly. This is in one of chapters set in the past and the character is an asshole so...</p><p>Sorry!</p><p>Also: please let me know if you have any feedback or if you liked my story - I would love to hear what you thought :)</p><p>You can see a dumb, sorta poster I made for this fic <a href="https://twitter.com/thbeautifullite/status/1365349399401013258?s=20">here</a>!</p><p>Also: It is vital that you know that <a href="https://genius.com/Lany-ilysb-lyrics">this</a> is absolutely Seojie's anthem for his love for Hyungsik.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s a misty and bright winter morning in Seoul. </p><p>The sun streams through the buildings, the light refracting in the mist, an ethereal glow around the city. </p><p>Hyungsik admires the sky for a moment before pulling out his phone and taking a picture of the city-skyline, crepuscular rays fanning down into the street below. He smiles, sipping coffee from his mug.</p><p>He senses his boyfriend behind him before he feels his hands slide around his waist, arms wrapping him in a hug from behind.</p><p>“Good morning,” Seojoon croaks, resting his head on his shoulder. </p><p>“‘Me see?” he mutters, holding up Hyungsik’s phone to look at the photo, “that’s an amazing photo, Hyung-cha.”</p><p>“Thanks! It’s so misty out there today. I love the sunrays,” Hyungsik admires, “Coffee?”</p><p>“Good idea,” Seojoon says, nuzzling his neck.</p><p>It’s been two years since that Christmas in the cabin.</p><p>Their apartment is small but bright, sitting fourteen floors up in the city skyscape. It’s modern but warm, the furnishings reflecting their personalities.</p><p>Books and music fill the shelves on the walls, reaching up into the high-ceilings and lining the walls are photos; holidays together, family gatherings, puppy photos of their dog, Nuni, taken the day they picked him up from the rescue centre and hundreds of selfies together.</p><p>The apartment is decorated for Christmas, a tall tree next to the modern fireplace and on the mantle: a small ornament of a cabin with a red door, in a snowy forest.</p><p>Hyungsik heads to the kitchen and pours Seojoon a cup of coffee, handing it to him as he seats himself at the breakfast bar.</p><p>“Sooo are you ready?” Hyungsik smiles at him.</p><p>Seojoon looks at him, his elbow on the counter and the palm of his hand covering half of his face, a sulky expression on his face. “Didn’t we do this last year?” he says, miserably.</p><p>“You can’t fool me,” Hyungsik beams at him before whispering, “you love it!”</p><p>Seojoon rubs his eyes, barely concealing his smile and the tell-tale creases at his eyes.</p><p>This Christmas, they have arranged for both of their families to stay at a ski resort for a week. Seojoon is celebrating: his second published book is now a best seller - his days of money-woes long gone.</p><p>“I’m all packed!” Hyungsik announces, looking slightly smug, as he reaches for more coffee.</p><p>Seojoon frowns at him, “I don’t believe you.”</p><p>Hyungsik laughs incredulously, “I am! Two cases: ready to go! Clothes, shoes, toiletries, headphones…” he counts items off on his fingers, looking at the ceiling.</p><p>“Phone charger, toothbrush, pain killers…?” Seojoon makes a list of his own, eyebrows raised at Hyungsik.</p><p>Hyungsik laughs, “well I was going to add those <em> later</em>, obviously!”</p><p>“You mean, <em> Seo-ah </em>was going to pack them for you?” Seojoon grumbles, tapping on his chest, with the smallest smile, pouring more coffee in his mug.</p><p>Hyungsik smirks at him. “I can’t believe we’re going skiing!” he rushes around the breakfast bar and grabs Seojoon in a hug from behind, miming skiing with him.</p><p>“Why are you such a dork, Hyung-cha?” Seojoon laughs, as Hyungsik begins to sing a song about skiing that he is seemingly making up as he goes along.</p><p>Seojoon struggles to turn on the stool, battling the singing and dancing Hyungsik. He grabs his forearms, laughing, “did you send your sister the address? She was really worried about get there with your foster mother”</p><p>Hyungsik stops dancing and clutches one of his hands, “She has the address and knows how to get there, don’t fret,” he smiles at him, “I can’t believe you’re going to finally meet Su-A.”</p><p>“Is it weird that I’m nervous?” Seojoon asks, wincing at him.</p><p>Hyungsik laughs, “Seo-ah, you worry about everything, so no, it’s not weird,” he plays with his hair before pulling him close for a hug. “She’ll love you. You probably have more in common with her than Joo-young and I.”</p><p>Seojoon edges his head away from Hyungsik’s stomach and looks at the clock. “I feel like we should be getting our stuff together,” he says, clutching Hyungsik’s waist.</p><p>“We’ve got plenty of time!” Hyungsik exclaims.</p><p>He crouches down to meet Seojoon’s gaze, “I might need your help with something actually,” he slides his hands along the back of Seojoon’s head and leans in to kiss him, the kind of slow kiss that he knows gives Seojoon goose-bumps.</p><p>Seojoon kisses him back, before pushing him away gently, “we definitely don’t have time for <em> that </em>,” he chastises him, eyebrows raised.</p><p>Ignoring him completely, Hyungsik kisses him again, slowly pulling him up out of the stool and inching them towards the bedroom, Hyungsik walking backwards.</p><p>“Hyung-cha<em>,</em> I’m too worried about everything,” Seojoon pleads quietly between their kisses.</p><p>“I know. This always helps to clear your mind,” Hyungsik counters with a smile before pulling him into the bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>An hour or so later, their doorbell rings, waking Seojoon with a start. </p><p>They’re both naked in bed, having fallen asleep, Seojoon wrapped around Hyungsik.</p><p>“Hyung-cha!” Seojoon exclaims squeezing his upper arm.</p><p>“Fuccckkk,” Hyungsik groans, as he reaches out to look at his phone.</p><p>Seojoon rushes to get dressed and hopping his way into his trousers, he heads to the door.</p><p>Checking in the mirror to make sure he’s decent, tidying his hair a little, he opens the door.</p><p>“Seojie!” his mother cries, throwing her arms around him.</p><p>His father and brother wheel their luggage into the apartment, wordlessly, stepping past them. Taehyung’s eyes glued to his phone.</p><p>“Eomma !” he smiles, squeezing her back, “Come in and sit down.” He ushers her to the sofa and crouches down next to her. “How’s your ankle?” he asks her, with concern on his face.</p><p>“Much better now I see your face,” she smiles, holding his chin, “I’ll be fine to ski, I think. Now where’s my Hyungsie?” she calls.</p><p>“Coming Eomma !” Hyungsik cries, as he makes his way into the living room, he waves at Taehyung and Seojoon’s father before crouching in front of Seojoon’s mother, “I hope you’re all better now!” he says to her, “can I get you a tea?”</p><p>“That would be lovely, before we get on the road,” she smiles.</p><p>“Appa ?” Seojoon offers.</p><p>Seojoon’s father nods, with an expression on his face that says ‘do you even have to ask me?’.</p><p>Hyungsik and Seojoon head to the kitchen, Seojoon’s father seating himself on the sofa next to his wife and starting up an argument with her about the parking outside. </p><p>Taehyung sidles up to his brother, “you smell of sex,” he says in a low voice.</p><p>“You smell of shit,” Seojoon retorts, immediately recognising the sub-par standard of his comeback.</p><p>“You could’ve at least showered. It smells in here,” Taehyung scrunches up his face in disgust.</p><p>Seojoon throws a look of panic to Hyungsik who is already laughing.</p><p>“You’re too easy to wind up, Seo-ah,” he laughs filling the kettle.</p><p>Seojoon looks back at Taehyung who is just smirking, chewing gum in his mouth.</p><p>“So I was right then, Morning Glory,” Taehyung teases his brother.</p><p>Seojoon narrows his eyes at him, “you know, it’s really weird that you’re interested in that, you little freak,” Seojoon says in a low voice.</p><p>“Oh my god!” Hyungsik laughs, raising his hand to his forehead, “please don’t start already! I need more coffee before I can handle you two.”</p><p>Taehyung smiles at Hyungsik, “did you know <em> Halmeoni </em>is coming?” he asks him.</p><p>“She isn’t?!” Hyungsik gasps with genuine shock.</p><p>Taehyung nods his head slowly at him, “she can barely put on her own socks, but she’s coming on a skiing holiday,” he grins.</p><p>“I wonder how many times she’ll ask me when I’m going to meet a nice woman,” Hyungsik laughs.</p><p>“She thought Joo-young was your girlfriend last time!” Taehyung says with a guffaw.</p><p>“I outright told her one time, that Seojoon was my boyfriend,” Hyungsik chuckles, “and she just replied: <em> he’s a good boy. It’s good that he has such a good friend </em>,” Hyungsik emulates Seojoon’s elderly grandmother’s voice.</p><p>“You could fuck in front of her and she’d probably still not get it!” Taehyung cackles, his voice raising slightly, in the excitement, then emulating his grandmother: “<em> It’s good that he has such a good wrestling partne</em>r”</p><p>Seojoon throws them both a scowl, tilting his head in the direction of his parents as he fills the tea pot.</p><p>Hyungsik and Taehyung chuckle quietly together.</p><p>With the tea ready, the five of them sit in the living room together as Seojoon’s parents discuss the route they’re going to take and share anecdotes about other family holidays with Seojoon’s Aunt and Uncle, preparing Hyungsik with what to expect from a holiday with them.</p><p>After a short while, Seojoon announces that he’s just going to grab their luggage and asks Taehyung for his help with something, much to everyone’s surprise, including Taehyung.</p><p>Curious, Taehyung follows Seojoon into their bedroom. </p><p>Seojoon hurriedly makes the bed and then quietly closes the bedroom door.</p><p>“What is <em> happening </em>right now?” Taehyung gasps, looking utterly bemused at his brother.</p><p>“I need your advice,” Seojoon says in a low voice.</p><p>Taehyung grins, “things getting a little stale in the bedroom department?” he asks.</p><p>“It’s seriously getting weird that you’re so fascinated with our sex-life,” Seojoon scowls.</p><p>“I got the rings,” Seojoon says in a hushed voice, carrying on in spite of his brother’s teasing and producing a small wooden box from one of his drawers, “and obviously, the whole skiing trip is because he’s never been and always wanted to go, but now…” </p><p>He runs his fingers through his hair, looking anxious, “I’m freaking out because I should’ve planned things more!”</p><p>Taehyung sidles up to him, “I think you should propose to him riding a deer, wearing nothing but a bow tie,” he sweeps his hands in front of them, moving them apart slowly.</p><p>Seojoon blinks at him. “Why did I think you would be <em> any </em>help?” he admits.</p><p>Taehyung laughs and throws an arm around his brother, “I don’t think it matters, hyung! Whatever you do will be great and you’re both going to be so happy, so just do whatever you want!”</p><p>Seojoon rests his head on his brother’s head, “thank you,” he says quietly, genuinely touched.</p><p>“Alright, don’t start crying!” Taehyung protests, “Can I go now? It really stinks in here!” </p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>By the time the family arrive at the ski resort, two hours later, Taehyung and Hyungsik have come up with a secret hand signal to use whenever Seojoon’s grandmother talks about his ‘friend’ and even have a drinking game planned should an opportunity with alcohol arise during the trip.</p><p>The resort is huge, made up of hundreds of cabins, recreational areas, a large lake and at the highest point: a large wooden ski-lodge, housing bars, restaurants and other services.</p><p>Seojoon and Hyungsik help his parents unload their luggage from the car, as Taehyung frowns at the resort map, trying to get his bearings.</p><p>“We should wait for everyone to arrive, Tae-Tae,” Seojoon’s mother says, as she winces and rubs her legs, still stiff from the car journey.</p><p>“I know. I’m just trying to figure out where we go from here,” Taehyung mutters onto the paper.</p><p>Hyungsik looks around the carpark, watching families as they come and go, before his eyes settle on a group of people close-by, who have also seemingly just arrived.</p><p>“You’ve got to be kidding me,” he whispers, loud enough for Seojoon to hear him.</p><p>Seojoon follows Hyungsik’s gaze until his eyes meet Ji-soo’s across the carpark.</p><p>“Wow, really?” Seojoon mutters, before managing a forced smile and waving at Ji-soo.</p><p>Ji-soo waves back then, looking a little awkward before walking over to their car.</p><p>As he approaches them, he folds his arm across his chest. </p><p>He’s smiling but he looks more than a little awkward.</p><p>Seojoon senses his brother move closer and exhales quietly.</p><p>“I see we’re not the only one’s doing the whole clichéd Christmas thing this year?” Ji-soo laughs, meeting Hyungsik’s gaze and only glancing briefly at Seojoon.</p><p>Hyungsik laughs unconvincingly, “we thought we’d see what the fuss was about!” he says, trying to sound as cheerful as possible.</p><p>“Seojoon,” Ji-soo nods, meeting his gaze finally, his eyes looking him up and down slightly.</p><p>“How are you Ji-soo?” Seojoon asks politely.</p><p>“Pretty good by all accounts,” he says, turning back to Hyungsik, “I got a promotion a few months ago.”</p><p>“That’s so cool, Ji-ah!” Hyungsik exclaims, “congratulations!”</p><p>Before Seojoon can stop him, Taehyung leans forward, his right arm stretched towards Ji-soo, “I’m Taehyung, Seojoon’s brother,” he says, offering his hand.</p><p>Ji-soo returns the handshake, “Ji-soo,” he nods, “I’m… Hyungsik’s ex,” he laughs then.</p><p>“I know - we’ve actually met. At the cabin?” Taehyung raises an eyebrow at him.</p><p>Two men approach Ji-soo from behind, arms linked, one resting his head on the other’s shoulders. </p><p>They’re shorter than Ji-soo, both almost the same height as one another, one with blonde hair and the other black. They’re both wearing big winter coats and scarfs, their cheeks and noses red from the cold air.</p><p>“Oh. My. God. Jimin-ah!” Taehyung exclaims suddenly, jumping up and down on the spot. </p><p>The blonde does the same, releasing the other man from his arms and shouting, “Tae!”</p><p>They embrace, jumping up and down and laughing.</p><p>“Friend of yours?” Hyungsik laughs.</p><p>Taehyung releases the blonde man, only to grab the other and pull him in for a hug, “don’t think you’re escaping me, hyung!” he cries, as the other man seemingly reluctantly returns the embrace with a small smile, eyes twinkling.</p><p>“You didn’t tell me you were coming!” Taehyung exclaims to the two men.</p><p>The blonde shrugs, “we were a bit of a last minute addition to be honest - I forgot you were coming here!”</p><p>“So, how do you guys know each other?” Ji-soo asks, turning to them.</p><p>Taehyung wraps his arms around the men, standing between them, “Jimin and I were in the same class at high school!” he laughs, “Hyungsik, Seojoon: this is Jimin and Yoongi,” he gestured to each of them as he said their names - the blonde, Jimin and the dark haired man, Yoongi.</p><p>“Nice to meet you!” Jimin smiles, nodding his head slightly. </p><p>Yoongi holds his hand up in a wave, smiling at Seojoon and Hyungsik.</p><p>“Is it just the three of you?” Hyungsik asks.</p><p>Ji-soo turns to look at Hyungsik again, eyes fixed on him with a smile and Seojoon feels a sudden bout of possessiveness.</p><p>“There’s a whole bunch of us actually,” he smiles, “we booked a large cabin. You should join us at some point.”</p><p>Seojoon subtly reaches out to Hyungsik’s hand and their fingers touch lightly.</p><p>Hyungsik glances at him and then looks back to Ji-soo and smiles politely, “if we have time, yeah, maybe! Where are you staying?”</p><p>Ji-soo turns to Jimin and Yoongi, who both wordlessly hold up their hands, flashing the numbers two, three and four in perfect unison, with their fingers.</p><p>“Cabin 234,” Ji-soon points at them, then turning back to Hyungsik, “we’ve got no specific plans so let us know if you’re free. Do you still have my number?”</p><p>At this, Seojoon shifts his weight so he’s leaning closer to Hyungsik and exhales.</p><p>Ji-soo notices, as do the others, exchanging glances. </p><p>Seojoon can tell his brother is enjoying this.</p><p>Hyungsik lets out a small cough and reaches for his pocket, pulling out his phone. </p><p>After a brief moment of awkward silence, Hyungsik asks: “have you changed your number?”</p><p>“Not since we last talked,” Ji-soo replies, throwing Seojoon a glance, his face almost expressionless.</p><p>Hyungsik puts his phone back in his pocket, “still got your number, yeah,” he smiles politely at Ji-soo.</p><p>From behind him, Seojoon hears his mother exclaim that his aunt and uncle have just arrived.</p><p>Taehyung turns to his friends and they begin chatting about meeting up and making plans for the week.</p><p>“Hopefully I’ll see you later then?” Ji-soo says, eyes fixed on Hyungsik.</p><p>“We’ll let you know!” Hyungsik says cheerfully, but still looking more than a little awkward.</p><p>Ji-soo walks backwards away from the car as the group of men disperse.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Seojoon helps his aunt, uncle, grandmother and cousin unload their luggage from their car, as the family exchange hugs and excited chatter.</p><p>Hyungsik furtively approaches his side and nudges him with his hip.</p><p>Seojoon glances at him with a weak smile, as he places a suitcase down on the gravel of the car park.</p><p>Hyungsik narrows his eyes at him and mouths: <em> are you okay </em>?</p><p>Seojoon nods and smiles, fairly unconvincingly.</p><p>“Hi, Hi!” Seojoon hears a voice behind them say.</p><p>He turns to find Joo-young beaming at them both, her arm linked with a tall, well-dressed woman that Seojoon assumes is their foster mother.</p><p>She is taller than Joo-young, slender, with a neat bob haircut and immaculate make-up. When she smiles, creases appear along her cheeks, either side of her mouth.</p><p>“Su-A!” Hyungsik exclaims, opening his arms to her and pulling them both in for a hug.</p><p>“Oh! It’s so good to see you Hyungsik!” she cries, her eyes closed, squeezing him tightly, “you need to stop growing though!” she shakes him back and forth.</p><p>She steps back, holding his arms and regards him, “it never fails to astound me, how handsome you are,” she says, before turning to Joo-young, “and your sister so beautiful.”</p><p>Hyungsik and Joo-young both look momentarily bashful, exchanging glances and looking at their feet.</p><p>Su-A’s attention turns to Seojoon then, who smiles warmly at her.</p><p>“Ah, Su-A, this is Seojoon,” Hyungsik says rushing to Seojoon’s side and clutching his hand, “Seojoon, this is Su-A.”</p><p>Seojoon begins a small bow, before Su-A steps forward and pulls him in for an embrace, “I’ve heard so much about you Seojoon. I’m really happy to meet you finally.”</p><p>Seojoon feels his cheeks flush suddenly. He has never been much of a hugger, even with his family - Hyungsik being the obvious exception.</p><p>He smiles and slowly returns the hug, “me too - glad to meet you, I mean,” he says, a little awkwardly, “Hyungsik has told me all about you.”</p><p>Su-A steps back and clutches both Hyungsik and Seojoon’s hands, before turning to Joo-young, “you were absolutely right - breath-taking!”</p><p>“Right?!” Joo-young chuckles, “all my friends are <em> obsessed </em>with them!”</p><p>Hyungsik rolls his eyes at Seojoon, who laughs to himself.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>After making introductions with Su-A, the large group make their way to their cabins, as snow begins to fall lightly.</p><p>Seojoon’s parents, uncle, aunt and cousin begin a slightly heated conversation about a family holiday several years ago and Taehyung gossips with Joo-Young, Su-A listening and laughing at them.</p><p>Seojoon and Hyungsik walk with Seojoon’s elderly grandmother, Hyungsik holding her arm to steady her, as she makes her way along the gravel path. Their conversation is mostly about the weather and her health.</p><p>When they reach the junction of their three cabins, the group splits, agreeing to meet back in ten minutes or so.</p><p>Seojoon’s parents and his aunt and uncle make their way to the first cabin ahead of them,  Joo-young, Su-A and Seojoon’s grandmother and cousin head in the direction of the cabin to the left of them and finally, Hyungsik and Seojoon walk with Taehyung to the third cabin on the right.</p><p>“Well, that was ridiculously awkward back at the car park,” Taehyung announces, without missing a beat.</p><p>“Tae,” Hyungsik warns, throwing him a look before looking at Seojoon.</p><p>“I can’t believe he’s here,” Seojoon says solemnly.</p><p>Taehyung laughs, “at one point, I thought you were going to grab Hyung-ah and run off with him, or piss on him, or something!”</p><p>Seojoon scowls at his brother and Hyungsik reaches around to smack Taehyung over the head.</p><p>Taehyung rubs his head before chuckling quietly to himself.</p><p> </p><p>The cabin is a large open planned space, polished wood cladding all surfaces, stretching up into the point of the A-frame roof. </p><p>There’s a generous seating area, with a sofa and two arm chairs positioned in front of the large floor-to-ceiling windows and in the centre of it all: a floating electric-fire.</p><p>At the back of the room: to the left is a small modern-looking kitchen, to the right a small bathroom and in the centre - open-backed stairs leading to the bedrooms and a balcony, which sit over the large living space. </p><p>“If you’ll excuse me boys,” Taehyung says, as soon as they are through the door, immediately dropping his luggage and heading to the bathroom.</p><p>Seojoon screws up his face in disgust and watches his brother hurriedly close the bathroom door behind him.</p><p>Hyungsik and Seojoon wordlessly climb the stairs and, choosing at random, Hyungsik heads to the bedroom door to the left of the cabin, wheeling his case across the threshold.</p><p>As Seojoon drops his bag on the bed, Hyungsik closes the door.</p><p>“You okay, Seo-ah?” he asks, approaching him slowly trying to meet his gaze.</p><p>“Sure,” Seojoon replies a little flatly, busying himself with his bag.</p><p>Hyungsik stands close to Seojoon and slowly wraps his arms around him, resting his hands on his stomach and using one of his knees, he pushes on the back of one of Seojoon’s legs so that his leg buckles. </p><p>Hyungsik pulls them both down onto the bed, Seojoon putting up no resistance.</p><p>Hyungsik buries his head in the back of Seojoon’s sweater, “Seo-ah,<em> ” </em>he says again softly.</p><p>Seojoon rolls on the bed to face him, sliding his arms around Hyungsik’s waist.</p><p>“He misses you,” Seojoon, says, almost with a whisper, a sad look in his eyes and gaze fixed on Hyungsik.</p><p>“Ji-soo?” Hyungsik asks, looking very surprised, “I think you’re projecting.”</p><p>Seojoon's brow furrows slightly, “how so?”</p><p>“Because of the way you and I feel about each other. It’s how <em> you </em>would feel if you were him,” Hyungsik raises a hand to Seojoon’s face and sweeps a strand of hair out of his eyes.</p><p>“He kept looking at you,” Seojoon continues.</p><p>Hyungsik lets out a small chuckle, “where was he supposed to look? We were having a conversation!”</p><p>“He really wants to meet up with you,” Seojoon adds, looking very glum.</p><p>Hyungsik sighs before holding Seojoon’s jaw between his thumb and index finger, “so what if he does” he says softly and emphatically.</p><p>Seojoon swallows and shifts his gaze to Hyungsik’s shoulder, “when did you last speak to him?”</p><p>Hyungsik raises his eyebrows and they close together on his forehead. He regards Seojoon with some incredulity and a small measure of sympathy.</p><p>“Is that what this is about?” Hyungsik asks, before reaching into his pocket and retrieving his phone. He unlocks the screen and begins scrolling through his messages.</p><p>Seojoon sighs, “you don’t have to - “</p><p>“Here you go,” Hyungsik says, softness still in his voice, “the last message I sent him.”</p><p>“You don’t have to show me, Hyung-cha, you know I trust you,” Seojoon urges him, looking very apologetic.</p><p>“I know that,” Hyungsik smiles, “look though.”</p><p>Seojoon regards him for a moment, before taking his phone in his own hand and looking at the screen:</p><p><b>Me</b>: Sorry to text you like this, but I need your help. My bus broke down and long story short: I’m stranded in the middle of nowhere - have been for days. Can you let my sister know? I need you to come and get me.</p><p>Seojoon reads the message through twice, observing that Ji-soo never actually replied, that very stormy day in December, two years ago.</p><p>Finally, a small smile curves on Seojoon’s lips, “Hyung-cha, this is a terrible S.O.S.”</p><p>Hyungsik bites his lower lip, suppressing a grin, “I know,” he says quietly.</p><p>“He <em> never </em>contacted you after that?” Seojoon asks, looking surprised and considerably more relaxed.</p><p>“No,” Hyungsik affirms, “the last time I saw him, he was driving away from that cabin.”</p><p>“Wow,” Seojoon whispers, dropping the phone on the bed between them, “I guess I <em> was </em>projecting. I can’t imagine just… cutting all contact with you after all those years.”</p><p>Hyungsik wraps his arms around Seojoon and pulls himself closer, “I know you’ve always found this hard to understand, Seo-ah, but Ji-soo and I were never anything like the bubble you and I exist in,” he smiles and rubs his nose on Seojoon’s.</p><p>Seojoon smiles back at him and for the first time since they saw Ji-soo in the car park, there are creases at the corner of his eyes, “Sorry for being a jealous and possessive weirdo, Hyung-cha,” he laughs.</p><p>Hyungsik guffaws at that and tilts his head into the blankets on the bed, regarding Seojoon with a very cheeky smile, “I kind of liked it.”</p><p>Seojoon begins jabbing both of his thumbs into Hyungsik’s stomach and repeats the process as Hyungsik thrashes and laughs loudly, crying out for him to stop. </p><p>Seojoon retains his grip on his waist even when he tries to move away and doesn’t let up as Hyungsik laughs, struggling to breathe.</p><p>Upon finding a window in the torment, Hyungsik manoeuvres his thumbs under Seojoon’s arms and begins jabbing him in return and now Seojoon is guffawing and trying to escape him, rolling over in an attempt to break Hyungsik’s grip. </p><p>Hyungsik clings on tightly to Seojoon’s shoulders and climbs on top of him, thighs either side of his stomach.</p><p>“Ceasefire!” Seojoon cries, breathlessly, face flushed and still laughing. </p><p>He grabs Hyungsik’s wrists and pulls him down on top of him. </p><p>Releasing Hyungsik's wrists, he moves his right hand to the small of his back and slides his left hand around the back of Hyungsik’s head, pulling him closer so that their lips meet.</p><p>He kisses Hyungsik hungrily, fingers tangled in his hair and moaning softly on his lips.</p><p>Hyungsik sinks into the kiss, relaxing in his arms and pushing his weight down on him. His hands find Seojoon’s hair and he runs his fingers through it, before tugging at it slightly, at the back of his head.</p><p>Abruptly, the door to their bedroom flies open and Taehyung stands in the doorway.</p><p>“How did I guess?” Taehyung cries with amusement and exasperation, “no time for <em>that, </em>my little lust-bunnies!”</p><p>Seojoon grabs a pillow from behind him and throws it in the direction of his brother, “go away, you insufferable shit!” he shouts, as Taehyung runs away, laughing.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>The large group find a series of tables in the dining hall of the ski-lodge and push them together to make a table which seats twelve. </p><p>Seojoon’s grandmother takes a seat at the furthest end, positioning herself at the head of the table, followed by his aunt, uncle, cousin and then parents. Seojoon sits next to Hyungsik, Joo-young and Taehyung opposite them and Su-A to their right.</p><p>Hyungsik watches as Seojoon’s family talk, his mother and father reminiscing with his aunt and uncle - something about a picnic gone wrong, some time in the eighties. </p><p>He regards Seojoon’s cousin, trying to remember his name. He’s a small boy, around 19 or 20, with big red cheeks and a perpetually surprised look on his face. He meets his eye and offers a small smile, but the boy quickly looks away, turning his attention to a menu on the table.</p><p>Seojoon notices him watching them and reaches up to stroke the back of his head, “you okay, Hyung-cha?” he asks, smiling lovingly at him.</p><p>Hyungsik nods with a grin and leans close to him for a brief kiss.</p><p>“Aish! My teeth feel like they’re rotting just looking at you two!” Joo-young wails from across the table, waving her menu at them. She glances at Su-A, who laughs</p><p>“Are they always like this?” Su-A asks, tilting her head and crossing her arms, a wide smile on her face.</p><p>“I saw worse about fifteen minutes ago,” Taehyung says with a grin.</p><p>Seojoon glares at his brother, feeling his cheeks grow hot as he senses Su-A’s gaze on him.</p><p>“I need a boyfriend!” Joo-young whines, slumping down in her chair.</p><p>Hyungsik laughs, “what happened to that guy with the ugly Mazda?”</p><p>“He wasn’t my boyfriend!” she protests, attempting to slap her brother with the menu, hitting Seojoon in the face instead.</p><p>“Thanks Joo-ah,” Seojoon says, scrunching his face up.</p><p>“I thought you liked him?” Su-A asks, turning to Joo-young.</p><p>Joo-young studies her menu and shrugs, “I did for a while, but then he got really boring,” she sighs.</p><p>Su-A smiles and then gazes at Taehyung, “what about you Taehyung? Is there a special someone?”</p><p>Joo-young scoffs and Taehyung throws her an incredulous look.</p><p>“Taehyung is a total mystery to us all, Su-A,” Hyungsik announces, smiling at him.</p><p>“Just like his brother,” Seojoon’s father adds, surprising them all, “although, not so much since he met Hyungsik” his eyes meeting Su-A’s with a big smile. She smiles back.</p><p>Seojoon and Hyungsik steal a brief glance at one another and Seojoon puts his hand on Hyungsik’s leg, giving it a squeeze underneath the table.</p><p>A waiter arrives at the table and collects their drink orders before scurrying away again.</p><p>“I’m reading your book, Seojoon” Su-A says, “it’s really funny. And very sweet,” she beams.</p><p>“Thank you - that means a lot,” Seojoon nods, returning her smile, bashfully.</p><p>Seojoon’s father coughs beside him, “it wasn’t romantic comedies before Hyungsik,” he laughs, “what was it son? Murder mysteries?”</p><p>“Crime, Appa ,” Seojoon winces.</p><p>“What’s the difference?” his father asks incredulously, raising an eyebrow at him.</p><p>Taehyung laughs, “One is <em> Columbo </em> , the other is <em> The Wire</em>, Appa ”</p><p>“What’s <em> The Wire </em>?” his father asks, turning to Su-A for moral support. She chuckles.</p><p>“Have you always wanted to be a writer?” Su-A asks Seojoon.</p><p>Seojoon opens his mouth to answer, but his father interjects.</p><p>“Oh yes! He was writing stories as soon as he could spell, and maybe even a little before then!” his father laughs, “he used to illustrate them too - mercifully he’s abandoned that career path.”</p><p>The table share a laugh at Seojoon’s expense and he nods in agreement, turning to Hyungsik when he feels his hand on his own, under the table. Hyungsik gazes at him, his arm resting on the table, his chin on his hand and his eyes half-moons and smiling.</p><p>The waiter returns to their table, balancing a large oval tray on his arm, and serves them all their drinks, mumbling that he would return soon to take their food order and apologising for the delay, before rushing away to another table.</p><p>Drink in hand, Seojoon’s father stands suddenly, regarding everyone around the table.</p><p>“If you all don’t mind,” he starts, “I wanted to take a moment to thank my eldest son for whisking us all away on this lavish family trip with his first big pay check!”</p><p>Everyone around the table cheers in agreement, raising their glasses.</p><p>“I’m especially glad to have Hyungsik’s family with us and I sincerely hope we don’t embarrass ourselves too much in front of you,” he bows with a smile and Seojoon’s family laugh at him. “None of us are natural born skiers, that’s for sure!”</p><p>Su-A and Joo-young exchange a giggle.</p><p>“Here’s to family: <em> Lost </em> and <em> Found </em>,” he smiles, raising his glass.</p><p>Everyone around the table raises their glasses, and Hyungsik meets Seojoon’s father’s eyes and nods appreciatively. </p><p>He returns a wink and a warm smile.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Sixteen Years Ago - September 23rd 2004</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hyungsik had a knot inside him.</p><p>Most of the time, it felt like a stone, lodged deep in the pit of his stomach. It settled there and he carried it with him. It was a constant reminder that his parents were gone.</p><p>Sometimes and usually without warning, it would unfurl and reach up into his throat and he would feel sick and unable to breathe, all at once. This was usually at night, when he tried to sleep and failed, Joo-young climbing into his bed and pressing her hot tears onto his back and sobbing.</p><p>He couldn’t cry - not in front of Joo-young. She needed him. He needed to be strong for her and show her that they can get through this, even though he didn’t believe it himself.</p><p>When he ate, it was rare and in small, cautious sittings, a reluctant acceptance of his foster mother’s pleads. It hardly mattered to him - he couldn’t taste anything anyway. He moved his mouth automatically, swallowing when he was supposed to. He had no room for food though, the knot was growing with each day that passed.</p><p>It had been two months since his parents had been driving home, when an articulated lorry had collided with their car at full speed, killing them both almost instantly. At least, that’s what the police had said. He had a feeling that this may have been a kindness however - a small, comforting lie. He tried not to think about it.</p><p>It would play out in his mind, uninvited. When his mind was idle or when he was drifting to sleep. He would see his parents bickering, in the playful way that they did, an argument over his father’s ridiculous impulse purchases at the supermarket or something. Suddenly and violently, the car erupts into an explosion of glass and metal and time stands still. His parents are frozen. Trapped in a moment of panic, fear, confusion and agony. He feels their pain like it’s his own and the knot is in his throat and all he can do is curl up in a ball and hold himself, willing the thought away, desperately trying to remember happier times.</p><p>Hyungsik was thirteen but he was wise. He knew he couldn’t bury his grief, ignore it - he had to face it and most importantly: talk about it. Joo-young would talk to him about her grief and he listened, holding her and consoling her, but he instinctively knew that sharing his fears and the horrible images in his mind with her, wouldn’t help anyone.</p><p>Their foster mother was kind, patient and respectful - he liked her a great deal and felt the care she gave them. He simply didn’t know her well enough to talk to.</p><p>Ji-soo was the only one. Ji-soo was his life-line. </p><p>It was a rainy Sunday afternoon and Ji-soo and Hyungsik were huddled around the TV in his bedroom, controllers in their hands, wordlessly moving their fingers and thumbs. It was getting dark but neither of them had moved for twenty minutes, so the only light in the room was the harsh blue glow from the TV.</p><p>“Aish!” Ji-soo exclaimed finally, letting his controller fall onto the carpet and throwing his hands up before slapping his thighs.</p><p>Hyungsik didn’t respond, his victory just another hollow moment.</p><p>“Hyung, want to do something else?” Ji-soo asked tentatively.</p><p>Hyungsik shrugged and rubbed his eyes, before standing to turn on the lamp on his bedside table and drawing the curtains.</p><p>Ji-soo’s eyes followed him around the room, his brow furrowed. “How are you feeling about tomorrow?” he asked, finally, as Hyungsik settled on the floor again.</p><p>“Fine. I think,” Hyungsik responded quietly. He stared at the carpet, picking at it with his thumb and index finger.</p><p>Ji-soo sighed. “Well, I’m terrified,” he admits, “I’m just glad we’ll have each other.”</p><p>Hyungsik nodded his head slowly, his eyes still fixed on the carpet.</p><p>“Did you sleep last night?” Ji-soo tried.</p><p>“No,” Hyungsik admitted, “I tried, but my mind kept turning those thoughts over and over. I was sick again. Then Joo-young got in my bed and I listened to her cry until around five-thirty.”</p><p>“Hyung, you need to try to sleep. What about music? You said that helped for a while?”</p><p>Hyungsik tugged at his sleeve and pulled his knees to his stomach. “I’m just not in the mood to listen to anything. Everything is either… too happy or just… heart-breaking.”</p><p>Ji-soo nodded and looked at the TV thoughtfully. “I could ask Eomma if I could stay tonight?”</p><p>Hyungsik fixed his eyes on him with hope and desperation washed all over his face, “that would be really cool,” he admitted quietly.</p><p>Ji-soo took out his flip-phone and called his home, explaining that he was going to stay and then head straight to school the following morning. </p><p>Hyungsik could hear that his mother wasn’t too pleased with the arrangement but Ji-soo was insistent and there was an unspoken understanding that he was doing this for Hyungsik.</p><p>Hyungsik asked his foster mother, “Yangbumo , is it okay if we have a sleep-over tonight? We’re both worried about the first day of school tomorrow and I really think it would help for him to be here,” he looked pleadingly at her.</p><p>Su-A hesitated, her eyes looking at them both as she seemed to be weighing something up. She sighed, finally and nodded her head, “but lights out by ten - you can’t be exhausted for school tomorrow.”</p><p>“Thanks, Yangbumo<em>, </em>” Hyungsik rubbed his hands together and nodded his head smiling at her, gratefully.</p><p>She smiled back at him, kindness in her eyes.</p><p>Returning to Hyungsik’s bedroom, Ji-soo closed the door softly. </p><p>He reached for Hyungsik’s arm and pulled him towards the bed, climbing on it first before making space for Hyungsik beside him. </p><p>“I’m not tired, Ji-ah” Hyungsik mumbled.</p><p>“You look it,” Ji-soo tugged at his arm again, pulling him down onto the bed.</p><p>Hyungsik reluctantly fell back onto the bed, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling.</p><p>There was a long silence between them, Hyungsik’s gaze fixed on a spot above them, Ji-soo sighing and fidgeting on the bed.</p><p>“I’m terrified too,” Hyungsik said, finally, his voice hushed and broken.</p><p>“Everyone will love you,” Ji-soo offered, turning on his side to face him, “you’re so funny…” he started with a smile, before trailing off, horror flashing on his face for a brief moment.</p><p>Hyungsik raised an eyebrow and then for the first time since Ji-soo arrived at his house, he smiled stiffly.</p><p>“Sorry. That was dumb.” Ji-soo admitted, looking annoyed with himself, a scowl on his face. He began to chew at one of his finger nails.</p><p>“It’s okay - I knew what you meant. And thanks.” Hyungsik smiled again, a small curve of his lips but his eyes remained sad.</p><p>“I’m shit at this,” Ji-soo announced, turning onto his back again with a long sigh.</p><p>“You’re really not,” Hyungsik said, his eyes glassy.</p><p>“I want to help you but I don’t know how. Everything I say comes out wrong. It all just feels… unreal,” Ji-soo sighs again and raises his arm to his forehead, closing his eyes.</p><p>“You are helping. You’re the only one I can talk to. You’re the only one I can be sad with,” Hyungsik frowned before adding, “I guess that can’t be fun for you. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“It just doesn’t feel real. It doesn’t feel like you sometimes…” Ji-soo regretted the words as he said them and it’s written on his face.</p><p>Hyungsik’s eyes filled with hot tears and he looked away, raising his sleeves to his face, rubbing his cheeks.</p><p>“Shit, Hyung. Fuck. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… Fuck!” Ji-soo punched the pillow above his head. Mouth agape, he stared at the ceiling, eyes darting around as though it might give him the answer to fixing this situation.</p><p>“I get it,” Hyungsik said with a strained voice, “believe me. I don’t feel like myself either.”</p><p>“And that’s completely understandable! Of course, you’re not gonna be cracking jokes and playing pranks and listening to music! Fuck!” Ji-soo sounded angry with himself as he turned to face Hyungsik, “I’m such a shit friend. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it how it sounded. I meant… it’s hard to see, y’know. You’ve always been the happy one. I’m the grumpy fuck. It’s fucking heartbreaking.”</p><p>At this, Hyungsik broke. The knot was in his throat again and he felt like he was choking. His eyes were stinging and he felt a sob escaping his mouth.</p><p>Before he knew it, he was crying, sobbing uncontrollably. He felt Ji-soo’s arms wrapping around him, his chin on his head, whispering words that Hyungsik can’t hear.</p><p>Time stretched and the room fell dark before Hyungsik could breathe normally again. Ji-soo held him wordlessly.</p><p>“Thank you,” Hyungsik finally managed after a long time.</p><p>“What for? Being an insensitive fuck and making you cry?” Ji-soo scowled.</p><p>Hyungsik sat up on the bed and Ji-soo moved his arms away from him, propping himself up on the pillows, still facing Hyungsik.</p><p>“I needed to cry, Ji-ah,” he ran his hands through his hair and wiped his face with his sleeve, “thank you” he said again, reaching out for Ji-soo’s arm and squeezing it.</p><p>Ji-soo gazed at his hand and there was a brief moment when the air around them seemed to shift, neither of them fully understanding why, both growing a little hot.</p><p>Hyungsik looked away awkwardly, “wanna play more games?” he gestured at the controllers on the floor.</p><p>“Good idea,” Ji-soo replied, trying to sound casual and climbing off of the bed.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>The next morning Hyungsik and Ji-soo walked to their new school together. </p><p>They talked about games and some of their old friends, all of whom were starting different schools that day. </p><p>Hyungsik felt like the knot was lighter that morning. </p><p>Ji-soo’s company had been a welcome distraction, not allowing his mind to wander and he had even slept for several hours that night.</p><p>He was anxious about starting at the new school but he was grateful to have something else to think about. He tried to imagine himself happier, stronger, making friends and moving on with his life. It felt within reach that morning.</p><p>It didn’t last.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Seojoon walked to school alone as he always did. He gazed at the cloudy sky as he walked, wondering if it might rain that day. He scowled at some boys who rushed past him, shouting and bumping into him. He adjusted his bag on his shoulder and frowned at them as they ran off down the road ahead of him. <em>So. Annoying </em>. He thought to himself.</p><p>Arriving ten minutes early, he seated himself at his desk in his class room and took out his copy of Stephen King’s<em> The Dark Tower VII, </em>placing his glasses on his nose and stretching his legs out.</p><p>He enjoyed a few minutes of peace, before he felt a smack to the back of his head.</p><p>“<em>Yah, Nom </em>!” he heard an obnoxious voice behind him. Seojoon didn’t flinch and went back to reading his book.</p><p>“<em>Byeong-shin, </em>I’m talking to you!” Bon-Hwa came into view in front of him and pushed his book down onto his desk.</p><p>Bon-Hwa was an arrogant boy, with a wide face, red cheeks and a perpetual sneer, and Seojoon tried to avoid him as much as possible, despite him being in his class.</p><p>“What do you want?” Seojoon scowled at him.</p><p>Bon-Hwa considered him, chewing his gum with his mouth open, a crooked smile on his face. He picked up Seojoon’s book and gazed at the cover, holding it aloft in pinched fingers, as though it was disgusting to him.</p><p>“The fuck is this shit?” Bon-Hwa laughed, turning to his friend who had just arrived and seated himself nearby. He looked Seojoon in the eyes as he tore a page from the book and pushed his chewing gum into it.</p><p>Seojoon stood up out of his chair. Slowly.</p><p>He wasn’t a strong sixteen year old. He wasn’t athletic. He had never been in a fight in his life. But he was tall. Taller than Bon-Hwa.</p><p>Bon-Hwa blanched momentarily as he watched him, before scoffing and turning to his friend, who returned a laugh.</p><p>Seojoon snatched his book back and sat back down, finding his page and ignoring them both as they laughed together.</p><p>The rest of the day was a mixed bag. </p><p>He enjoyed History and English, as he always did, and felt a surge of pride when his short story was returned with an ‘A’ on the front page. He scowled his way through PE, wishing it had been running that day at least, instead of soccer. </p><p>Social Studies was excruciating as it always was, the class dragging things out as they always did, the teacher lacking control over them and the lesson unravelling. </p><p>He spent his lunchtime on the grass, under the cloudy sky, reading his book and checking his phone. Four messages from his brother, mostly about school and reminding him to try to make friends. </p><p>There was a chill in the air and he made a mental note to wear a heavier coat tomorrow as he buttoned up his jacket, hunching his shoulders and crossing his arms.</p><p>That afternoon, the Principal held a welcome assembly in the large school hall. </p><p>He delivered his standard speech, mostly directed at the new students, but also words of encouragement for the new year ahead and a very brief reminder to the final year students that they must work hard this year, preparing for high school and the ever looming Suneung.</p><p>He was a round man, in every way. </p><p>If you were to draw him, he would be a series of circles, with the exception of his limbs which were surprisingly slim. </p><p>He had a wide, round, smiling face, half-moon eyes and his hair sat on his head in a round puff, slightly frizzy in texture. He had perpetually red cheeks and a gummy smile. </p><p>He was a kind man - Seojoon had always appreciated that about him.</p><p>During his speech, Seojoon’s attention wandered to the new students. They sat attentively, a great contrast to the rest of the school, who were slumped down in their seats, eyes glazed over. </p><p>Seojoon felt sorry for them. He enjoyed studying but he hated school. He couldn’t imagine starting this one all over again. </p><p>It was his final year and he was looking forward to high school and then his plan to get his military service out of the way. </p><p>He knew he was willing his life away, but he was racing to the finish line when he could finally realise his dream: to be a writer and get out of this dreary town.</p><p>Seojoon was jolted out of his thoughts as the assembly broke into a subdued applause and he realised the principal had finished talking. The students stood and began to slowly file out of the hall in a reasonably ordered fashion, the volume of their voices increasing with each minute. </p><p>Seojoon felt a bump to his shoulder and Bon-Hwa appeared in front of him, his three friends in tow. He was clutching a magazine, a female idol posing on the cover. Bon-hwa walked backwards ahead of Seojoon, a smirk on his face. </p><p>“Yah! What would you give her out of ten?” he asked Seojoon, a knowing look on his face.</p><p>Seojoon glared at him, “I’m not doing this Bon-hwa,” he asserts.</p><p>Bon-hwa flicked through the pages of the magazine, before settling on a page, a broad grin spreading across his face. He turned the open page to Seojoon, “or is this more to your liking?” It was a male idol, a young man with bleached hair and eyeliner.</p><p>The boys laughed around him and Seojoon felt his face grow hot but he steeled himself, trying not to let Bon-hwa have the satisfaction of getting a reaction from him.</p><p>“Not your type?” Bon-hwa laughed, “do you prefer muscles?”</p><p>“Why, are you interested, Bon-hwa?” Seojoon asked flatly, meeting his eyes and not looking away.</p><p>Bon-hwa flushed red for a moment and then scoffed at him before walking on with his friends, all laughing loudly.</p><p><em>Why can’t everyone just leave me alone? </em>Seojoon thought to himself, <em>the start of 28 Days Later would be bliss - to wake up and everyone is gone. </em></p><p>
  <em>Apart from my parents. </em>
</p><p>His phone buzzed in his pocket and he felt a pang of guilt. </p><p><em>And my brother, </em>he thought, as he read Taehyung’s message: </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Try not to be alone too much today</em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Hyungsik and Ji-soo found themselves a table in the lunch hall and Ji-soo eagerly shoved rice in his mouth, seeming as he always did, like he hadn’t eaten for days.</p><p>His eyes settled on Hyungsik, who was gazing at the food in front of him with very little interest, “not hungry?” he asked.</p><p>“Not particularly” Hyungsik muttered.</p><p>Ji-soo chewed his food slowly, regarding his friend. He looked around the hall, “what do you think so far?” he gestured around them with his chopsticks.</p><p>Hyungsik looked up at him. </p><p>Ji-soo had been with him all morning, sat beside him in class, but he had been existing in another world. A world where conversation was easy, introductions were a fun world of discovery, signing up to extra-curricula activities exciting and in-jokes were already formulating between classmates. </p><p>It was a world that he felt desperate to be a part of. He craved it. But there was a veil between him and that world now. Now it was just him and the knot.</p><p>Ji-soo watched him thoughtfully and when he didn’t answer, “we should sign up for the soccer team!” he suggested with some enthusiasm.</p><p>Hyungsik’s eyes narrowed and he slowly shook his head, “not really my thing” he managed to say.</p><p>Ji-soo shrugged and returned his attention to his food, “wanna play games at mine after school?” he asked.</p><p>Hyungsik sighed, a wave of relief washing over him just thinking about finishing the school day, “yeah. Sounds good, Ji-ah,” he smiled weakly.</p><p>In the afternoon, there was a school assembly and the principal delivered a long speech welcoming the new students and offering a general reminder to all students to work hard for the year ahead. He talked a lot about the importance of school clubs and societies, which garnered several side-glances from Ji-soo as he mouthed ‘soccer’ at him.</p><p>Hyungsik had never been particularly sporty. </p><p>He sometimes played sports video games with Ji-soo and that was about where his interest ended. Ji-soo on the other hand, was constantly pulling in that direction, leaving Hyungsik alone at times to play soccer in the playground at primary school. He collected cards and seemed to watch sports on TV, constantly trying to make Hyungsik interested, to no avail.</p><p>Music on the other hand, was something that Hyungsik had always been passionate about, that is until his parents died. Ji-soo never understood. He listened to music of course, but he never seemed to <em>feel </em>the music, not the way Hyungsik did.</p><p>Their friendship was built around their mutual interest in video games, but as the years went on, he became aware of the pull they both had in different directions. Now, more than ever.</p><p>This made Hyungsik feel sick. The knot was creeping into his throat again, and he was relieved when the assembly began an applause, which snapped him out of his miserable train of thought.</p><p>They made their way back to their homeroom, for the final class of the day, Ji-soo talking enthusiastically about how he was going to sign up for soccer and may even try for the captain position. Hyungsik simply nodded, his eyes on his own feet.</p><p>It was during English that Hyungsik decided his first day of school was a very bad one.</p><p>The lesson was interesting at first, the small teacher gave them a brief summary of what she was hoping to cover for the next few weeks and she talked passionately about poetry. Hyungsik’s interest peaked as she started talking about the structure of poetry and how it can often be not unlike a song. He found himself daydreaming about the songs he liked to write and about his notebook sat in the drawer of his desk at home, frayed edges and comforting pages.</p><p>“Er… Park Hyungsik. Would you like to start us off?” the teacher called, Hyungsik suddenly becoming aware of her again.</p><p>“Oh. Sorry, Seonsaengnim ?” Hyungsik sheepishly asked, “what would you like me to do again?”</p><p>The class broke into quiet laughter and whispers.</p><p>“Page 94, Mr. Park,” she repeated, not unkindly, “we’re reading <em>The Stick Together Families </em>by Edgar Guest”</p><p>Hyungsik hurriedly searched for the page in his book and then he began to read aloud. As he was reading the words, only then did it register what this poem is about and the knot in his stomach began a slow ascent to his throat. </p><p>It was not until the final verse, that he began to struggle to breathe:</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>“<em>It's the stick-together family that wins the joys of earth,</em></p>
  <p>
    <em>That hears the sweetest music and that finds the finest mirth;</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>It's the old home roof that shelters all the charm that life can give;</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>There you find the gladdest play-ground, there the happiest spot to live.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>And, O weary, wandering brother, if contentment you would win,</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Come you back unto the fireside and be comrade with your kin.”</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>As Hyungsik read the final line, he struggled to hold back the feeling that he was going to be sick. He felt dizzy and waves of hot and cold rushed over him.</p><p>“My goodness, are you feeling okay Mr. Park?” the teacher asked him, concern all over her face.</p><p>Hyungsik felt a hand around his wrist and he knew it was Ji-soo, but he closed his eyes, unable to look at his face.</p><p>“Can I go to the bathroom please, Seonsaengnim <em>?” </em>he managed to ask, suddenly feeling quite faint.</p><p>“Of course you can,” she replied.</p><p>“I’ll go with him,” he heard Ji-soo say.</p><p>“No!” Hyungsik said quickly, still unable to look at his face, “I’ll be fine.” </p><p>He rushed out of the classroom, hearing his classmates begin a quiet chatter of confusion.</p><p>It’s not until he found an empty stall and locked the door behind him, that the nausea gave way to sorrow, and he was overcome. </p><p>He could hear himself wailing in anguish but it sounded far away like it wasn’t his own voice. </p><p>His head felt heavy and his eyes burned.</p><p>After several minutes, he finally caught his breath and his wails turned into sobs which he tried to obscure in the sleeves of his sweatshirt.</p><p>Without warning, the door to his stall opened violently and he lowered his hand from his face, to find an older boy staring at him, his legs poised as though he had just kicked the door. </p><p>He was tall, likely in the grade above Hyungsik, and he wore a pinched, cruel expression on his face.</p><p>He didn't hesitate to step into the stall and grab Hyungsik by his sweatshirt, lifting him slightly from the floor.</p><p>“Why are you crying, <em>dongkochung?” </em>he asked harshly, pulling Hyungsik up sharply and then slamming his back and head against the stall, he didn’t let up and shook Hyungsik like a ragdoll, hissing into his face: “sissy, <em>dongkochung”. </em></p><p>He grabbed Hyungsik’s head and slammed the left side of his face into the stall-wall, catching his nose. </p><p>He felt blood trickling out of his nose and onto his lips.</p><p>His head still throbbing, Hyungsik heard the door to the bathroom groan open but the boy didn’t let that stop him. </p><p>With his free hand, he grabbed Hyungsik’s bag and up-ended it, spilling the contents all over the floor. </p><p>The boy looked at his things and scoffed, kicking a games magazine out of the stall.</p><p>It was just as the boy pulled his free arm back, fist ready for another punch, that something made contact with his face.</p><p>Hyungsik could barely make out what was happening, his vision blurred, a dull ringing in his ears, but as the boy released his grip on his sweater, Hyungsik realised that the boy was being bombarded with bundles of wet toilet paper.</p><p>He turned to find another boy standing in front of the long row of sinks. He was tall and definitely older than both of them. He was breathing heavily, more wet toilet paper in his right hand and a look of anger, fear and defiance on his face.</p><p>“Leave him alone,” he said quietly, eyes never leaving the other boy.</p><p>The bully stared at him, wiping his face with his sleeve and marched up to him, slowing as he got closer, seemingly realising that his assailant is considerably taller than him.</p><p>There was a brief moment of silence between them, as if they were all holding their breaths.</p><p>“Whatever, you pair of fags” the bully said finally before spitting on the floor in front of them both and marching out of the bathroom.</p><p>Hyungsik exhaled and slid to the floor, his knees at his chest. He felt numb and in shock, the pain from his head and nose only slowly registering with him. </p><p>He hardly noticed the other boy approach him and crouch down in the stall next to him.</p><p>“Are you okay?” he asked, in a hushed voice. He gently rested a hand on Hyungsik’s shoulder and tried to meet his gaze.</p><p>Hyungsik looked at him finally. </p><p>“I’m okay, I think,” he breathed, “thank you.”</p><p>“Look at me,” the boy asked of Hyungsik, his index finger under his chin, very gently easing his head up, “oh god, look at you,” he said softly, his brows knitted with concern, “we need to get you to the nurse and report this.”</p><p>“No!” Hyungsik cried, surprising even himself, “no. I’m fine, honestly. Thank you.”</p><p>The older boy frowned at him, regarding him closely before exhaling, “at least let me clean you up a bit then?” he asked, his expression one of empathy and understanding.</p><p>Hyungsik looked at him then. He had a kind face. </p><p>He nodded.</p><p>The boy began to fetch more tissue, some sheets slightly dampened with water and he began to gently wipe the blood from Hyungsik’s face, in small strokes, careful not to touch his nose too much.</p><p>“That guy is an asshole, in case you hadn’t already figured that out” the boy said quietly, as he washed his face, “he’s so stupid that I’m amazed he can get dressed in the morning. His family are vile and they’ve raised their children with their sick, twisted values. Just avoid him if you can.”</p><p>“Noted,” Hyungsik responded, offering a weak smile.</p><p>“Is this your first day?” the boy asked.</p><p>Hyungsik let out a small laugh, “it is. Not off to the <em>best </em>start.”</p><p>The other boy returned a quick laugh, “you know, my first day here was not unlike yours. You’ll get through it, I promise.”</p><p>Hyungsik felt inexplicable comfort from his words, as if he wasn’t just talking about school.</p><p>“There,” the boy said finally, “all cleaned up. No-one would know.” </p><p>Then his gaze fell to Hyungsik’s grey sweatshirt, “Oh.”</p><p>Hyungsik looked down to find three long streaks of blood down the front of his sweatshirt. Very noticeable blood. He stood up and rushed to the sink, splashing water on himself, only making the stain bigger and more obvious. </p><p>He felt hot tears pooling in his eyes again.</p><p>“Here,” the boy said, putting his bag on the floor by his feet and removing his knitted sweater, before handing it to Hyungsik.</p><p>Hyungsik was momentarily stunned by the act of kindness, before coming to his senses, “thank you,” he said quietly, trying to keep the wonder from his eyes. </p><p>He removed his sweatshirt and pulled the knitted sweater over his head. It was too big for him, but not obviously so.</p><p>The boy smiled kindly at him and then looked at the floor, “yah, let me help you with your stuff” he said as he noticed the pens and papers on the tiles.</p><p>They both crouched on the floor and silently gathered Hyungsik’s things.</p><p>As the boy reached for one of Hyungsik’s games magazines, he let out a warm laugh. “Xbox or Playstation” he asked.</p><p>Hyungsik felt his cheeks grow hot. He didn’t know why but he felt suddenly aware of himself more than he’d like to be.</p><p>He smiled at the boy, “Playstation. I got the second one when it came out, my parents…” </p><p>The knot. He felt it creeping to his throat again.</p><p>The boy clearly noticed the change in Hyungsik’s expression and his brow furrowed slightly.</p><p>“That’s cool,” he offered finally, clearly trying to break the silence between them, “I’ve been playing a lot of <em>Knights of the Old Republic </em>lately.”</p><p>Hyungsik’s eyes widened, “oh cool - that was the first one I bought too. After I got the PS2, I mean.”</p><p>“Cool” the boy smiled.</p><p>After gathering his things and Hyungsik squeezing everything, including his bloodied sweatshirt, into his bag, they stood at the door to the bathroom.</p><p>“Thank you,” Hyungsik said, “for helping me and for… your sweater,” he smiled, looking down at himself, feeling a little embarrassed.</p><p>The boy tapped him lightly on the arm, plucking at the sleeve of the sweater, “no problem,” he said, offering another warm smile, “maybe I’ll see you around?”</p><p>“Yeah” Hyungsik managed.</p><p>“Cool. Well, take care of yourself,” the boy said finally before walking out of the bathroom.</p><p>Hyungsik watched him leave, feeling slightly awed. </p><p>He looked down at the knitted sweater, before leaving the bathroom and heading back to class.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>As Seojoon walked home, he felt tension in his body. </p><p>
  <em>You pair of fags</em>
</p><p>The boy’s words echoed in his head. </p><p>The kid’s face, blood pouring from his nose.</p><p>His wide eyes filled with so much sadness.</p><p>"Fucker", he whispered to himself.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“Are you okay?” Ji-soo asked as they filed out of the classroom to their lockers.</p><p>“No, I’m really not,” Hyungsik said in a low voice, looking around him, his bottom lip trembling.</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>“I was crying in the bathroom and this boy… he started hitting me and calling me names.”</p><p>Ji-soo's face flashed with anger, "what the fuck?! When? After you left class?"</p><p>Hyungsik focussed his attention on his locker and just nodded. He knew that if he looked at Ji-soo, he would start to cry again.</p><p>"What are you wearing?" Ji-soo asked, sounding confused.</p><p>Hyungsik looked down at the boy's sweater, "another boy, a ninth grader, he helped me. He stopped him and then… helped to clean up the blood. I've got blood on my sweatshirt so he gave me this. I didn't want anyone to see."</p><p>Ji-soo lunged in front of him, forcing to meet his eyes.</p><p>"Hyung, why the fuck didn't you report this?!" he said, jaw tight.</p><p>"That's not how I want to start this school," Hyungsik said solemnly, still unable to meet Ji-soo's eyes for too long, "Ji-ah, he called me dongkochung<em>. </em>And fag."</p><p>At this, Ji-soo kicked the lockers hard and began pacing back-and-forth behind him.</p><p>"Do you know his name?" Ji-soo asked after a short moment of silence.</p><p>"No. Look, I just want to go home. Can we just go?" Hyungsik was feeling more angry now and felt a wave of irritation towards Ji-soo.</p><p>Ji-soo huffed and snatched Hyungsik’s bag off of his shoulders, “fine, let’s get going.”</p><p>They walked out of the school gates in tense silence.</p><p>Finally, calming down a little, Hyungsik ventured, “why are you mad at <em>me </em>?”</p><p>“I’m not mad at you,” Ji-soo snapped, “I’m just mad. You shouldn’t have to put up with this shit. Not now, not ever.”</p><p>Hyungsik sighed. He agreed with Ji-soo, but frankly, nothing in his life made sense or felt fair anymore. In fact: this was nothing. Everything he was feeling; fear, confusion, pain. What’s a punch to the face really?</p><p>
  <em>You’ll get through it, I promise.</em>
</p><p>He would. </p><p>For Ji-soo. </p><p>For his sister.</p><p>For his parents.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Sweet Nothings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Seojoon and Hyungsik’s families spend most of their first day catching-up in the ski-lodge.</p><p>After a long afternoon of food and alcohol, they all decide to go their separate ways, arranging to meet at 8.30am for breakfast.</p><p>Seojoon’s grandmother grumbles that she’s tired, so his cousin helps her back to their cabin and Seojoon’s parents, aunt and uncle decide to watch television in their cabin.</p><p>Taehyung mutters something about meeting his friends and disappears amongst the cabins.</p><p>Joo-Young, Su-A, Hyungsik and Seojoon decide to take a walk around the lake, as snow falls and the sun begins to set behind the mountains.</p><p>A bitter wind begins to blow, as they reach the lake and Su-A links her arm with Joo-Young’s and they shiver, as Seojoon grabs Hyungsik’s hand and places it inside his coat pocket with a smile.</p><p>“Are you still writing songs?” Su-A asks, turning to Hyungsik who is walking beside her.</p><p>Hyungsik looks at the sky, “sort of?” he says, with a grin, screwing his face up.</p><p>“I always thought you could do more with your music, Hyungsik. You’re very talented!” she nods.</p><p>Seojoon nods in agreement and gives his boyfriend a meaningful look, eyebrows raised.</p><p>“Stop,” Hyungsik warns Seojoon, before turning back to Su-A and noticing a flash of confusion on her face, “he’s always bullying me about it,” he explains.</p><p>Su-A glances at Seojoon and he nods back at her, “I think he should record some of it. He’s amazing.”</p><p>Hyungsik hunches his shoulders and whines, “not on my own - it’s too weird! It’s fine when I’m in a band!”</p><p>“Your bands have all been <em>terrible </em>!” Joo-young weighs-in, “the time you had that singer who loved himself a bit too much and just warbled constantly - he couldn’t even sing either! You’re much better than him.”</p><p>“Oh, Red Hat,” Hyungsik says flatly, looking a little haunted.</p><p>Seojoon laughs, “that’s the worst band name I think I’ve ever heard!”</p><p>Hyungsik turns to him and laughs, “that wasn’t our band name - that’s what he called himself!”</p><p>They all laugh at this, Su-A wiping tears from her eyes.</p><p>Joo-young regards Seojoon and Hyungsik for a moment before saying, “I bet you have a song don’t you? You guys totally have a song.”</p><p>Seojoon and Hyungsik look at one another.</p><p>“What do you mean, Joo-ah? A song that we both love or do you mean one that I’ve written for him?” Hyungsik asks her, turning back to meet her eyes.</p><p>“I meant a song that you’ve written for him, but do you also have a song - like a couples’ song?” she laughs, eyebrows raised.</p><p>They look at one another again and laugh.</p><p>“Can we get back to you about the couples’ song?” Hyungsik says, finally, looking uncharacteristically flushed.</p><p>Su-A and Joo-young exchange a look and shake their heads, laughing quietly.</p><p>“And <em>have </em>you written a song for him?” Su-A presses.</p><p>Hyungsik continues to look flushed and covers his mouth with his fingers, a smile in his eyes.</p><p>“All of my songs have been for him,” he admits.</p><p>“Oh my god, stop!” his sister cries, “you’re too much. Seriously - that’s ridiculous!”</p><p>Seojoon squeezes Hyungsik’s hand in his pocket, and they exchange sheepish smiles.</p><p>Su-A laughs at Joo-young before turning to the men, “I think it’s wonderful - really,” she says with a big smile.</p><p>“You don’t have to be around them all the time! It’s just - how?! How are they this cute? Like, seriously, <em>no-one </em>likes their partner that much!” Joo-young protests, waving her arms around.</p><p>Su-A chuckles, “you just haven’t met the right person yet, Joo-Young.”</p><p>“It’s not just me - like, I don’t know another couple like them,” she waves her hand at the men, looking disgusted and exasperated.</p><p>“Thanks?” Hyungsik laughs, raising an eyebrow at her.</p><p>“You know I love you both, but do you know how hard it is to see you throwing heart-eyes at each other, sighing adoringly as you watch each other - I don’t know - eat or something!” she turns to Su-A, “two weeks ago, Seojoon dropped an entire pot of soondubuchigae all over their kitchen floor and Hyungsik ran to help him, and when I went to see if I could help, they were making out behind the kitchen island! Like, they can’t be a <em>normal </em>couple and have a massive domestic about it?! Oh no! To them, that situation was completely romantic or something!”</p><p>Hyungsik and Seojoon stop walking and Hyungsik turns to his sister, a surprised expression on his face, “been holding that in for a while, have we?!” he laughs.</p><p>“Yeah, I don’t think Su-A really wants to hear about that, Joo-ah!” Seojoon complains, looking red-faced.</p><p>Su-A laughs heartily, looking at each of them, before settling her eyes on Hyungsik, and reaching her hand to his face, “you seem very much in love and the kind of love you have is a rare thing, Hyungsik,” she says, a little more seriously, “I’m so happy for you.”</p><p>“Me too, obviously!” Joo-young adds, looking a little guilty.</p><p>Su-A turns her attention back to Joo-young, reaching for her face, “Joo-young, you will meet the right person, I promise you,” she sighs and lets out a chuckle, before continuing to walk alongside the lake, the rest of them falling back into step with her.</p><p>After a short comfortable silence between them, Seojoon asks Su-A, “what’s it like living in Tokyo?”</p><p>“A dream come true,” Su-A replies, looking misty-eyed at the lake, “I pinch myself everyday.”</p><p>“Su-A has wanted to live there since she was a little girl,” Hyungsik explains to Seojoon, “you used to talk about it all the time when we were kids,” he says, turning back to Su-A.</p><p>“I can’t explain it, but it has always felt… like home to me,” she says with a contented sigh, “you would think, after seven years, I’d grow tired of it, but I seem to love it more and more with each day that passes.”</p><p>“I don’t think I’ve ever felt like that about a place,” Seojoon ponders.</p><p>“Sometimes home isn’t a <em>place </em>, sometimes it’s a <em>person </em>,” she offers, looking knowingly at Seojoon and Hyungsik.</p><p>They steal a glance at one another, slightly bashfully, before moving closer to one another, shoulders pressing together as they walk.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>When they return to their cabin, Seojoon and Hyungsik are relieved to find Taehyung is still out somewhere, likely with his friends.</p><p>It’s not late, barely 9pm but they both instinctively climb the stairs to the bedroom.</p><p>Seojoon sits down at the foot of the bed and removes his coat.</p><p>Hyungsik hangs his coat on the back of the door before heading for one of their suitcases, but Seojoon grabs his wrist and tries to pull him down onto the bed.</p><p>“Wait!” Hyungsik laughs, before striding to a case and pulling out a bluetooth speaker. He starts a playlist on his phone, soft music filling the silence in the cabin.</p><p>Seojoon watches him with amusement as he returns to the bedroom door and locks it.</p><p>Hyungsik strides back to the foot of the bed and rests his right knee on the mattress, lowering himself on Seojoon’s thighs and pushing him backwards.</p><p>“I feel like we were in the middle of something. Remind me again what that was?” he says softly, almost with a whisper, eyes narrowed, looking at Seojoon’s lips.</p><p>Seojoon sweeps his right hand down Hyungsik’s back and slides his left hand around the back of Hyungsik’s head, curling his fingers into his hair, “was it something like this?” he asks, breathing deeply.</p><p>Hyungik lunges forward, pressing himself down on Seojoon and they frantically kiss, lips on lips, tongues on necks, lips on shoulders, pulling at one another’s clothes feverishly, as though they can just <em>will </em>them away.</p><p>“I’ve got a confession to make,” Seojoon whispers breathlessly on Hyungsik’s neck, “five percent of my brain was thinking about this all afternoon and evening.”</p><p>Hyungsik laughs, breathing hot air on Seojoon’s cheek, “same, although I don’t know if it was my brain - my blood was definitely rushing elsewhere.”</p><p>“Well,” Seojoon continues, licking and kissing the other side of his neck, “definitely at ninety-five percent now.”</p><p>“Only ninety-five?” Hyungsik breathes, pulling himself up to look at Seojoon, with an eyebrow raised.</p><p>Seojoon smirks at him, chewing on his lower lip, “we’re still talking, aren’t we?”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Hyungsik wakes as dawn breaks, and soft winter light creeps through the gap in the curtains in the bedroom. </p><p>He reaches for his phone on the bedside table and checks the time: 08:03am.</p><p>He rolls over to Seojoon and eases his fingers into his hair.</p><p>“Seo-ah,” he whispers.</p><p>Seojoon groans, squirming on the bed, before opening one eye and squinting at him, “what time is it?” he croaks.</p><p>“Eight,” Hyungsik says apologetically.</p><p>“Whyyyyy,” he groans before pouting at Hyungsik, “who’s idea was it to go on a week-long holiday with my family?”</p><p>“Ah - I believe the mastermind of that plan, was you, sir,” Hyungsik says, matter-of-factly, before planting a kiss on his cheek.</p><p>Seojoon grabs at his upper arm and tries to pull him closer.</p><p>“Oh no! No time for that - we’re meeting them in half an hour and I’m having a shower!” Hyungsik exclaims, starting to sit up in the bed.</p><p>Seojoon slides forward in the bed and begins kissing Hyungsik’s back, hands squeezing his thighs, “I need a shower too,” he says, pointedly.</p><p>Hyungsik turns to him, a mischievous smile creeping on his face, “we only have half an hour, though?”</p><p>“We can do it - I believe in us,” Seojoon nods earnestly, before grinning at him.</p><p>They creep downstairs, noticing Taehyung’s closed door and head to the bathroom.</p><p>“Why do I feel like a naughty child?” Hyungsik laughs as he locks the door behind them and removes his clothes, Seojoon doing the same, smirking at him.</p><p>Seojoon steps in the shower and turns the water on, adjusting the temperature.</p><p>“Are we lust-bunnies?” Hyungsik asks, remembering Taehyung’s words from the previous day.</p><p>Seojoon laughs, “if we are, then I’m fine with it,” he shrugs before stepping closer to him and sliding his hands down Hyungsik’s back and onto his butt. He leans closer to Hyungsik’s face, “I can’t help it if I just crave you all the time.”</p><p>“You and your words,” Hyungsik whispers, stepping forward and closing the gap between them, tilting his head to the side and pressing his lips against Seojoon’s, slowly sliding his tongue into his mouth. </p><p>He pushes them both back into the shower.</p><p> </p><p>Twenty five minutes later, they open the bathroom door to find Taehyung sitting on the sofa in the living room.</p><p>He looks up at them, a resigned look on his face. </p><p>“Do you ever stop? I mean, do you ever have a day when you’re like: <em>I have a headache </em>?” he complains, “I came back last night: you’re fucking. I wake up this morning: you’re fucking. Are you trying to set a record or something?”</p><p>Seojoon rubs his face with his hand looking mildly embarrassed and Hyungsik laughs, sitting down on the arm of the sofa.</p><p>“Sorry, Tae,” he says, sheepishly.</p><p>“What would you do if you were sharing a cabin with Eomma and Appa?!” he cries, “or Halmeoni<em>?! </em>You’re really taking advantage of my good-nature!”</p><p>Seojoon scoffs at this and Taehyung throws him a scowl.</p><p>Hyungsik laughs again, raising his hands to both of them, “sorry Tae - you’re right. We promise to…” he turns to Seojoon, who folds his arms and raises his eyebrows at him, “...be more discreet?” he offers, turning back to Taehyung.</p><p>“God, you can’t even <em>contemplate </em>it, can you?” Taehyung says with disgust, “I will give you a hundred and fifty thousand won, if you can make it until the end of the trip.”</p><p>Seojoon narrows his eyes at his brother, “you know I’m sort of rich now, right?”</p><p>“What would it take?!” Taehyung gasps, “name your price!”</p><p>Hyungsik starts laughing hysterically at this and Seojoon heads to the kitchen, pouring himself some coffee.</p><p> </p><p>***  </p><p> </p><p>At breakfast, Seojoon’s grandmother decides she wants to sit next to Hyungsik, likely because he had been talking to her on the walk to the lodge about her latest knitting project.</p><p>“I used to make them all the time” she continues, still talking about knitting, as he helps her sit down in one of the chairs, “that was when the grandchildren were small - little hats and mittens, with string to run through the sleeves of their coats. I don’t get to make them much now - I’ll have to wait for the great-grandchildren!” she looks at Seojoon, who forces a smile.</p><p>“When will that be, Seojoon?” she asks him, maintaining an intense stare.</p><p>“I don’t know why you’re picking on me, Halmeoni<em>!” </em>Seojoon laughs, “what about Taehyung?!”</p><p>“He’s still young yet,” she asserts, “why haven’t you found yourself a lovely wife yet?”</p><p>Hyungsik raises a finger to the corner of his eye, pretending to rub it, glancing across the table to Taehyung who is doing the same. They suppress a smirk.</p><p>Seojoon pretends not to notice them, “I live with Hyungsik, Halmeoni<em>,” </em>he sighs, putting a hand on Hyungsik’s shoulder and squeezing his neck with his fingers. </p><p>They both look at her and smile.</p><p>“In Seoul, yes I know, with that lovely little dog of yours,” she nods, “but you really need to settle down now. You can’t be bachelors forever!” she throws them an expression that looks like a warning and raises her cup of tea to her face.</p><p>Hyungsik and Taehyung exchange the secret signal and Seojoon shakes his head, laughing in disbelief.</p><p>“Who’s ready to hit the slopes then?” Seojoon’s aunt asks the table with some enthusiasm.</p><p>“Have you been skiing before, Hae-Won?” Hyungsik enquires, sipping water from his glass.</p><p>Hae-won, Seojoon’s aunt, glances at her husband and then Seojoon’s parents, “we went skiing back in ninety-nine, didn’t we? Hopefully I’ll remember how!” </p><p>Hyungsik turns to Seojoon, “so you were… eleven?”</p><p>“Something like that,” he nods.</p><p>“Seojie was very worried about his brother, convinced he was going to fall from the ski-lift,” Seojoon’s mother explained, “you were always such an anxious child!”</p><p>“Not much has changed then!” Hyungsik smiles at Seojoon, who narrows his eyes at him.</p><p>“You were deathly afraid of the musk deer, I remember <em>that </em>much,” Seojoon’s uncle laughs.</p><p>“And who’s fault was <em>that </em>?!” Seojoon exclaims, raising his eyebrows at his uncle, who simply winks at him.</p><p>Hyungsik laughs to himself.</p><p>“Well, we’ve never been skiing so this will probably be embarrassing,” Joo-young announces, gesturing from herself, to Hyungsik and Su-A.</p><p>“I was four so I don’t remember any of our last trip,” Taehyung assures her, “it doesn’t really look hard though.”</p><p>“You’d be surprised,” Seojoon’s uncle warns, “they are many ways that things can go wrong.”</p><p>Seojoon’s cousin, blanches at this, throwing a concerned glance to his mother.</p><p>“Hyuk is another family-worrier,” Hae-won explains, glancing around the table and smiling, as she ruffles her son’s hair.</p><p>“You’ll be fine, Hyuk,” Seojoon assures him, “and you don’t have to go - there’s plenty to do here instead. I don’t mind staying with you?”</p><p>“Oh-ho-ho-no you don’t, Mister!” Hyungsik laughs, jabbing Seojoon’s stomach.</p><p>Seojoon suppresses a smile and turns to him, an innocent look on his face, “I’m just trying to be helpful. I don’t mind missing out.”</p><p>“No!” Hyungsik warns, pointing his index finger at him, a big smile on his face, “you’re coming with me,” he tugs on his sweater.</p><p>Seojoon turns back to his cousin and shrugs. </p><p>His cousin smiles back, weakly.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>An hour or so later, the group are huddled in the queue for the ski lift, dressed in their warmest clothes; knitted sweaters, thick jackets, big boots, hats, gloves, scarfs and of course: skis on their feet. </p><p>It’s a clear, bright day with not a cloud in the sky, but the wind is bitterly cold and they all huddle together whenever a strong gust blows through the group.</p><p>“So we all sit on the chair-lift, we put the safety bar across and then when we get to the top of the slope, we lift the bar up and just hop off onto the slope!” Hae-won explains to a very anxious looking Hyuk.</p><p>“Am I going with you?” he asks her, pleadingly.</p><p>“If you want to!” she laughs, “you could’ve stayed with Halmeoni if you’d wanted?” </p><p>Hyuk glances up at the slope and a regretful expression settles on his face.</p><p>Hyungsik chuckles before looking at Seojoon.</p><p>“Excited?” he says to him, mouth open with mock-exhilaration, and tugging at his jacket, rocking him back-and-forth.</p><p>Seojoon offers a weak smile, “the things I do for you, Hyung-cha.”</p><p>Hyungsik laughs, “you’re not <em>really </em>worried are you? This is a beginner slope,” he assures him.</p><p>“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Seojoon replies, unconvincingly, watching people climb onto the chair-lift ahead of them.</p><p>“I need you to teach me!” Hyungsik smiles, nudging him with his hip, “you’re the expert here,” he smiles.</p><p>Seojoon looks at him then and smiles, eyes twinkling, “how do you do that?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You know what”</p><p>“I genuinely don’t,” Hyungsik laughs.</p><p>“Hmm… maybe you don’t know you’re doing it,” he smirks.</p><p>“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Seo-ah!” Hyungsik grabs his arm, “tell me!”</p><p>Seojoon looks around at the group and smiles to himself, “I’ll tell you later,” he says in a low voice.</p><p>Hyungsik narrows his eyes at him, “colour me intrigued.”</p><p>Seojoon laughs at that, “ah well, don’t get your hopes up. It’s nothing, really.”</p><p>“Whisper it to me,” Hyungsik tries.</p><p>“No!” Seojoon guffaws before rolling his eyes and looking at Hyungsik, “why did I say anything?!”</p><p>“Because you’re a massive tease apparently!” Hyungsik laughs.</p><p>Taehyung groans from behind Seojoon.</p><p>“Are they whispering sweet-nothings again?” Joo-young asks.</p><p>“They’re honestly exhausting,” Taehyung complains, “this morning -”</p><p>Seojoon interrupts him, “I swear if you say one more word, Tae -” </p><p>“You’ll what?!” Taehyung starts, “torture me with the sound of you and your boyfriend -”</p><p>“Tae!” Hyungsik laughs.</p><p>“I am scandalised!” Joo-young laughs, “those good boys would never do such a thing with a sibling in the house,” she throws them a knowing look.</p><p>Seojoon’s father coughs loudly, having seemingly ended his conversation with his wife and sister.</p><p>Seojoon winces and turns away, Hyungsik leaning into him, hiding his face, silently laughing against his chest.</p><p> </p><p>They reach the front of the queue and the chair-lift approaches Seojoon’s parents first, the operator stopping the mechanism so that they can settle in the chair and lower the safety bar over them.</p><p>Next is Hae-won and Hyuk, followed by Taehyung and his uncle, then Su-A and Joo-young until finally it’s Hyungsik and Seojoon’s turn.</p><p>As they sit down in the chair-lift and lower the bar, Hyungsik nudges Seojoon, “you can tell me now,” he winks.</p><p>“Oh my god, Hyung-cha!” he guffaws, “fine - it’s not a big deal. You’ll probably wonder what all the fuss was about.”</p><p>“Probably, but do go on,” Hyungsik says eagerly.</p><p>“Well… I was feeling anxious and you were talking about needing me to show you how to ski”</p><p>“Yep”</p><p>“And…” Seojoon trails off, looking at his hand sheepishly, “it made me feel better.”</p><p>“What did?”</p><p>Seojoon sighs and wriggles on the chair-lift, rocking it from side to side as they climb steadily up the slope.</p><p>“I can’t be anxious <em>and </em>look after you, so…” Seojoon explains.</p><p>Hyungsik frowns for a moment, considering him, before asking: “so, when I need you to look after me, your anxiety goes away?”</p><p>“I guess you don’t know you do it, but you always do. Always have,” Seojoon nods, looking earnestly at him, cheeks and nose red from the cold air.</p><p>“That’s… fucking adorable,” Hyungsik announces, staring at him.</p><p>“Is it?” Seojoon winces, “it’s not weird?”</p><p>“Why would it be weird for you to want to take care of me?” Hyungsik chuckles, “of course, now you know I know this, it’s never going to work again - you know that right?”</p><p>“Shit,” Seojoon winces with a smile, “have I broken the spell?”</p><p>“I’ll just have to think of a new approach,” Hyungsik smiles warmly, eyes half-moons.</p><p>“I have that craving again,” Seojoon says with narrowed eyes, bumping his shoulder into Hyungsik.</p><p>“I could eat too,” Hyungsik nods, enthusiastically, “we can’t help it if we’re insatiable!” </p><p>Seojoon leans close to kiss him, but Hyungsik suddenly looking ahead of them, exclaims, “Here we go, Seo-ah!”</p><p>Seojoon looks up to find they have reached the top of the ski slope and are rapidly approaching the turning junction.</p><p>Hyungsik grabs his hand, “don’t worry - just don’t let go of my hand okay?” he says.</p><p>Seojoon nods.</p><p>As they reach the top of the slope, Seojoon starts to panic, “it’s actually really steep, Hyung-cha!”</p><p>“It’s not, Seo-ah, it just looks like it from here! This is the beginners slope!” Hyungsik assures him, lifting the bar up over their heads. He squeezes his hand, “ready?”</p><p>“No!” Seojoon laughs.</p><p>As the chair-lift hits the corner of the junction, they drop their weight from the chair-lift, Hyungsik is the first to touch his skis down onto the slope and begins to slide, but Seojoon panics and flailing his legs, his left ski catches in the snow of the slope, sending his body careening forward until he falls face-first into the snow.</p><p>Hyungsik, still holding his hand and now laughing hysterically, starts to fall onto his side until he too hits the slope, hard.</p><p>He crawls to Seojoon, who is raising himself up out of the snow, spluttering, mouth full of snow.</p><p>“<em> Are you-u ok-ay </em>?” Hyungsik barely manages to ask between hysterical laughs.</p><p>Seojoon grabs him by his coat and gathers a handful of snow, before stuffing it down the front of his sweater.</p><p>Hyungsik gasps at the cold snow sliding down his chest, “oh my god! What was that for?! It wasn’t my fault!” he laughs breathlessly.</p><p>“That was for laughing!” Seojoon cries, wiping snow from his face.</p><p>Hyungsik lunges forward and sits on his stomach pinning him down before grabbing a handful of snow. </p><p>Seojoon struggles to escape the forthcoming attack, guffawing loudly and grasping for more snow, rapidly firing small amounts at Hyungsik.</p><p>Hyungsik screws up his face to shield himself from the attack and lifts up the bottom of Seojoon’s jacket, struggling to peel up his sweater as Seojoon thrashes wildly.</p><p>“No!” Seojoon cries desperately, as Hyungsik flings the snow under his sweater.</p><p>Mouth agape, Seojoon stares at Hyungsik with outrage, clearly plotting his next move.</p><p>“Ceasefire!” Hyungsik cries, holding his hand up to his face and wincing.</p><p>“I think you boys should move out of the way of the slope,” Seojoon’s father advises from behind them.</p><p>It’s only then do they both remember where they are and realise there are a lot of people staring at them at the top of the slope, including Seojoon’s family, Su-A and Joo-young.</p><p>Hyungsik coughs and then using one of his ski-poles, he climbs to his feet, reaching out to help Seojoon.</p><p>They make their way back to the group, who were seemingly waiting under the trees to the side of the slope.</p><p>Upon reaching them, Taehyung immediately thrusts his phone into Seojoon’s face, with a wide, satisfied grin on his face. </p><p>On the screen is a recording of Seojoon’s fall from the ski-lift, the video looping to start again, each time his face hits the snow, as the chorus of Sade’s <em>Smooth Operator </em>plays.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Later that afternoon, Hyungsik meets Su-A and Joo-young at the bar in the ski-lodge and orders them all drinks.</p><p>“Let’s see then!” Su-A cries excitedly, grasping his wrist.</p><p>Hyungsik reaches into his pocket and keeping it low underneath the table, he shows them both a ring box, opening it to reveal two rings.</p><p>“Oh my god! I can’t believe my big brother is getting married!” Joo-young squeals, wrapping her arm around his neck and stamping her feet rapidly and lightly on the carpet.</p><p>“Well, I hope so!” Hyungsik laughs.</p><p>“The way that boy looks at you, there’s not a chance, he’ll say no.” Su-A smiles at him.</p><p>Hyungsik beams at her, bashfully.</p><p>“When are you doing it?” Joo-young asks, shaking him back and forth.</p><p>“The day after tomorrow, hopefully,” he replies, “that’s the twenty-third, right?”</p><p>Su-A looks at her phone, “it is. What’s significant about the twenty-third?”</p><p>Hyungsik presses his lips together and looks at the ceiling.</p><p>The women both stare at him before they realise what he’s not saying.</p><p>“That’s a romantic story too,” Joo-young nods at Su-A.</p><p>“Really?” Su-A raises an eyebrow at him.</p><p>“Seojoon wrote him a <em>poem </em>!” Joo-young gushes.</p><p>“It wasn’t a poem!” Hyungsik laughs, “it was just something he wrote about me. I don’t think he ever meant for me to see it.”</p><p>“What did it say?” Su-A asks, curiosity all over her face.</p><p>“Something about him being like a really warm person, or something,” Joo-young tries.</p><p>Hyungsik turns to her and narrows his eyes, “Joo-ah.”</p><p>“What?!” she cries.</p><p>He turns to Su-A and reaches into his pocket. He pulls out his phone and scrolls to his photos.</p><p>“I had it framed because it means a lot to me,” he says softly, putting the phone down on the table and sliding it over to her.</p><p>After a few moments of reading on his screen, Su-A reaches to her eyes, wiping a small tear away.</p><p>Hyungsik sighs happily and retrieves his phone, returning it to his pocket, and turns to Su-A.</p><p>“How long had you known him when he wrote that?” she asks, sniffing and wiping her eyes.</p><p>Hyungsik looks at the ceiling thinking before saying: “four days.”</p><p>“That’s remarkable,” she says softly, “you’re both remarkable.”</p><p>“I feel like… what I have with him…” Hyungsik trails off, looking a little emotional, “he makes me so happy.”</p><p>“I can see that,” Su-A agrees, “you clearly make him very happy too.”</p><p>“I love him so much, Su-A,” Hyungsik turns to her, tears in his eyes now.</p><p>“Oh! Come here!” she cries, throwing her arms around him and Joo-young does the same as he wipes tears from his eyes and laughs.</p><p>Joo-young sits back in her chair slightly and drums her hands lightly on the table, “so you’ve told us the when, what about the how?”</p><p>“I was thinking of waiting until later, hopefully it’ll be a clear night and I’ll suggest we go for a walk by the lake,” Hyungsik explains.</p><p>“That sounds perfect,” Su-A smiles, “I hope you’ll both come and share it with us, afterwards?”</p><p>“Of course!” That’s why I wanted to do it here and I wanted you to come on this trip,” he grins at her.</p><p>“I’m so excited! Oh my god, can I help you plan your wedding?!” Joo-young gasps.</p><p>Hyungsik rolls his eyes at her, “can I propose to him first please? I’m terrified.”</p><p>“I don’t know why you’re terrified! He’s <em>obsessed </em>with you!” Joo-young says emphatically, “as Su-A said, there’s no way he’ll say no.”</p><p>“There’s this gnawing doubt…” Hyungsik admits.</p><p>“Oppa , if Seojoon says no to you, hell will literally freeze over, fairies will die, the universe will fold in on itself - it’ll be the end times!” Joo-young exclaims.</p><p>Hyungsik laughs and turns to her, “thanks Joo-ah.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Sixteen Years Ago - October 8th 2004</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was two weeks before Seojoon saw the boy again. </p><p>The trees were hues of red, orange and yellow and the walk to school was getting darker and colder by the day. Classes were falling into a routine again and Seojoon was feeling back in the rhythm of it all again.</p><p>He had just bought himself an apple from the dining hall and was making his way back outside, when he turned a corner too tightly against the lockers and promptly collided with a boy.</p><p>It took a few seconds for him to recognise him.</p><p>“Hi,” Seojoon smiled, eyes wide with surprise.</p><p>The boy looked awkward for a few seconds, glancing at the floor and rubbing his neck, before looking at Seojoon, “oh, hello”</p><p>“How are you doing?” Seojoon asked, eyes surveying him carefully, eyebrows slightly curved upwards with concern.</p><p>The boy managed a weak smile, “yeah - much better thanks.”</p><p>There was a moment of awkward silence between them, the boy looking back at his shoes, Seojoon nodding slowly, thinking what to say next.</p><p>“Well, see you around, I guess,” Seojoon smiled and started to walk away before the boy cried out to him.</p><p>“Your sweater!” he said, “I have it. In my locker.”</p><p>Seojoon turned around to look at him. </p><p>He had forgotten about his sweater and had assumed he’d never see it again.</p><p>“I washed it,” the boy said quietly, looking embarrassed. “My locker’s this way - let me get it for you,” he gestured in the direction Seojoon was heading, so Seojoon fell into step with him, as he walked towards a block of bright red lockers.</p><p>“You didn’t have to wash it,” Seojoon laughed, trying to make things a little less awkward with the boy.</p><p>This only seemed to make the boy more embarrassed, as Seojoon noticed his cheeks turn slightly red.</p><p>“Thank you though,” Seojoon added quickly, “I don’t even know how to use a washing machine!” he joked.</p><p>The boy managed a small smile which didn’t reach his eyes. </p><p>He reached out to his locker and entered the number combination on the lock. </p><p>Inside his locker, Seojoon observed that the boy had a lot of books, not just school books but books about music and poetry, as well as games magazines, just like the one that had been thrown on the bathroom floor.</p><p>He was about to ask him what he had been reading lately, trying to make conversation but also out of sheer curiosity but the boy handed him his sweater before he could speak.</p><p>“Thanks again,” the boy said quietly, seemingly unable to look at him for too long.</p><p>Seojoon nodded at him, his lips pressed together in a long, slightly awkward smile.</p><p>Another boy approached them both, excitement all over his face.</p><p>“Hyung! I made it! I’m the captain!” he began shaking the boy by the shoulders and jumping up and down on the spot.</p><p>“Wow that’s amazing, Ji-ah!” the boy smiled, not very convincingly.</p><p>Seojoon raised his sweater at him, “thanks” he mouthed as he walked away backwards.</p><p>The boy smiled again, this time with a little more warmth in his eyes.</p><p>Seojoon turned and headed outside.</p><p>There was something about that boy. </p><p>He reminded Seojoon of himself at that age and yet he seemed so sad. </p><p><em>Some people are sad because of their lives and other people are just sad </em>, he thinks to himself. </p><p>He wonders which applies to the boy.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“Who was that?” Ji-soo asked, as Hyungsik watched the boy walk away, disappearing around a corner.</p><p>“The ninth grader that helped me when that boy attacked me,” Hyungsik mumbled, still lost in thought. </p><p>Ji-soo frowned, “now that I see him, he should’ve beaten that kid up!” he said, darkly.</p><p>Hyungsik scowled at Ji-soo, “I’m glad he didn’t do that. That’s dumb, Ji-ah.” he said, as he closed his locker.</p><p>“He’s what? Fifteen, sixteen? And he’s tall - he should’ve made him regret doing that to you!” Ji-soo cried, “instead he - what? You said he threw wet paper at him? That’s just pathetic, if I were in that grade and saw a kid getting picked on like that, he’d have no teeth left in his mouth!”</p><p>“Ji-soo,” Hyungsik growled, keeping his voice low, “first of all: will you stop shouting? I really don’t want the whole school knowing about this. Secondly: he did the right thing - he was smart. If he’d beaten that kid up then it’d be our word against his and it would’ve turned into just another fight between boys. Also: maybe he’s just not <em>like </em>that.”</p><p>“Like what?!” Ji-soo snapped back.</p><p>“You figure it out,” Hyungsik hissed before walking away from him.</p><p>Ji-soo ran after him, “like what?! Yah! Like what?! If you’ve got something to say, just say it”</p><p>Hyungsik wheeled around to face him, “hot headed, act-first, think-later, Hulk-smash”</p><p>Ji-soo gaped at him for a moment before an angry scowl settled on his face. He looked away and folded his arms across his chest defensively, eyes darting around the floor.</p><p>There was a brief moment of quiet between them, both seemingly unable to speak next.</p><p>“So what is <em>he </em>then?” Ji-soo said finally, voice a little calmer, “Captain America?”</p><p>Hyungsik broke into a smile and their eyes met before both exhaling with a small laugh, the tension between them dissipating.</p><p>“Hulk-smash” Ji-soo said quietly, shaking his head slowly, a half smile on his face, “is that really what you think of me, Hyung?” he laughed.</p><p>Hyungsik winced and raised his hand, pinching his thumb and index finger together, “just a little bit,” he said, with a smile in his eyes.</p><p>“Aish,” Ji-soo huffed, before setting off on a walk back towards their classroom, Hyungsik falling into step with him. </p><p>As they reached the door, Hyungsik turned to him and said, “congratulations on making captain, Ji-ah.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Ji-soo smiled and they entered the class room.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>A week later, Seojoon was reading a magazine when he came across an article detailing secrets hidden in <em>Knights of the Old Republic. </em></p><p>He read it with great interest, taking a mental note of the two that he actually hadn’t found yet and feeling excited about the lore implications.</p><p>Then, he remembered the boy.</p><p>He pictured his sad face. </p><p>Seojoon carefully removed the pages from the magazine and folded them into his pocket.</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>The next day, as Hyungsik opened his locker, a small bundle of paper fell out of it and on to the floor.</p><p>He felt momentarily panicked, fearing it was a trick of some sort and looked around wildly, but no-one was watching him. </p><p>He crouched down, frowning and collected the paper.</p><p>Unfolding the pages, a small smile spread across his face as he realised what it was. </p><p>“Steve Rogers,” he whispered to himself.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Seojoon watched as his brother shovelled huge scoops of ice-cream into his mouth.</p><p>“Yah, slow down!” he cried, shaking his head and laughing at Taehyung’s grinning face, ice-cream on his cheeks.</p><p>“What do you want to do after you’ve finished assaulting your digestive system with <em>that </em>?” he nodded at the ice-cream sundae, “you know, you don’t <em>have </em>to spend the day with me?”</p><p>“I <em>want </em>to,” Taehyung replied, looking at him with a scowl.</p><p>Seojoon raised his hands, “okay, fine. I’m just saying you don’t <em>have </em>to. Eomma and Appa offered to take you with them shopping, and I’m just really shocked you didn’t want to go with them.”</p><p>Taehyung shrugged, “it’s not like they’ll buy me anything,” he explained, sounding quite stroppy.</p><p>Seojoon laughed, “shameless, Tae-Tae.”</p><p>Taehyung smiled and dropped his spoon in his bowl, “‘kay, I think I’m done.”</p><p>“What now?” Seojoon asked him.</p><p>“Movies?” Taehyung suggested.</p><p>The two of them traipsed across the small, high street and rain began to fall as a strong wind blew leaves down the street, gathering in piles along the side of the road.</p><p>They reached the cinema and looked at the movies showing that day.</p><p>“Slim pickings, Tae,” Seojoon grumbled, “I think the only one here you could see, is <em>Shark Tale </em>?”</p><p>“That looks <em>shit </em>,” Taehyung retorted.</p><p>“Yah!” Seojoon scowled at him.</p><p>“<em> Saw </em>?” Taehyung suggested, a lopsided smile forming on his lips as he looked up at his brother.</p><p>“Okay, we need a change of plan,” Seojoon replied, eyes-wide, “what else do you wanna do?”</p><p>“Yah, <em>Byeong-shin </em>!” a familiar voice said from behind him.</p><p>He turned to find Bon-Hwa and his three cronies staring at him.</p><p>“I don’t think they’re showing any chick-flicks right now,” Bon-Hwa said with a grin, “you’ll have to come back next month,” he turned to laugh with his friends.</p><p>Seojoon rolled his eyes, before starting to walk away.</p><p>Bon-Hwa leaned forward, his hands on his thighs, “and who’s this?” he said, staring at Taehyung.</p><p>“I’m his brother,” Taehyung returned, eyes-narrowing with obvious dislike.</p><p>“And how old are you, little man?” Bon-Hwa asked, more than a little patronisingly.</p><p>Taehyung frowned at Seojoon, who returned a look that said “<em> I know </em>”, before turning to look at Bon-Hwa, “I’m nine,” he said, flatly.</p><p>“Nine?!” Bon-Hwa exclaimed, in mock-interest, “so old enough to know what a loser your brother is right, little man?”</p><p>Seojoon just stared at Bon-Hwa, disbelief on his face.</p><p>Taehyung’s mouth opened a little at this, his eyes widened, before an obvious flare of anger hit him and he pursed his lips, “do you know what cro-magnon is?”</p><p>Seojoon burst into laughter at this.</p><p>Bon-Hwa, mouth agape, looked from Taehyung to Seojoon and then back again, before smiling weakly and shrugging as though he doesn’t care.</p><p>“Look it up when you get home, then look in a mirror,” Taehyung advised him, before walking away, Seojoon falling into step beside him.</p><p>When the brothers were out of earshot of Bon-Hwa and his friends, Seojoon turned to Taehyung and said, “nice work, Tae-Tae.”</p><p>Taehyung offered him a broad grin before clutching his big brother's hand.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Hyungsik watched as Ji-soo passed the soccer ball to his team mate and shouted aggressively at him, pointing and waving his arms, emphatically. The players all chased the ball to the right hand side of the pitch and before Hyungsik could follow what was happening, everyone was cheering and Ji-soo was celebrating a goal with his team mates.</p><p>Hyungsik was trying to pay attention to the soccer game, but his mind kept wandering elsewhere, his eyes glazing over as he got lost in his own thoughts.</p><p>The truth was: sports bored him, but he wanted to be here for Ji-soo and cheer him on.</p><p>As the players rushed off of the pitch, Ji-soo jogged to where Hyungsik was sitting and collected a water bottle from the empty seat next to him.</p><p>“Well done!” Hyungsik said, cheerily.</p><p>“Thanks,” Ji-soo breathed between glugs of water, sweating profusely. “Are you coming for pizza?” he asks as he catches his breath, hands on his knees.</p><p>“Pizza?” Hyungsik repeats.</p><p>Ji-soo gestures at one of the boys gathered to the left of the pitch, “Yong-sun’s mother is having everyone back at theirs for pizza,” he explains.</p><p>“Ah okay - as long as it’s cool that I come?” Hyungsik asks.</p><p>Ji-soo frowns and nods, “yeah, ‘course. You were invited too.”</p><p>Hyungsik doubted this very much. Yong-sun had always seemed very hostile to him, scowling at him whenever he spoke, never laughing at his jokes and sometimes even whispering to friends, clearly saying things about him.</p><p>Ji-soo never seemed to notice this and when Hyungsik mentioned it to him, he just scoffed as though it was ridiculous, so Hyungsik decided to not bring it up again.</p><p>As the crowd filed out of the playing field, the boys on the soccer team began walking towards Yong-sun’s house, which was just over ten minutes away from the school.</p><p>Hyungsik had been there once before and had marvelled at how big it was and the fact that he had all three games consoles.</p><p>It seemed to Hyungsik though, that Yong-sun didn’t appreciate it much and he had the feeling that he was more than a little spoiled.</p><p>Ji-soo walked beside Hyungsik, laughing with his team-mates about various in-jokes that Hyungsik couldn’t really follow, but he tried to be part of the conversation and offered stupid jokes at their expense whenever he could, which they all enjoyed.</p><p>When they arrived at Yong-sun’s house, his mother gave him the key to the front door and kissed him goodbye, before waving to the boys and climbing into the red car on the large wide driveway, “behave yourselves!” she called out of the window, as she pulled away.</p><p>The boys began filing into the door and as Hyungsik made to enter, Yong-sun pressed his palm to his chest.</p><p>“Who invited you?” he said with a small snarl.</p><p>Ji-soo turned around, “he’s with me Yong-ah.”</p><p>Yong-sun regarded Hyungsik for a moment, expression unreadable, before lowering his hand and nodding for him to enter.</p><p>Inside the house, the boys settled in the cavernous living room, sprawling out on the large sofa and lounging on the floor.</p><p>Yong-sun turned on the television and switched on his Xbox, firing up one of the many FIFA games. </p><p>He passed the controller to a boy to his left and then pulled out his mobile phone from his pocket, “how many pizzas?” he shouted.</p><p>His team-mates all called different numbers at him and he waved his free hand contemptuously at them, scowling.</p><p>Hyungsik leaned over to Ji-soo who was sitting on the floor beside him, “do you know how long you were planning to stay here?” he asked.</p><p>Ji-soo shrugged, “why, do you need to be somewhere?”</p><p>“No - I should probably let Su-A know where I am though,” Hyungsik explained.</p><p>“So call her,” Ji-soo shrugged again, somewhat dismissively.</p><p>Hyungsik nodded, eyeing Ji-soo, before standing up and heading out into the hallway of the large house.</p><p>As he pulled out his phone from his pocket, he noticed another boy sitting on the stairs looking glum. </p><p>He finally recognised him as one of the soccer team, a quiet boy, who Hyungsik hadn’t really interacted with much before. He struggled to recall his name.</p><p>“Hi!” Hyungsik said, “sorry, we’ve met before but I can’t remember your name.”</p><p>The boy looked up and smiled weakly, “Ki,” he said quietly.</p><p>“Good game, Ki!” Hyungsik replied, smiling broadly at him.</p><p>Ki laughed bitterly at this, “not for me it wasn’t,” he grumbled quietly.</p><p>“Oh really?” Hyungsik pressed, regarding the small boy’s sad demeanour.</p><p>“I was terrible today,” he muttered, “that was my hospital pass.”</p><p>Hyungsik laughed a little, “sorry, I don’t know what that means.”</p><p>Ki looked up at him and regarded him for a moment, before explaining, “I made a weak pass and caused two players to collide. That was when we got a foul, because Yong-sun kicked the boy on the other team.”</p><p>“Ah,” Hyungsik nodded, “that’s hardly your fault though, right?”</p><p>“Tell that to Yong-sun,” the boy mumbled quietly, before standing up and heading into the living room.</p><p>Hyungsik watched him walk away thoughtfully, before returning his attention to his phone and calling his foster mother.</p><p>When he returned to the living room, the boys were all immersed in the game being played on the television and Hyungsik noticed Ki sitting alone in one of the armchairs.</p><p>He sat back down on the floor, beside Ji-soo who was shouting at one of the boys with a controller.</p><p>Thirty minutes later, their pizzas arrived and Yong-sun began barking orders at them all to clear the low table in the living room, and even instructing them each as to which pizza they should eat.</p><p>The boys all began to tuck into the pizzas, snatching slices from the open boxes on the long, low table.</p><p>As Ki reached for a slice, Yong-sun extended his arm and closed the box lid on his hand.</p><p>“The pizza’s for winners,” he snarled.</p><p>The boys all laughed, apart from Hyungsik who frowned at him.</p><p>Ki pushed the lid up and sighed, reaching into the box for a slice, in spite of what Yong-sun had said.</p><p>Yong-sun snatched the box away from him and passed it to one of the other boys, “I’m serious. The pizza’s for winners only. Are you a winner, Ki?”</p><p>The boys all laughed and began snatching boxes away as Ki reached for them, Ji-soo pulling the box closest to him away and hiding it under the table.</p><p>Hyungsik glared at Ji-soo before prizing the box from his hands and offering Ki a slice from the box.</p><p>“What do you think you’re fucking doing?” Yong-sun growled, “this is my fucking house and I said: pizza’s for winners.”</p><p>Hyungsik stared at him, “you’re pathetic,” he hissed, cheeks growing red.</p><p>“C’mon, Hyung-ah! It’s just a joke!” Ji-soo groaned.</p><p>Yong-sun locked his eyes on Hyungsik, “get the fuck out of my house,” he warned.</p><p>Hyungsik looked to Ki, who just sighed and sat back in the armchair, avoiding his eyes.</p><p>Grabbing his coat from the floor, Hyungsik stood and headed for the door, Ji-soo running after him.</p><p>“Want me to come with you?” Ji-soo asked.</p><p>“Stay,” Hyungsik replied curtly, “he’s an asshole.”</p><p>“He was just kidding, Hyung-ah!” Ji-soo protested.</p><p>Hyungsik opened the door, “yeah well, have fun Ji-ah. See you later.”</p><p>“‘Kay,” Ji-soo said meekly, “I’ll meet you at yours tomorrow morning, yeah?”</p><p>“Sure,” Hyungsik replied before slamming the door behind him.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>As Seojoon and Taehyung made their way home, the heavens opened and rain fell heavily, drenching them in minutes.</p><p>They walked beside one another, hands in pockets, feet squelching in their shoes, Taehyung’s hood up over his head and stuck to his hair.</p><p>Struggling to keep the rain out of his eyes, as it dripped from his hair, Seojoon didn’t notice as he collided with someone.</p><p>Wiping his eyes, he quickly realised it was the boy from school.</p><p>“Sorry,” the boy muttered, seemingly not recognising Seojoon.</p><p>“Yah, you okay?” Seojoon asked him, noticing a tense expression on his face, “it’s me, from school?”</p><p>The boy looked at him then, his eyes widening slightly.</p><p>He blinked as rain fell in his eyes.</p><p>“You okay?” Seojoon asked again.</p><p>The boy nodded, before noticing Taehyung.</p><p>“Oh, this is my brother,” Seojoon explained.</p><p>Taehyung held up a hand as a silent greeting, using his other hand to wipe his face and adjust his hood, “Hyung, I’m going on, I’m getting soaked!” he said, before turning to walk away.</p><p>“Yah, wait!” Seojoon called after him, before looking back at the boy.</p><p>“You sure you’re okay?” he asked, “I mean, you don’t look okay. Did something happen again?”</p><p>The boy looked up at the sky, closing his eyes, rain falling on his face.</p><p>“Life just keeps happening,” he said in a quiet voice, “I try my best but it’s… relentless.”</p><p>Seojoon stared at him, mouth agape, concern in his eyes.</p><p>He turned to look for his brother, noticing him some way away now, “yah, Taehyung, wait!”</p><p>When he turned back to look at the boy, he was gone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Same Energy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Can I help you, Eomma ?” Hyungsik asks Seojoon’s mother as she stirs a large pot on the stove.</p><p>“Wow! You’re <em>such </em>a kiss-ass!” Taehyung gasps from the other side of the kitchen.</p><p>“And you’re such a <em>lazy </em>-ass” Hyungsik retorts, slapping Taehyung on the head, causing him to drop his phone on the floor. </p><p>Taehyung gasps with outrage, leaning down to retrieve his phone, inspecting it for damage.</p><p>“He <em>is </em>lazy! You wouldn’t believe it.” Seojoon’s mother complains as she removes the spoon from the pot and replaces the lid. </p><p>She turns to Taehyung and slaps him on the head again, “I asked you to wash those dishes” she gestures with irritation, shoving her son towards the sink as he winces and cries out in protest.</p><p>She turns to Hyungsik and places a hand on one of his cheeks. “We’re fine here thank you. You go and relax,” She smiles warmly at him, patting his cheek, before returning to her chopping.</p><p>As he leaves the kitchen Hyungsik glances back at Taehyung and throws finger-guns, winking at him. </p><p>Taehyung scowls momentarily before realising what a masterclass in manipulation it all was. </p><p>He nods in appreciation, smirking crookedly back at him.</p><p>The group had gotten up early that morning to go skiing but as the day wore on the snow fall became heavier and the wind so bitter, that Seojoon’s parents had decided it would be nice to cook for everyone and to gather in one of the cabins for the afternoon.</p><p>Seojoon’s father, uncle, aunt and grandmother are all seated on the sofa and armchairs, and Taehyung, Hyuk, Joo-young, Su-A and Seojoon’s mother have stools from the kitchen island and bought in from the other cabins.</p><p>Hyungsik joins Seojoon on the floor next to the fire, both sitting on pillows from the bedroom and leaning against the glass window.</p><p>“Christ-mas-crack-er” Seojoon’s uncle almost sings, miming the pull of a cracker, as Seojoon’s father, aunt, cousin, Su-A and Joo-young pat their legs, clap and then alternate thumbs up to the beat of the words.</p><p>“Aaaa...saaa…” everyone playing, cries.</p><p>“Act-ion-her-o” Seojoon’s uncle says next.</p><p>“Aaaa...saaa…” everyone playing, cries.</p><p>“Act-ion-her-o” Seojoon’s father repeats, patting his leg and then panicking as he realises he’s not doing his mime, much to everyone’s amusement.</p><p>Everyone laughs and sits back in their chairs, the round over.</p><p>Hyungsik rests his hand on Seojoon’s legs, finding his hand and intertwining their fingers, “I might go and get cleaned up, change my clothes,” he says quietly to him, “looks like food’ll be awhile.”</p><p>Seojoon narrows his eyes, creases at the corners, “want help with that?” he replies in a low-voice, biting his lip.</p><p>Hyungsik suppresses a smile and they both stand up.</p><p>“We’re just gonna go and get changed and stuff, Eomma !” Seojoon calls, stretching his legs.</p><p>His mother frowns at him, “how long are you going to be? I’m making food Seojie!”</p><p>“Not long. How long will food be?” he asks.</p><p>“Twenty minutes or so,” she replies, furrowing her brow.</p><p>Seojoon nods, “we’ll be back for food, Eomma<em>!” </em>he cries, before heading out the door with Hyungsik in tow.</p><p>Taehyung walks over to the sofa and sits on the arm next to his uncle, “they think they’re so subtle,” he shakes his head.</p><p>“Oh, leave them alone!” Joo-young exclaims, reaching forward to slap his arm, “they’re all loved-up.”</p><p>“I can’t believe they’re both proposing to one another tomorrow. It’s so adorkable.” Taehyung sighs.</p><p>“What would be <em>really </em>funny would be to convince them to do it at the same time and for us to somehow <em>witness </em>it,” Seojoon’s father laughs.</p><p>Su-A chuckles, “well, we know Hyungsik is planning to ask him later in the evening, on a walk by the lake.”</p><p>“Under the stars, if it’s a clear night,” Joo-young adds.</p><p>Seojoon’s aunt, Hae-won, leans forward in her chair, “we could buy fireworks and ask the resort if we can set them off on the other side of the lake - if we explain what it’s for?”</p><p>“Yes!” Taehyung points at her, “I’ll do it - if you follow them and call me when they get there.” he turns to Joo-young who holds her thumbs up to him.</p><p>“We’ll have to tell them both that we’re going to set off fireworks, so they wait for the signal and do it at the same time,” Su-A reminds everyone, “I can tell Hyungsik.”</p><p>“I’ll mention it to Seojoon” his father offers, “of course, we’ll probably have to give someone at the resort a little something, for them to turn a blind eye.”</p><p>Seojoon’s mother calls from the kitchen, “you leave that bit to me! It's only a few fireworks.”</p><p>“We can head into town and buy some first thing in the morning, can’t we son?” Seojoon’s uncle asks Hyuk, who nods in agreement.</p><p>“Someone needs to film it too!” Taehyung adds, guffawing and clearly enjoying the mischief.</p><p>Joo-young tuts, “how are we gonna do that without them noticing us?!”</p><p>“I have a really good camera,” Hyuk adds meekly, blushing at the sudden attention from everyone in the room, “I can try to film it.”</p><p>Seojoon’s father claps, “that’s settled then! Let the plot begin tomorrow!”</p><p>With a start, Seojoon’s grandmother wakes from her sleep.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>It’s later that day that Taehyung convinces Joo-young, Hyungsik and Seojoon to come to a party with him at his friend’s cabin.</p><p>It’s snowing heavily now and Seojoon’s parents, aunt, uncle, grandmother and cousin were planning to watch a film and turn in for an early night.</p><p>Su-A assures them she would be happy reading her book in her cabin, by the fire.</p><p>“Remind me again why I agreed to this?” Seojoon scowls as they walk down the gravel path away from their cabins.</p><p>“Because if you don’t, I’ll publish that video of you so all your fans will see what a massive dork you are,” Taehyung threatens.</p><p>“I’m sure all seven of them will be heartbroken to learn that shocking secret,” Seojoon retorts, “why are you so desperate for us to come anyway?”</p><p>“He needs for it to be a party,” Joo-young grins knowingly at Taehyung, who widens his eyes at her.</p><p>Hyungsik narrows his eyes suspiciously, “what are we missing here?”</p><p>“Look, I just wanted to get us all out together and give you boys something to do other than look adoringly at one another, then fuck, then repeat!” Taehyung exclaims.</p><p>“Alright!” Seojoon warns, waving his hands, “who’s cabin are we going to?”</p><p>“My friends, Jimin and Yoongi’s,” Taehyung replies.</p><p>“The guys that came with Ji-soo?” Seojoon frowns.</p><p>“Don’t worry” Taehyung sighs, before adding with a shrug, “he’s in town for the night with a friend, apparently.”</p><p>Seojoon nods and glances at Hyungsik, who mouths ‘possessive weirdo’ at him, before grinning.</p><p>“Will there be any cute boys there?” Joo-young asks, running a finger along her fringe, “present company excluded, of course.”</p><p>“I’m not sure who’ll be there, maybe a bunch of cops? Since Ji-soo and Yoongi’s brother are?” Taehyung screws his face up, thinking.</p><p>Joo-young sighs, “so that’s a no then.”</p><p>Seojoon snorts at this and Hyungsik shakes his head with a smile.</p><p>“Oh! I think that guy from Jimin’s house in Seoul will be there - the one you said you liked at that barbeque last summer?” Taehyung offers, excitedly.</p><p>Joo-young frowns, “what did he look like? I don’t remember.”</p><p>“Tall, perpetually grinning?” Taehyung offers.</p><p>“Perpetually grinning,” Joo-young repeats, rubbing her chin, “Hoseok?”</p><p>Taehyung waves his index finger at her, “that’s the one.”</p><p>“Interesting…” she adds.</p><p>“Promising?” Hyungsik asks her.</p><p>She shrugs, “we’ll see, I guess!”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>They know they’ve arrived at the cabin, when they hear loud music drift down the pathway.</p><p>Taehyung runs on ahead, knocking on the door and having a quick animated discussion with Jimin, before Jimin turns to them all beaming.</p><p>“Welcome!” he calls over the music, opening the door to them, “help yourselves to drinks and food!”</p><p>The cabin is almost four times the size of theirs, with a games area, including a pool table and darts, a wide seating area with two large sectional sofas facing each other, and at the rear of the cabin, wide patio doors lead out to a large hot tub.</p><p>There are around fifteen people in the large open-planned room, each with a drink in their hand, some playing games, others talking on the sofas, some outside by the hot tub, the rest in the kitchen eating.</p><p>As soon as they enter, a young woman in her twenties rushes up to Taehyung and shouts over the music, “is this last-minute job to your liking?” she asks, her arms outstretched.</p><p>Joo-young laughs, “good job, Chin-ah! You pulled it off!”</p><p>Seojoon tilts his head at his brother and cries, “we’re definitely missing something!”</p><p>Taehyung rolls his eyes, but his face betrays a small measure of embarrassment.</p><p>“Drinks?” Jimin asks, a broad smile on his face.</p><p>“Please!” Joo-young cries, “beer with a soju bomb for me!”</p><p>Jimin points his index finger at Taehyung.</p><p>“Same,” he shouts.</p><p>Jimin turns to Hyungsik.</p><p>“Why not!” he shrugs, raising his voice to be heard over the music.</p><p>They all turn to Seojoon, who glances at Hyungsik, an amused expression on his face.</p><p>“Sure!” he smiles.</p><p>“I can’t believe I actually dragged you to a party!” Taehyung shouts at him with a big satisfied grin on his face, as Jimin heads to the kitchen to pour their drinks.</p><p>The four of them drift towards the kitchen, Joo-young looking around the room at all the faces.</p><p>She suddenly gasps, “I see him!”</p><p>“Who?” Jimin asks, returning with their drinks.</p><p>“That cute guy you live with!” she smiles.</p><p>Jimin laughs at this, “which one?”</p><p>She discreetly points her finger towards the dart board, where a tall man is standing leaning against the wall, watching two people play pool.</p><p>Seojoon and Hyungsik slowly turn their heads in his direction.</p><p>Joo-young slaps both of her hands at them, “oh my god!” she cries, looking horrified, “could you both be more obvious?! Aish! This is a really bad case of worlds colliding!”</p><p>“Do you want me to introduce you?” Jimin asks her.</p><p>“We’ve actually met before but he might not remember,” she calls, “so, yeah - okay! Thanks!”</p><p>Jimin and Joo-young head off to the other side of the room, as Taehyung, who appears to notice someone, runs up the stairs of the cabin.</p><p>Hyungsik turns to Seojoon and raises his glass, before taking a big swig.</p><p>“Am I going to have to carry you home?” Seojoon calls, with a smile on his face.</p><p>“I might have to carry <em>you </em>home!” Hyungsik counters, “you’re <em>much </em>worse than me!”</p><p>Seojoon scoffs incredulously, “do I have to remind you of the time you drank that whiskey and tripped over Nuni?!”</p><p>Hyungsik pouts sheepishly before countering, pointing at him with his index finger, “your birthday!” </p><p>“I was celebrating,” he grumbles loudly.</p><p>“You. Sang. Dolly. Parton.” Hyungsik jabs his chest with his index finger with each word, eyes wide with glee.</p><p>Seojoon shakes his head before narrowing his eyes at Hyungsik, “you know, I might have to re-evaluate this whole thing we have going here, if you keep repeating that.”</p><p>Hyungsik laughs and reaches for the bottom of Seojoon’s glass, raising it to his mouth, “C’mon then!”</p><p>Seojoon takes a big swig from his drink, eyes on Hyungsik.</p><p>“Happy now?” he asks, “shall we go outside? It’s really loud in here!”</p><p>“Sure thing, old man,” Hyungsik chuckles, before leading the way to the patio area outside.</p><p>Outside, they find three people huddled next to the steaming hot tub and one lonely figure seated on the outdoor sectional, who they quickly recognise as Yoongi - one of the men they met in the car park when they arrived. </p><p>He recognises them too and raises his glass of red wine to them, so they head to the seating area.</p><p>“Is this the designated quiet zone?” Hyungsik asks as he sits down beside him.</p><p>“This is the <em>Appa-zone </em>- wherever I am it’s the Appa-zone- at least that’s what they all tell me,” Yoongi says in a deep-voice, surprising Seojoon.</p><p>Seojoon sits on the armchair opposite them and sips his drink, “looks like you have this all figured out though,” Seojoon laughs, gesturing to his glass.</p><p>“I don’t drink that shit,” Yoongi laughs, screwing his face up at Seojoon’s glass, “want some?”</p><p>Seojoon and Hyungsik raise their eyebrows at one another.</p><p>“Oh, go on then!” Hyungsik accepts, “thanks- Yoongi, was it?”</p><p>“Min Yoongi,” he says, reaching out with his hand, as Hyungsik grasps it in his hands and nods.</p><p>“Park Hyungsik,” he returns.</p><p>Seojoon leans forward and does the same, “Park Seojoon.”</p><p>“You’re Taehyung’s brother, right?” Yoongi asks him, as he pours two glasses of wine for them.</p><p>“Sadly, yes,” Seojoon groans.</p><p>Yoongi laughs at this and hands them their glasses.</p><p>Hyungsik inhales deeply and takes a sip of his wine, “this is more like it!”</p><p>“Are you from Seoul too?” Seojoon asks Yoongi, sipping at his own wine.</p><p>Yoongi shakes his head, “I live there now but I grew up in Daegu. I live with Jimin and his hyperactive house-mates,” he points inside the cabin, to Jimin who meets his gaze and smiles.</p><p>Hyungsik watches them and smiles, “how did you meet?”</p><p>“At a show,” Yoongi replies, “I’m a would-be rapper,” he nods his head and purses his lips, almost as though he’s embarrassed to admit it.</p><p>“Oh wow!” Hyungsik exclaims, “I’m a musician too!”</p><p>“Yeah?” Yoongi turns to him, “what do you do?”</p><p>“Guitar, piano, sing,” Hyungsik lists with a small shrug.</p><p>Seojoon leans forward, “he writes too. He’s really talented.”</p><p>Hyungsik looks bashful and tries to turn the subject away from himself again, “so, you met at a show?”</p><p>Yoongi laughs, “yeah, Jimin’s a singer too - he was there to play a set with a friend - we just got talking.”</p><p>“About music?” Hyungsik asks.</p><p>Yoongi reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a packet of cigarettes, “do you mind?” he asks them both.</p><p>They shake their heads, Seojoon gesturing at the pack as if to say “go ahead”.</p><p>“Jimin asked me why I was sitting alone and I told him I like being alone,” Yoongi explains, a small smile on his lips, “strangely enough, I haven’t been alone much since,” he gazes at Jimin.</p><p>Hyungsik looks at Seojoon with a smile, “really? How interesting.”</p><p>Yoongi looks from Hyungsik to Seojoon, before lighting his cigarette.</p><p>“Do I detect the same energy here?” he says with an eyebrow raised, resting his gaze on Seojoon.</p><p>“I can relate to what you just said,” Seojoon nods, smirking a little.</p><p>Yoongi smiles and nods his head before turning his gaze back to Jimin, who is talking animatedly with a tall young woman with pink hair, “in theory, Jimin and I are total opposites, but I think that’s why it works, y’know?”</p><p>“We do know,” Hyungsik smiles at Seojoon.</p><p>It’s at that moment that Jimin meets Yoongi’s gaze again, but this time, instead of smiling, his eyes widen and a scowl settles on his face, before he marches outside of the cabin.</p><p>He strides over to where Yoongi is sitting with purpose, and reaches for the cigarette in his hand.</p><p>“Min Yoongi!” Jimin exclaims, stubbing the cigarette out on the patio.</p><p>Yoongi’s demeanour changes completely and he squirms in the chair, flopping his head in the direction of Jimin.</p><p>Jimin holds out his palm and hooks his fingers twice, “where are they?”</p><p>Yoongi huffs and reaches into his pocket, placing the pack of cigarettes in Jimin’s hand, with a sulky expression on his face.</p><p>“When did you get these?!” Jimin asks, looking very incredulous.</p><p>“Ji-soo bought them. He didn’t know I’d quit,” Yoongi pouts.</p><p>“So, you just thought, <em>oh well, I may as well smoke them </em>?!” Jimin cries.</p><p>Yoongi shrugs.</p><p>Jimin turns to Hyungsik and then to Seojoon, who have both been watching with amusement, “sorry, but he’s his own worst enemy. He acts like this complete adult but he actually requires a lot of supervision!”</p><p>Yoongi smiles at this from his slouched position on the chair.</p><p>Hyungsik laughs, “he was just telling us that you guys are total opposites - like us,” he gestures between himself and Seojoon.</p><p>“Oh really?” Jimin laughs, “which one of you needs to be kept in check? Who needs to be reminded to eat and go outside one-in-a-while?”</p><p>Hyungsik guffaws at this and Seojoon shakes his head slowly, with a smile.</p><p>“That’s so hilarious - you just described Seojoon exactly! That’s him - when he’s writing, especially!” Hyungsik cries.</p><p>“Yoongi too!” Jimin cries back to him, “maybe we should set up a support group!”</p><p>They both laugh and Seojoon and Yoongi exchange glances.</p><p>Yoongi sits up in his chair and leans forward, “what do you write?” he asks Seojoon as he raises his glass to his lips.</p><p>“I used to write crime novels,” Seojoon explains, “but I had a bit of recent success with… more of a comedy”</p><p>“Romantic comedy,” Hyungsik smirks.</p><p>Jimin looks from Hyungsik to Seojoon, “ahhh” he coos.</p><p>“When did you meet?” Jimin asks, sipping at his beer.</p><p>“Two years ago, almost to the day,” Hyungsik nods, “we were both on a bus to Pyeongchang and it broke down. We ended up getting stranded together.”</p><p>“No!?” Jimin gasps, “and then you exchanged numbers?”</p><p>“We were actually stranded for days,” Seojoon explains, “we stayed in someone’s holiday cabin”</p><p>“We had no phone signal and there was a really bad storm,” Hyungsik elaborates.</p><p>Jimin’s mouth opens and he sits back in his chair, “I think that’s the best first-meeting story I’ve ever heard.”</p><p>Yoongi nods and adds, “‘course, it sets the bar high for the rest of the relationship.”</p><p>They all laugh at this.</p><p>“It hasn’t disappointed so far,” Hyungsik smiles, gazing at Seojoon who smiles back at him warmly.</p><p>“Well, aren’t you just adorable?” Jimin proclaims.</p><p>Hyungsik turns to him and Yoongi, “so are you two - I really enjoyed the cigarette drama,” he nods, smiling.</p><p>Jimin laughs and jabs Yoongi in the ribs, as though he had recalled his annoyance at him.</p><p> </p><p>The four men talk for several hours, Yoongi and Seojoon having an ambling conversation which covers various topics from ancient Korean history to the Hwaseong Serial Murders, and Jimin and Hyungsik talking excitedly about music, arranging to meet and play together.</p><p>Joo-young checks in with them occasionally, only to return to the man she had been talking to by the dart board, who looks like he’s enjoying her company a great deal.</p><p>Seojoon looks for his brother but hasn’t seen him since they arrived.</p><p> </p><p>As 11.30pm rolls around, Seojoon reminds Hyungsik that they have an early start tomorrow and should probably get going.</p><p>They say their goodbyes to Jimin and Yoongi, exchanging numbers and arranging to meet in the New Year and Hyungsik checks in with her sister, who murmurs something about staying for a while longer and to go on without her.</p><p>“Can I use your bathroom?” Hyungsik asks Jimin, as they head for the door.</p><p>“Of course!” Jimin exclaims, “up the stairs, turn left and then it’s the door straight ahead of you.”</p><p>“Thanks!” Hyungsik beams.</p><p>Seojoon watches him climb the stairs and sees him pause as he passes the first door on his right, on the balcony. </p><p>He looks down at Seojoon and gestures wordlessly at him to come upstairs.</p><p>Seojoon turns to Jimin and Yoongi and frowns, before shrugging and striding up the stairs.</p><p>As he approaches the top of the stairs, Hyungsik raises his index finger to his lips.</p><p>“What?” Seojoon mouths.</p><p>Hyungsik points at the door, which is slightly ajar.</p><p>Seojoon peers into the room. </p><p>With horror, he realises that he’s looking at his brother. In bed. Topless, possibly naked. Kissing someone, amorously.</p><p>He covers his eyes and wheels around, silently, before waving his hands at Hyungsik, a pained expression on his face.</p><p>Hyungsik laughs, soundlessly and mouths, “who’s he with?”</p><p>Seojoon covers his eyes again and shakes his head, before gesturing to Hyungsik to go on to the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>They finally head out of the cabin, moments later, waving to Jimin and Yoongi who watch them from the doorway.</p><p>“Oh my god!” Hyungsik cries, as they reach the gravel path.</p><p>“Why did you need to show me that!” Seojoon complains, still looking pained.</p><p>Hyungsik breaks into a fit of laughter, “I’m sorry, Seo-ah, but I couldn’t bear the burden of seeing that alone!”</p><p>Seojoon shakes his head and looks at him with a small measure of outrage. </p><p>“Could you see who he was with?” Hyungsik asks, almost with a whisper, as though someone might hear the scandalous gossip.</p><p>“I didn’t really look to be honest, Hyung-cha!” Seojoon cries, creases at his eyes, “imagine if that was Joo-young!”</p><p>“With Taehyung?!” Hyungsik exclaims.</p><p>“No! Ugh, no!” Seojoon almost spits, “Imagine if you saw Joo-young in bed with some random person!”</p><p>“I don’t have to imagine it, Seo-ah. We lived together and she was hardly subtle.” Hyungsik reminds him.</p><p>Seojoon shudders, “I need a shower. And some counselling.”</p><p>Hyungsik laughs and wraps his hands around Seojoon’s arm, resting his head on his shoulder.</p><p>After a short comfortable silence, Seojoon buttons his coat closed with a shiver and returns his hands to his pockets, Hyungsik still clinging to his arm.</p><p>“It’s freezing,” Seojoon observes, as a bitter wind brushes past them.</p><p>“I think I’m still warm from the wine,” Hyungsik murmurs, happily.</p><p>“I really liked talking to Jimin and Yoongi,” Seojoon says, nodding to himself.</p><p>“Me too - they’re both really cool,” Hyungsik smiles.</p><p>Seojoon sighs contentedly, “I didn’t expect to enjoy myself tonight.”</p><p>“No?” Hyungsik asks, raising his head to look at him.</p><p>Seojoon nods, “when we first walked in that place, I just felt instantly very old.”</p><p>Hyungsik smiles and returns his head to Seojoon’s shoulder, “I know what you mean.”</p><p>They reach a junction in the path, another pathway leading upwards, sign-posted ‘mountain vista’.</p><p>They look at one another and there’s an unspoken agreement to change their course.</p><p>The two men climb the steep path, which cuts through lines of cabins, tall trees either side. </p><p>The path narrows as they get higher and begins to wind, turning to the left of the mountain.</p><p>When they reach the top of the path, they come to a small clearing overlooking the town below.</p><p>Snow covers the gravel and there’s a small bench, close to the edge.</p><p>They sit down on the bench, looking at the twinkling lights of the town below, the dark shapes of the mountains around them, barely visible in the dark, snow falling gently.</p><p>“Wow - it’s incredible up here,” Hyungsik says softly.</p><p>Seojoon turns to look at him before wrapping his arms around Hyungsik and sighing, burying his face in his neck and nuzzling his hair.</p><p>Hyungsik smiles and closes his eyes, “god, I love you,” he says with a whisper.</p><p>“<em> So </em>much,” Seojoon agrees, without hesitation.</p><p>Hyungsik pulls away from him, before tilting his head and leaning in for a kiss.</p><p>Seojoon moves his hands to Hyungsik’s head, cradling his jaw, gently.</p><p>“Shit,” a voice says, from behind them.</p><p>They both turn to find Ji-soo standing at the top of the pathway.</p><p>Seojoon sighs and rubs his face with his hand, Hyungsik turning around on the bench to face Ji-soo.</p><p>“Hey, Ji-ah,” Hyungsik says, brightly.</p><p>“Sorry,” Ji-soo winces, “I should go -”</p><p>“No!” Hyungsik cries, “we should get going anyway, we have an early start tomorrow.”</p><p>Seojoon and Hyungsik stand and make their way back to the top of the path.</p><p>Hyungsik looks past Ji-soo, “you on your own?” he asks with surprise.</p><p>“My date didn’t go too well,” Ji-soo laughs, “didn’t fancy going back to my cabin. They’re having some kind of party.”</p><p>“We just came from there,” Seojoon nods, looking a little tense.</p><p>Ji-soo regards him, eyes scanning down to his feet, “did you?”</p><p>Hyungsik reaches for Seojoon’s hand and interlocks their fingers, before smiling at Ji-soo, “Jimin invited Taehyung who insisted on dragging us and my sister along.”</p><p>Ji-soo nods, eyes not leaving Seojoon.</p><p>Hyungsik exhales, “we should get going,” he says again.</p><p>Ji-soo steps to the side of the path, “okay, goodnight,” he gestures with his arms down the pathway before heading to the bench, swaying slightly as though he might be a little drunk.</p><p>“Goodnight, Ji-ah!” Hyungsik calls over his shoulder, as they head back down the path.</p><p>After a few minutes pass, and they’re out of earshot, Seojoon mumbles, “he really doesn’t like me.”</p><p>“Do you like him?” Hyungsik counters, before sighing, “you don’t even know one another.”</p><p>“He looks at me like he wants to punch me,” Seojoon grumbles.</p><p>Hyungsik raises his right hand to Seojoon’s neck, stroking him with his thumb as they walk, “he doesn’t want to punch you, Seo-ah.”</p><p>“He must still have feelings for you,” Seojoon concludes, eyebrows raised and knitted on his brow.</p><p>Hyungsik stops walking and turns to him, he reaches for both of his hands.</p><p>“Stop,” he says softly, “he doesn’t have feelings for me and even if he did, what does it matter? I love <em>you </em>, you possessive <em>weirdo </em>!”</p><p>Seojoon laughs at this, before knitting his eyebrows high again, looking pleadingly at Hyungsik as though he may lose him at any moment.</p><p>“You <em>know </em>what our relationship was like, Seo. And I hope you know how I feel about you!” he smiles, “what do you think is going to happen?”</p><p>Seojoon considers him for a moment, clearly searching for an answer.</p><p>He sighs looking at his feet, “I guess I’m just… he’s known you for a long time,” at this he glances up at Hyungsik, sadly.</p><p>Hyungsik steps closer to him, “my love,” he says with a whisper, “<em>no-one </em>knows me like you do.”</p><p>Seojoon looks as though his heart may have melted and he closes the gap between them. He cradles Hyungsik’s head in both of his hands and whispers, “my light.”</p><p>They kiss as snow falls lightly and the moon breaks through the clouds.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Sixteen Years Ago - April 4th 2005</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been ten months since his parents’ accident and Hyungsik felt the knot inside him softening. </p><p>It was still very much there, creeping into his throat when he least expected it but it happened less frequently and it weighed less in his stomach.</p><p>His foster mother had truly created a home for Hyungsik and his sister. </p><p>She had encouraged them to decorate their rooms, each choosing a colour for the paint and for Christmas, she had even bought them each an expensive present of their choosing - his sister selecting a dollhouse and Hyungsik, a small acoustic guitar.</p><p>He still dreamed of his parents, but increasingly, in the dreams they were happy, discussing books and music, reading Hyungsik and his sister stories and playing with them in the garden or on the beach. </p><p>He tried not to think about the accident that tore them away from him.</p><p> </p><p>School had been hard but Hyungsik finally felt like he was finding his place. Ji-soo had a wider circle of friends than him, as captain of the soccer team he was now incredibly popular, but Hyungsik was well liked amongst many of them, known more now for his cheeky smile and stupid jokes than being the quiet, sad boy in class.</p><p>Hyungsik studied hard, played video games and wrote music - he tried his best to live his life, as his parents would have wanted him to.</p><p>He missed them though. <em>God, he missed them </em>.</p><p> </p><p>It was a rainy April morning, when the paper fell out of his locker, falling onto the wet floor of the school corridor. </p><p>Hyungsik crouched down quickly, retrieving it from a damp-patch and wiping it carefully with his sleeve. </p><p>He had received several articles and clippings from the boy he was now calling Steve Rogers<em> , </em>but this was his first from a newspaper.</p><p>“Wha’s that?” Ji-soo asked as he sidled up to him.</p><p>Hyungsik glanced up to him before returning his eyes to the paper, “a new arcade is opening in town in June. It sounds really cool, it’s going to have vintage games in there!”</p><p>“Wow, I can’t believe something cool’s opening in this shitty town!” Ji-soo laughed.</p><p>“Yeah! We should go!” Hyungsik smiled.</p><p>“Definitely,” Ji-soo grinned, wrapping his arm around Hyungsik’s neck and holding him in a headlock.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Seojoon watched as the clouds rolled by in the sky above him.</p><p>He watched them curl, swirl, climb over one another, gather and then drift apart, as though dancing a sad, slow and desperate dance.</p><p>It was a windy day but the sky was blue, the sun shining brightly when it broke from the clouds.</p><p>Seojoon had been lying in the grass for some time.</p><p>First, he had read his book, finishing the final chapters and then, placing it down beside him, he had rolled onto his back and closed his eyes, thoughts turning over about the ending and whether or not he liked it.</p><p>He had always been deeply affected by books.</p><p>He couldn’t read something without it bleeding into his life and his thoughts. </p><p>He would think about the characters between chapters, trapped in whatever moment of time he had left them in, worrying about them as though they were his friends, or grieving for them as they suffered losses, feeling elated as they met success and celebrated victories.</p><p>It had been this way for as long as he could remember.</p><p>He didn’t need anything really, like he needed books.</p><p>His family, of course he needed them, but he always felt that he could be destitute, so long as he had a constant supply of books in his life.</p><p>This thought had always offered him comfort, especially in those rare moments that he would suddenly feel desperately lonely.</p><p>Because the truth was: he did get lonely sometimes.</p><p>He denied it when his family asked him about it, and he even denied it to himself, but there were times when he felt an ache or a pang, like he was missing out on something huge.</p><p>When this happened, he would feel suddenly like the ground had fallen away from underneath him and he was falling, with nothing to stop him from disappearing into an abyss of loneliness, doomed to a life of absolute darkness.</p><p>When this happened, he despaired and he cried.</p><p>Today was feeling like it could be one of those days.</p><p>He tried to keep his thoughts away from his loneliness, but as he gazed at the sky, it seemed to him that the clouds were dancing for him, desperately trying to remind him that this sad, desperate dance was what life was <em>supposed </em>to be about.</p><p>The push, the pull, the intimacy, the loss, constantly drifting forward...</p><p>He closed his eyes so he couldn’t see the clouds anymore.</p><p>
  <em>Life just keeps happening… I try my best but it’s… relentless</em>
</p><p>He thought of the boy.</p><p>What was worse?</p><p>A relentless, cloudy sky, overwhelming and growing into a storm.</p><p>Or a clear, empty, cloudless sky - a vast horizon of nothingness.</p><p>He suddenly felt overwhelmed with self-hatred and sat up from the grass, feeling dizzy and light-headed.</p><p>Trying to ground himself, he glanced around at the people around him in the park.</p><p>He could see a young girl and her mother laughing, as they read a book together, the girl stopping her mother from turning the pages too quickly as she pointed and gasped at the pictures.</p><p>Two elderly men, sitting side-by-side on a bench nearby, were feeding the ducks, chuckling as the ducks excitedly waddled closer before running after the crumbs that were thrown.</p><p>He watched as a couple, sitting on a blanket, holding each other close, talked quietly to one another, before kissing softly and smiling sweetly at one other.</p><p>He felt tears in his eyes and looked down at his hands.</p><p>He decided to walk.</p><p>He didn’t know where he was going to walk to, but he knew he had to try to get himself out of the mood he had fallen into.</p><p>He stood up and gathered his book and coat, pushing them into his bag and striding off into the direction of the high-street.</p><p>After ten minutes of walking, he found himself standing outside of the town’s small cinema.</p><p>He had no interest in seeing a movie really, but he decided that this was infinitely better than curling up into a ball in his room and crying.</p><p>He paid for a ticket to see <em>Sin City </em>and walked inside to the lobby, finding it virtually empty, as it tended to be on a Sunday afternoon.</p><p>As he was debating whether or not to buy popcorn, he noticed a boy staring at him from across the lobby, and was deeply aggrieved to realise that it was Bon-Hwa.</p><p>He appeared to be alone for once, and smirked when he met Seojoon’s gaze, before ambling over to him.</p><p>“Yah,” he said, looking a little more subdued than usual, “you alone?”</p><p>“So are you,” Seojoon said, a little defensively.</p><p>“I know,” Bon-Hwa replied, “I was asking you.”</p><p>“Right. Yeah.” Seojoon confirmed, nodding his head.</p><p>“What’re you here to see?” Bon-Hwa asked, shoving popcorn in his mouth,</p><p>“<em>Sin City </em>,” Seojoon told him.</p><p>Bon-Hwa smiled at that, “yah, me too.”</p><p><em>Fucking great </em>, Seojoon thought.</p><p>“You getting food?” Bon-Hwa enquired.</p><p>Seojoon rubbed his neck, looking at the snack-bar, “Er… yeah, I guess,” he shrugged.</p><p>He was aggravated when Bon-Hwa followed him to the snack bar and then followed him to one of the seats close to him, inside the theatre.</p><p><em>What the fuck is this?!  </em>Seojoon thought as Bon-Hwa chewed on his popcorn, throwing him glances occasionally.</p><p>About twenty minutes into the movie, Seojoon felt the call of nature so he dashed to the bathroom opposite the theatre screen.</p><p>Upon leaving the bathroom, in the dimly lit corridor of the theatre, Seojoon found himself face-to-face with Bon-Hwa.</p><p>Surprised to see him there for a second, he froze, before trying to move out of his way, assuming he was also headed for the bathroom.</p><p>As Seojoon moved, Bon-Hwa stretched his arm out to block Seojoon’s path.</p><p>Seojoon rolled his eyes.</p><p>“What, Bon-Hwa?” he groaned.</p><p>Bon-Hwa looked behind them then, checking that they were alone, and Seojoon felt a knot in his stomach as he prepared for some sort of physical attack.</p><p>But it didn’t come.</p><p>At least, not the kind Seojoon was expecting.</p><p>Bon-Hwa leaned close to him slowly, and Seojoon, confused about what was happening, leaned away until he was practically pressed against the wall.</p><p>“What?” Bon-Hwa said to him, inches from his face, eyes darting to Seojoon’s lips.</p><p>“What?!” Seojoon asked in a hushed, confused and panicked voice.</p><p>Bon-Hwa leaned even closer and Seojoon turned his head, before ducking down under his arm and away from him.</p><p>At this, Bon-Hwa tried to grab Seojoon’s coat by the collar, but Seojoon managed to knock his hands away, before shoving him hard in the chest.</p><p>There was a moment when they scowled at one another, breathing heavily, before Seojoon turned away and marched out of the cinema, before setting into a run. </p><p>He didn’t stop running until he got home.</p><p>Bon-Hwa left him alone at school after that.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>June 9th 2005</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>As the anniversary of his parent’s death drew closer, Hyungsik began to feel desperately lonely.</p><p>He wasn’t alone. He had his sister, his kind foster mother, Ji-soo, his friends at school and even teachers who he had talked to on occasion, about his parents.</p><p>The problem was: he felt disconnected. He was feeling the veil between his world and theirs, lowering around him again and the knot inside him was growing harder by the day.</p><p>Each day was a reminder that they used to be here, with him and his sister. </p><p>As he crossed days off on his calendar, he pictured them on this day, a year ago. </p><p> </p><p>Planning their family holiday, his mother threatening to drag them all to a spoon museum.</p><p>Driving them all to the cinema to see that summer’s blockbuster.</p><p>Filling up the plastic pool in the garden and laughing as the side collapsed, sending his father skidding across the grass.</p><p>Grilling meat on the barbeque and then the family fleeing into the safety of the house as several wasps take a shine to their fruit punch.</p><p>Making pizzas - the kitchen a mess of flour and tomato sauce - his parents kissing between laughs.</p><p> </p><p>He had tried. For so long and with everything he had, he had tried. He wanted to live and be happy - for them. </p><p>But it was too painful. And he felt so alone.</p><p> </p><p>It was three days before the anniversary and Hyungsik was walking to school with Ji-soo.</p><p>Ji-soo was talking animatedly about soccer and Hyungsik was hardly listening.</p><p>“Yah, Hyung-ah!” Ji-soo said suddenly, jolting Hyungsik out of his own thoughts.</p><p>“Sorry,” Hyungsik mumbled, “I was just thinking.”</p><p>Ji-soo frowned at him, looking very displeased that he wasn’t enjoying his soccer-chat, “what were you thinking about?” he asked.</p><p>The truth was: Hyungsik wasn’t thinking about anything in particular. He was simply feeling sorry for himself.</p><p>He didn’t say this though.</p><p>“I was wondering: that new arcade opens today - do you want to go after school?” he asked, turning to Ji-soo.</p><p>“Soccer practice,” Ji-soo replied with an apologetic look on his face, “we have a match on Sunday so I definitely can’t miss it. Sorry, hyung.”</p><p>Hyungsik looked at his feet as they walked, “‘S okay,” he said, feeling resigned.</p><p>“Maybe we could go next week?” Ji-soo suggested.</p><p>“Maybe,” Hyungsik replied, glumly.</p><p> </p><p>The classroom was hot and the day felt long, as Hyungsik struggled to keep his eyes open. </p><p>There was only one week remaining of school and as such, the teachers delivered classes which were a little more relaxed and free-form and as a result, Hyungsik felt his mind wandering too much, thoughts returning to his parents.</p><p>When the final bell rang, he said goodbye to Ji-soo and their friends, as they headed for soccer practice, chanting and scuffling as they ran down the corridor towards the gym.</p><p>Hyungsik sighed and began the slow walk home.</p><p>It had been a clear day, but as he walked he noticed that clouds were gathering in the blue sky.</p><p>He was about to turn down the road which led to his house, when he hesitated.</p><p> </p><p><em>I could go to the arcade by myself </em>, he thought.</p><p>He pulled out his phone and called his foster mother.</p><p> </p><p>It started raining as Hyungsik entered the arcade.</p><p>The first thing he noticed was the smell; a potent mix of new carpet, popcorn and hot electrical equipment.</p><p>It was dark, the only light filling the room were the pink, yellow, blue and purple neon from game cabinets and the colourful signs plastered all over the walls and ceiling. </p><p>The room was filled with game cabinets, many vintage; popular games from the eighties and nineties, but there were some modern dance and sports games, racing games and even a claw machine.</p><p>It was quieter than he expected, he observed only five or six kids, but the room was loud from the sound of the games.</p><p>They were all playing their music, as though they were all crying out to him to play them.</p><p>He ran his fingers over the closest cabinet, <em>Bubble Bobble, </em>the blue and yellow lights reflecting in his eyes. </p><p>The glass across the front was cold, the plastic buttons smooth - it looked like it could have been brand new.</p><p>He watched as the bubble dragons raced across the screen, jumping to avoid the enemies, and the game’s title flashed on the screen, urging him to put money in the machine.</p><p>He tapped his left pocket and began to retrieve the coins from his trousers, counting them out on his palm.</p><p>“Need a player two?” he heard a voice say behind him.</p><p>He turned to find the boy - Steve Rogers - smiling at him, his hands in his pockets and his hair wet and stuck to his forehead.</p><p>Hyungsik gaped at him. </p><p>“That game is better with two players,” the boy tried again, taking his right hand out of his pocket and gesturing at the cabinet, before running his hand through his wet hair, pushing it up off of his forehead, “I wondered if you’d be here.”</p><p>Hyungsik felt his face grow hot. He had no idea why, but he felt like he wanted to run away. </p><p>He couldn’t understand it. The boy had been nothing but kind to him, but whenever Hyungsik tried to talk to him, he froze.</p><p>The boy stepped forward and placed a coin in the slot, stepping close to Hyungsik and selecting the two player option on the screen.</p><p>“Want to give it a try?” he asked, looking at him wide-eyed, blue and yellow lights on his face.</p><p>Rain dripped from his hair onto the cabinet and Hyungsik watched as it ran down to meet his fingers resting on the buttons.</p><p>Hyungsik turned to the screen and nodded, swallowing. </p><p>The boy smiled and started the game.</p><p>Hyungsik willed his fingers to work, punching the buttons and moving the joystick, slowly getting used to the controls and the timing for the jumps and turns.</p><p>“How are you?” the boy asked him, as Hyungsik lost his first life, “you seemed to be having a bad day when I saw you last.”</p><p>Hyungsik kept his eyes on the screen, but he could feel the boys eyes on him.</p><p>“Yeah… sorry about that,” he managed, frowning at the game.</p><p>The boy didn’t say anything then, focusing on the game.</p><p>Hyungsik started feeling guilty - and rude - for his short reply, so he added, “that <em>was </em>a shitty day,” turning to look at him.</p><p>The boy met his gaze, sympathy in his eyes.</p><p>“Seems like you have a lot of those,” the boy observed, as he lost another life, eyes turned away from the screen, fixed on Hyungsik.</p><p>Hyungsik felt his face grow hot under his gaze and he looked away, but willed himself to act normally.</p><p><em>What’s wrong with me?! </em>He thought.</p><p>He took a deep breath before replying, turning back to face him, “I won’t lie, my life has been a real crap-show lately.”</p><p>With sadness in his eyes, the boy nodded at him.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said, finally, in a quiet voice..</p><p>Hyungsik turned to look back at the screen to find the words GAME OVER plastered across it.</p><p>“Another go?” the boy asked, offering a small smile, but eyes still betraying concern.</p><p>“Definitely,” Hyungsik replied, before looking at him again and mustering as convincing a smile as he could, “that was just a practice run.”</p><p>They started a new game, and it wasn’t long before the tension in Hyungsik’s body dissipated and he became completely immersed in the desire to avoid the enemies, catch the rewards and reach the next level.</p><p> </p><p>The boy laughed and cheered beside him.</p><p> </p><p>He offered words of encouragement and warned him when he was about to run blindly into an enemy.</p><p> </p><p>Slowly, Hyungsik felt himself relaxing. </p><p> </p><p>He started to smile when the boy whooped and their bubble dragons reached the next level. </p><p>He found himself actually laughing when the boy’s dragon got caught against a wall, trapped between it and an enemy, losing one of his precious lives - the boy shoved him slightly for that.</p><p>Finally, the game was over, after both of their bubble dragons lost their last lives - they had reached a very respectfully high level.</p><p> </p><p>Next, they decided to take turns with <em>Pacman </em>.</p><p>Hyungsik watched the boy play the game and laugh at his own failures, crying out with frustration each time he lost a life until finally, the GAME OVER screen appeared.</p><p>Then it was Hyungsik’s turn and he made it much further, the boy offering words of encouragement and tapping on the screen to warn him of ghosts, as he plotted his routes.</p><p> </p><p>Then they took turns playing <em>Dragon Quest </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Then <em>Asteroids.</em></p><p> </p><p>Then <em>Time Crisis </em></p><p> </p><p>...and the list went on. </p><p> </p><p>They encouraged one another and took turns fetching food and more coins as they needed them.</p><p> </p><p>Neither of them seemed to notice that they had been playing for hours.</p><p> </p><p>It was the boy who noticed the time.</p><p>“Aish!” he exclaimed, looking at his phone, “my Aunt is going to be here any minute, sorry!”</p><p>Hyungsik looked at his phone and was horrified to see that it was 9.45pm. </p><p>His foster mother was going to be so mad at him.</p><p>They grabbed their bags and ran to the door, only to find a torrential downpour ahead of them.</p><p>The boy pulled his jacket up over his head and ventured outside, leaning around the doorway.</p><p>“My Aunt’s parked opposite,” he turned to say, getting drenched, “how are you getting home?” he asked.</p><p>Hyungsik laughed, “I was going to walk”</p><p>The boy scoffed, “you can’t walk in this! Come on, my Aunt won’t mind giving you a ride home. Where do you live?”</p><p>They ran across the road to the boy’s Aunt’s car, getting soaked through within minutes.</p><p>As they sat down in the back of the car, the boy apologised, “I’m so sorry, I lost track of time and didn’t see your calls”</p><p>“No problem,” his aunt replied smiling, meeting Hyungsik’s eyes in the rear-view mirror. </p><p>A smaller boy, around nine or ten, turned to look at him, in the passenger’s seat, and Hyungsik recognised him to be the boy’s brother.</p><p>“This is a friend from school” the boy said, “do you mind dropping him at his house, since the weather is so horrible?”</p><p>“Of course not!” she said kindly, smiling at Hyungsik, “where are we going, Mr. friend-from-school?”</p><p>Hyungsik gave her his address and settled back into the seat as the car set off. </p><p>He turned to the windows, which were steamed up and the rain sat sparkling in the street lights, the warm glow making him shiver a little, in contrast to his cold, wet clothes.</p><p>He glanced back at the boy who was also looking at the window beside him, absentmindedly tracing a pattern in the steam with his fingers.</p><p>The boy’s Aunt turned on the radio, the second verse of Outkast’s <em>Hey Ya! </em>creeping out of the  car’s tiny speakers.</p><p>Hyungsik’s eyes fell on the boy’s hand which was on the seat between them. He had long slender fingers with neat fingernails.</p><p>He raised his gaze and stole a brief glance at the boy’s face, before looking back at his window. </p><p> </p><p>When they arrived at his house, the boy said a casual goodbye, “I might see you around again,” he said, “but next week’s my last week at that school.”</p><p>This made Hyungsik feel sadder than it should have done.</p><p>“Good luck with high school,” Hyungsik managed to say, feeling nervous again.</p><p>“Good luck with the rest of middle school.” the boy replied with a nod and a smile, “I hope things get better for you.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Hyungsik smiled. </p><p> </p><p>He wanted to say: <em>this was fun. </em></p><p> </p><p>He wanted to tell him that he’d like it if they could be friends.</p><p> </p><p>Instead, he simply said goodbye and climbed out of the car.</p><p> </p><p>The boy’s Aunt stepped out in the rain, “let me walk you to your door,” she said, “your parent’s must be worried sick about you.”</p><p>Hyungsik felt the knot back again. </p><p>“My parents died a year ago” he said sadly, glad of the rain as he felt a tear roll down his cheeks.</p><p>The boy’s aunt stared at him for a few moments before wrapping her arm around him and ushering him to his door.</p><p>She rang his doorbell and his foster mother appeared at the door within seconds, almost as though she had been hovering in the doorway.</p><p>“Oh, Hyungsik!” she gasped, pulling him in out of the rain and wrapping her arms around him.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Yangbumo!” he cried, “I lost track of time at the arcade!”</p><p>“I’m his friend’s aunt” the woman behind him explained, “I gave him a ride because of the late hour… and the weather, obviously!”</p><p>“Thank you so much,” his foster mother said, “why don’t you go on inside, Hyungsik and get yourself in some warm, dry pyjamas” she suggested to him.</p><p>As he walked to his bedroom, he could hear the two women talking in low voices but couldn’t make out what they were saying.</p><p>His bedroom was dark, and outside of his window, he could see the boy sitting in the car, gazing out of the window through a small break in the steam, clearly of his own making. </p><p>The boy noticed him and held up his hand in a small wave, with a smile.</p><p>Hyungsik raised his hand in return, and in the darkness felt his cheeks grow hot and for some inexplicable reason: he felt his heart flutter.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. The Proposals</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the sun rises over the ski-resort, Taehyung creeps quietly into the cabin, removing his shoes at the door.</p><p>He’s about to climb the stairs, when he releases his brother is staring at him from the kitchen.</p><p>“Shit!” Taehyung hisses, “what are you doing standing there in the dark?!”</p><p>“Getting a drink of water,” Seojoon croaks, “have you just got in?”</p><p>The light from the stairs comes on and Hyungsik appears, squinting, hair stuck up at all angles. </p><p>His eyes settle on Taehyung and a smile spreads across his face, “well, hello Taehyung!”</p><p>“I fell asleep at a friend’s,” Taehyung mutters, looking uncharacteristically flustered.</p><p>“I bet you did,” Hyungsik grins.</p><p>Taehyung frowns at him, “what’s that supposed to mean?!”</p><p>Seojoon buries his head in his hands, “we saw you, Tae. The door was fucking open.”</p><p>Taehyung gapes at him, horror all over his face, cheeks flushing red, “what?! Where?! What are you <em>talking </em>about?”</p><p>“You know, I’m really seeing the family resemblance now,” Hyungsik chuckles, sitting down on the stairs and pointing at Taehyung.</p><p>“At Jimin’s cabin,” Seojoon continues, turning away from his brother and pouring himself another glass of water, “you were with someone. In bed, I mean,” he takes a huge gulp of water.</p><p>“No matter what you might say about us, Tae, at least we have the decency to lock the door!” Hyungsik laughs.</p><p>Taehyung raises his forearm to his forehead and leans against the wall, groaning.</p><p>Hyungsik narrows his eyes, “who <em>was </em>that anyway?”</p><p>“I’m gonna be sick,” Taehyung groans, rolling against the wall.</p><p>“How do you think I feel?!” Seojoon cries, “why didn’t you close the door?!”</p><p>Taehyung turns to his brother and slumps down on the kitchen island, looking at him imploringly, “please don’t tell Eomma and Appa about this!”</p><p>“Why would I do <em>that </em>?!” Seojoon counters, “I’m not like you! I don’t think talking about other people’s sex lives is exactly dinner conversation!”</p><p>At this, both of them look away from one another looking deeply uncomfortable.</p><p>“It’s fine, Tae,” Hyungsik assures him, “we promise we won’t tell a soul. We didn’t even mention it to Jimin and Yoongi, although there’s a chance they saw after we left.”</p><p>Taehyung blanches at this.</p><p>“Are you okay though?” Hyungsik asks, suddenly looking a little concerned, “I mean, if you wanted to talk…”</p><p>“I’m fine,” Taehyung says, earnestly, “I just really need to go and bury myself right now.”</p><p>He climbs the stairs and heads to his bedroom, closing the door behind him softly.</p><p>Seojoon looks at Hyungsik and raises his eyebrows.</p><p>“What time is it?” Hyungsik asks him.</p><p>Seojoon glances at the clock on the oven, “seven twenty.”</p><p>Hyungsik rubs his face and runs his fingers through his hair, “I feel wide awake now. I was looking forward to a lie-in this morning.”</p><p>Seojoon walks over to him and takes his hand, climbing the stairs and helping him up.</p><p>“We may as well make the best of it,” he smiles in a low voice.</p><p>They close and lock the bedroom door.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Joo-young and Taehyung finally appear late in the afternoon, by which time, the group have already been skiing and Seojoon’s uncle and cousin have even driven into town to pick up some provisions.</p><p>They both look a little worse for wear and blanche at the sight of food.</p><p>Su-A laughs as she tries to get Joo-young to eat some rice, in the large dining hall, “you need to eat something to settle your stomach, Joo-young!”</p><p>Hyungsik grins at his sister, who returns a look of disgust.</p><p>Taehyung, who has found himself sitting next to his brother, is slumped low in his chair, avoiding eye-contact with everyone.</p><p>After several sighs from Taehyung, Seojoon finishes chewing the food in his mouth and stands up grabbing his brother’s forearm, pulling him up out of his chair and marching him over to one of the hall's many pillars, out of earshot of the table.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Taehyung sighs, looking exhausted and exasperated. </p><p>“Are you okay?” Seojoon asks.</p><p>“I told you this morning, I’m fine!” Taehyung gasps.</p><p>Seojoon frowns at him, “baby brother, no matter what you say to me, I know something is bothering you and since I already <em>know </em>probably a lot more than you want me to, why don’t you just talk to me? I’m worried about you.”</p><p>Taehyung’s scowl softens and he slumps his back against the pillar.</p><p>Seojoon raises his eyebrows at his brother imploringly.</p><p>“It’s just…” Taehyung looks at his fingernails, “god, I can’t do this!”</p><p>“What?” Seojoon asks.</p><p>“Talk to you about this!” Taehyung’s eyes flit to Seojoon’s face and then back to his fingernails.</p><p>Seojoon sighs, “okay, first of all: who are they? The person you were with last night, I mean.”</p><p>Taehyung glances back at him and then pushes himself off of the pillar and stands straight, “his name is Jungkook,” he looks at his feet.</p><p>“Okay, when did you meet him?” Seojoon asks, nodding his head and folding his arms over his chest.</p><p>“Over a year ago,” Taehyung explains, visibly relaxing a little, “he lives with Jimin and Yoongi.”</p><p>Seojoon narrows his eyes a little, “so, he’s your boyfriend?” he asks.</p><p>Taehyung lets out a big sigh at this.</p><p>“Right, that’s the problem,” Seojoon nods, unfolding his arms and shifting his weight, “<em>Is </em>that the problem?”</p><p>“I don’t know what we are,” Taehyung admits looking miserable, “we both had a lot to drink last night, and well…”</p><p>Seojoon nods, realisation dawning on him, “you wanted them to throw that party so you could see him?”</p><p>Taehyung grimaces and nods, “I guess ‘needy’ runs in our family,” he shrugs.</p><p>They both let out a small laugh at this.</p><p>“Did you talk to him this morning?” Seojoon asks.</p><p>“I left while he was asleep and I haven’t heard from him since,” Taehyung winces, “God, I think I’m gonna puke!”</p><p>“Oh, Tae,” Seojoon replies, returning a wince, “why would you leave like that?” he asks, not unkindly.</p><p>“I don’t know!” Taehyung cries, “because I’m an idiot! I just… freaked out!”</p><p>Seojoon was suddenly reminded of a moment in his own life, on this day, two years ago.</p><p>He pulls his brother close to him and hugs him, squeezing his shoulder and for once Taehyung doesn’t resist.</p><p>“I’ve fucked it up haven’t I?” he asks glumly, onto his brother’s shoulder.</p><p>“This is completely salvageable, Tae,” Seojoon smiles, “but you need to go and talk to him.”</p><p>Taehyung pulls away and looks at his brother, inhaling deeply.</p><p>“Okay,” he nods, “wish me luck.”</p><p>“Good luck, baby brother,” Seojoon smiles, reaching out to touch his cheek.</p><p>Taehyung offers a half-smile, before turning and leaving the dining hall.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“Fireworks?” Hyungsik repeats.</p><p>Su-A nods, as the rest of the table looks enthusiastically at Hyungsik.</p><p>“How did you get permission to do <em>that </em>?” Hyungsik asks, eyes wide with surprise.</p><p>“I simply explained to them the situation, telling them how you met and how romantic it all is. They even secured a permit for us to do it,” Seojoon’s mother explains, looking positively proud of herself, “Taehyung will wait by the fireworks - a member of the resort staff has to light them for safety reasons - but he’ll wait for a call from Joo-young, who will wait for you to head for the lake.”</p><p>Joo-young nods and holds both of her thumbs up to her brother.</p><p>“I can’t believe you’ve all done this for me,” Hyungsik gasps, looking touched, “thank you so much!”</p><p>At that moment, Seojoon returns to the table and everyone tries to look like they haven’t been caught in the middle of a conspiracy.</p><p>Seojoon looks at Hyungsik and then to his mother, who is still leaning forward in her chair.</p><p>“Everything okay?” he frowns.</p><p>“Is your brother okay, Seojie?” his mother says quickly, changing the subject, “he looked very ill. Where has he gone?”</p><p>Sufficiently distracted, Seojoon smiles at her, “he’ll be fine, Eomma . He’s just gone to meet someone.”</p><p>Hyungsik raises an eyebrow at this and turns to Seojoon, who side-eyes him, with a small smile on his lips.</p><p>“Son,” Seojoon’s father says, appearing at his side, hand resting on his shoulder, “can you help me with the drinks?”</p><p>Seojoon looks around and frowns, “what drinks, Appa ? The staff bring them over to us.”</p><p>Seojoon’s father looks at the ceiling as though he’s thinking for a moment.</p><p>“Halmeoni’s tea,” he adds, smiling, “they forgot to bring her tea.”</p><p>“You need help with a teapot?” Seojoon asks, looking deeply confused. </p><p>Finally, Seojoon’s father kicks his son’s shin, causing his other knee to jerk, jolting the table and making everyone’s drinks spill.</p><p>“Okay! I’m coming!” Seojoon cries before turning to Hyungsik with an expression that says: <em>what the fuck </em>?!</p><p>Hyungsik laughs at him watching them walk away.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“Fireworks?” Seojoon repeats.</p><p>“You wanted to find the perfect moment, well - we’ve created one for you,” Seojoon’s father explains, a wide smile creeping onto his face.</p><p>Seojoon laughs and pulls his father in for a hug, “thank you, Appa !”</p><p>“How are you feeling about it?” his father asks, as Seojoon pulls away.</p><p>“I’m not gonna lie, Appa , I’m terrified,” Seojoon admits.</p><p>Seojoon’s father smiles, “what’s the worst that could happen?”</p><p>“He could say no!” Seojoon looks horrified and laughs, “I mean, can a relationship come back from that?”</p><p>“And <em>why </em>would he say no?” Seojoon’s father retorts.</p><p>“If I think about why he might say no… I don’t want to think about that, Appa ,” Seojoon replies, looking suddenly anxious.</p><p>“Oh, son,” Seojoon’s father chuckles, reaching out to hold his upper arms, “if that boy says no, I’ll run naked through this dining hall.”</p><p>At this, Seojoon lets out a guffaw, eyebrows raised and eyes wide.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>The group spend the rest of the afternoon wandering around a large Christmas market, on the outskirts of the resort. </p><p>Su-A convinces Joo-young to eat something, and she makes the decision to buy a burger, which she promptly throws up in a nearby trash can, much to the disgust of the holiday makers around her.</p><p>Seojoon’s grandmother insists on buying everyone matching knitted Christmas hats, which amuses Hyungsik greatly, making him guffaw loudly every time Seojoon looks at him and the fluffy bobble wobbles on his head, which he doesn’t admit to doing deliberately to see his boyfriend laugh.</p><p>Hyungsik buys them all roasted chestnuts and they stand to listen to a group of children from a local school sing Christmas carols.</p><p>Seojoon and Hyungsik are more excited than they should be, when they find a reindeer costume for their dog, and have a minor dispute about what size to buy, with wildly differing opinions about how big he is. </p><p>Hyungsik wins the argument by using a soft-toy to mime Nuni’s movements, beside Seojoon’s leg, complete with barks, making Seojoon guffaw into submission.</p><p>When they return to their cabins, the sun is beginning to set behind the mountain and there isn’t a cloud in the sky.</p><p>They find Taehyung in his mother and father’s cabin, looking considerably happier and less pale.</p><p>Seojoon raises his eyebrows to his brother, questioningly, who simply presses his lips together in a small smile and nods.</p><p>There’s an unspoken sense of anticipation in the group then, as they all know what’s coming but try their best to pretend they don’t, Seojoon’s mother busying herself in the kitchen, pretending to tidy up the contents of the fridge and Seojoon’s father, aunt, uncle and cousin starting up a very dull recount of the events of the Christmas market, pulling Su-A and Joo-young in as much as possible.</p><p>Taehyung excuses himself, saying he’s going to watch TV in his room.</p><p>It’s Hyungsik who suggests to Seojoon that they take a walk to the lake, to which Seojoon widens his eyes, “I was going to ask you the same thing!” he laughs.</p><p>“We’ll see you all later then!” Hyungsik cries to the group, who are utterly failing to look natural and either overcompensating by outright ignoring them (Seojoon’s mother), or being really rather obvious (and suspicious) by waving excitedly at them (Joo-young).</p><p>Once outside, Seojoon says, “that was weird - your sister I mean.”</p><p>Hyungsik laughs a little too nervously and rubs the back of his neck, “She’s hungover. Who knows what’s going on with her.”</p><p>Seojoon exhales loudly, chewing on his lower lip as they walk down the gravel path.</p><p>“You okay?” Hyungsik asks, looking anxiously at him.</p><p>“I am,” Seojoon nods, closing his eyes for a second, steeling himself. He looks up at the sky, “wow, look at the stars tonight!”</p><p>Hyungsik also looks up, “it looks like you could reach up and touch them!”</p><p>“It’s beautiful,” Seojoon agrees, before looking at Hyungsik with a warm smile, creases at the corner of his eyes.</p><p>“This trip has been amazing, Seo,” Hyungsik tells him, “thank you for bringing us all here. I’ve always wanted to spend Christmas this way.”</p><p>“I know,” Seojoon nods, “it’s not over yet you know,” he reminds him with a smile.</p><p>“It’s just…” Hyungsik starts, “it means a lot to me. Us being here, with your family, my sister, Su-A.”</p><p>“I’m so glad she could come, Hyung-cha. She’s amazing,” Seojoon says, emphatically.</p><p>“She is,” Hyungsik nods, “she loves you, you know?”</p><p>“She does?” Seojoon asks.</p><p>“Very much so,” Hyungsik smiles, looking at the path ahead of them.</p><p>They walk a few paces in silence, neither of them looking at the other, hands in their pockets.</p><p>“I hope Taehyung’s okay,” Hyungsik says suddenly, eyebrows knitted.</p><p>Seojoon nods again, “he looked happier back at the cabin. I’ll try to catch him on his own later.”</p><p>Hyungsik looks ahead at the lake, which is now coming into view, barely visible in the darkness, “do you think he’s in love?”</p><p>“He certainly seemed upset,” Seojoon frowns, “I don’t know if… that was, y’know, his <em>first time </em>.”</p><p>Hyungsik looks at him with realisation, “oh wow.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Seojoon agrees.</p><p>“I feel bad making jokes now,” Hyungsik admits, his brow furrowed.</p><p>“He’s fine,” Seojoon laughs, breaking the tension a little, “who knows, maybe this will be a humbling experience for him.” He turns to smirk at Hyungsik, who laughs and shakes his head.</p><p>As they approach the lake, Seojoon exhales, his breath visible in the cold air.</p><p>“Hyung-cha? Have you ever thought about the future? For us, I mean?” he asks, tentatively.</p><p>“Of <em>course </em>I have,” Hyungsik replies, vehemently, “what kind of a question is that?”</p><p>Seojoon widens his eyes.</p><p>“I didn’t mean anything by it!” he clarifies, “I just wondered if you thought about what our future might look like?”</p><p>Hyungsik relaxes a little at that, “I think about it all the time, my love,” he admits softly, reaching out to his arm and pulling him close.</p><p>Seojoon smiles at him, his eyes sparkling in the light of the moon.</p><p>“You know, I never understood when people would sing in love songs about missing the one they loved, before they’d even met them,” Seojoon starts, his voice a little unsteady, “but then I met you.”</p><p>Hyungsik stops walking and turns to look at him.</p><p>“I feel like… my entire life… I was just waiting for you to come along,” Seojoon adds, eyes glassy.</p><p>Hyungsik reaches for his face and stops a tear before it can fall onto his cheek.</p><p>“I can’t even begin to explain to you how I feel about you, my love,” Hyungsik chokes, “but I’ll try."</p><p>He takes a deep breath, “you make me feel whole, as though without you, I’m somehow half a person. You never make me anxious, you never make me feel bad about myself, you encourage me to grow, you remind me of the best things about myself, even when I feel my worst, you <em>always </em>take care of me…”</p><p>They’re both crying now, gazing into one another’s teary eyes.</p><p>“You always know what to do to calm me, to get me out of my moods, to force me to take care of myself…” Seojoon laughs, sniffing and Hyungsik does the same.</p><p>“I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy as when I’m with you. I don’t think I’ve ever been more, <em>myself </em>, if that makes any sense?” Hyungsik adds.</p><p>“It does, I feel the same,” Seojoon nods, hot tears running down his cheeks. He reaches up and places his palms either side of Hyungsik’s head, his fingers gently caressing his hair, “You're my best friend.”</p><p>“Oh god-” Hyungsik starts, before the starry sky erupts with flashes of pink, yellow and blue, loud hisses and bangs thundering through the air.</p><p> </p><p>They both jump from the sound and gape at the explosion of fireworks before realising this is their cue.</p><p> </p><p>Seojoon reaches into his pocket and pulls out the ring box, cupping it discreetly in his hands, closing his eyes momentarily in an attempt to calm his nerves.</p><p>He doesn’t notice Hyungsik scrambling for his pockets, pulling out another ring box.</p><p>They both get down on one knee.</p><p>Hyungsik frowns at him, “what are you doing?!”</p><p>Seojoon widens his eyes in surprise, “well, I was trying to propose to you!”. </p><p>He tilts the open ring box forward so Hyungsik can see.</p><p>Hyungsik reaches forward with his hands, his own ring box open, and presses his lips together, suppressing a laugh.</p><p>“This is the worst thing we’ve ever done!” Seojoon gasps, eyes wide.</p><p>Hyungsik starts laughing hysterically, before pulling him close and kissing him, dropping his ring box in the snow and grabbing his head with his right hand, his left arm around his shoulders.</p><p>When he pulls away, Seojoon asks with raised eyebrows, “is that a yes?”</p><p>“You didn’t ask me anything!” Hyungsik laughs.</p><p>“Can we stand up? My legs are hurting,” Seojoon laughs back.</p><p>Hyungsik pulls on his wrists to stop him standing, “will you -?”</p><p>“- marry me?” Seojoon finishes.</p><p>They both laugh, tears rolling down their cheeks.</p><p>“Yes” they say, almost in unison.</p><p>They stand and kiss, sobbing onto one another’s lips, hands grasping at one another.</p><p>There’s an eruption of clapping and cheering behind them, and they turn to find almost the entire group behind them, eyes wide and faces beaming.</p><p>Hyungsik wipes his eyes and turns to retrieve his ring box from the snow, as Seojoon’s mother rushes up to her son to hug him.</p><p>“Congratulations, Seojie!” she cries, as Seojoon’s father claps a hand on his back, before reaching for Hyungsik and shaking his hand vigorously.</p><p>Su-A and Joo-young grasp Hyungsik’s arm and say their congratulations, “I <em>knew </em>you had nothing to worry about,” Su-A winks.</p><p>“Oh my god, you’re getting <em>married</em>!” Joo-young squeals.</p><p>Hyungsik reaches for Seojoon’s hand and they interlock their fingers as various members of the group launch themselves at them for hugs and celebratory words.</p><p>Finally, Seojoon’s father announces with a clap, “right, everyone! We’re meeting Taehyung back at the lodge and we’re getting champagne!”</p><p>“Wait…” Seojoon says, his eyes narrowing, eyeing his father suspiciously, “did you all orchestrate this?!”</p><p>Hyungsik gasps and covers his mouth, pointing his index finger at Su-A, before looking around at them all.</p><p>Seojoon nods his head at them all, appreciatively, “wow - I’ve got to hand it to you all. Good work!” he laughs.</p><p>Seojoon’s father takes a bow, “shall we then?” he asks.</p><p>“Seo-ah!” Hyungsik calls, as they start to walk back up the path.</p><p>Seojoon turns to look at him, and the rest of the group carry on walking.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Seojoon asks, looking very concerned.</p><p>Hyungsik laughs, “nothing’s wrong but…” he looks down at his ring box.</p><p>Seojoon widens his eyes, “we’re really shit at this,” he laughs.</p><p>“Let me see the ones you bought,” Hyungsik requests.</p><p>Seojoon hands him the box, exchanging it for the one in his hands.</p><p>“I prefer yours!” Hyungsik announces.</p><p>Seojoon pouts, “I prefer yours.”</p><p>“We could wear each other’s?” Hyungsik suggests.</p><p>“Then they won’t match,” Seojoon says, sounding a little disappointed.</p><p>“Who cares. We do,” Hyungsik says firmly, “I want to wear the one you chose.”</p><p>“Okay,” Seojoon smiles, looking positively smitten.</p><p>Hyungsik places his ring on Seojoon’s finger, planting a kiss on it and smiling.</p><p>Seojoon grapples with his ring box, before freeing Hyungsik’s ring, and sliding it onto his finger.</p><p>“We did it!” Hyungsik laughs, tears in his eyes again.</p><p>“Don’t start again!” Seojoon warns, pointing at him, “you’ll set me off!”</p><p>“I love you so much,” Hyungsik proclaims.</p><p>“I love you too, Hyung-cha” Seojoon replies softy, “more than anything in this world.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>When they reach the ski-lodge, Taehyung is waiting by the entrance.</p><p>“Well?!” he shouts.</p><p>Hyungsik and Seojoon raise their left hands.</p><p>Taehyung throws his arms around them, “congratulations!” he beams.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Inside the bar, Seojoon’s father orders three bottles of champagne and enough flutes for everyone.</p><p>Everyone chatters excitedly as they pull several tables together and seat themselves down, passing flutes around.</p><p>Seojoon’s father stands at the head of the table and raises his glass to them all, as their voices hush.</p><p>“I hope you’ll permit me to say a few words,” he says, with a nod and a smile in his eyes.</p><p>“Now, I’ve heard the story of how Seojoon came to meet Hyungsik, like <em>all </em>of us, many times.”</p><p>Everyone around the table laughs.</p><p>“They were stranded at that lay-by, Hyungsik having the <em>worst </em>luck in needing to relieve himself at that moment. The weather rapidly developing into a storm. Finding the cabin which became their shelter for days. No phone signal. No real food. No hot water. No entertainment.”</p><p>Seojoon’s father raises his index finger.</p><p>“And yet, when I hear their story, I just hear serendipity.”</p><p>“What if Seojoon had caught the bus another day, another time? What if Hyungsik had missed the bus that day, as he nearly did? What if they hadn’t been seated near each other, or Seojoon had simply asked the bus driver to wait?! What if the tire hadn’t burst? What if a car had driven past them?”</p><p>He raises his hands and hunches his shoulders, before looking around at them all.</p><p>“Some of you might not know but they grew up just a few miles apart and even attended the same school, not once crossing paths. But that day, they were thrown together: two similar souls with big hearts. Once they’d found one another, they didn’t want to part.”</p><p>Then he turns to Hyungsik and Seojoon and narrows his eyes.</p><p>“Because you see, I went to that cabin. They <em>could’ve </em>had power. They <em>could’ve </em>had hot water. They probably <em>could’ve </em>walked to the nearest town.</p><p>My son, mercifully, hasn’t told me about <em>everything </em>that happened while they were there, but I do know that they weren’t able to do any of those things because they were <em>simply too busy falling in love with one another </em>.</p><p>To me, that’s serendipity.”</p><p>He nods, eyes glassy, and raises his glass again.</p><p>“So, Hyungsik, I don’t need to ask you to take care of my son because I see that you do every day. I’m so glad you found one another. </p><p>Here’s to serendipity!”</p><p>Everyone around the table cries “serendipity!” before clapping and cheering.</p><p>Seojoon and Hyungsik laugh, wiping tears from their eyes.</p><p>Excited chatter starts up again and Joo-young orders more alcohol for the table, to which Su-A raises an eyebrow.</p><p>Seojoon’s eyes settle on his grandmother who appears to be lost in thought on the other side of the table.</p><p>“Are you okay, Halmeoni ?” he asks, with concern.</p><p>She looks at him with a start, as though he has just interrupted a deep train of thought.</p><p>“Seojoon?” she asks.</p><p>“Yes, Halmeoni ?” Seojoon responds.</p><p>“Is Hyungsik your boyfriend?” she asks.</p><p>The entire table falls to a hush, eyes darting from Seojoon to his grandmother.</p><p>Seojoon leans forward, reaching across the table to hold her hands in his.</p><p>“No, Halmeoni ,” he says softly, “Hyungsik is my fiancé.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Su-A reaches across the table and grabs Hyungsik and Seojoon’s hands.</p><p>“I’m <em>so </em>happy for you both,” she says, “Seojoon: Joo-young and I couldn’t have <em>wished </em>for someone better than you, to take care of our boy.”</p><p>“Agreed!” Joo-young nods, “love you, Seo-ah!”</p><p>“Thank you,” Seojoon replies, bashfully.</p><p>“Won’t they look handsome on their wedding day?” Seojoon’s aunt asks, as she seats herself in the chair next to Seojoon.</p><p>Su-A smiles at her, “absolutely!” she nods.</p><p>Hae-won turns to Seojoon, “I know you’ll make one another very happy.”</p><p>Su-A sits back in her chair and scratches her head, “I apologise, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve met you somewhere before,” she laughs.</p><p>Hae-won turns to her with surprise, “really?”</p><p>Su-A laughs again, “I thought it when we were first introduced, but now I’m almost certain we’ve met.”</p><p>“How remarkable!” Hae-won exclaims.</p><p>Seojoon, Hyungsik and Joo-young exchange glances.</p><p>“Were you ever part of a book club?” Su-A asks her.</p><p>“Never,” Hae-won replies, definitively.</p><p>“Maybe you met in a supermarket or something,” Joo-young offers with a laugh.</p><p>Su-A frowns, “I seem to recall a conversation though,” she holds her chin.</p><p>Hae-won thinks for a moment with a frown, taking another sip of her wine.</p><p>“You lived in Pyeongchang before Tokyo, didn’t you?” Hae-won asks her.</p><p>Su-A nods, “that’s right, an apartment in the south, and before that, a small house in the east, with Hyungsik and Joo-young. Single storey, red door. There was a huge pothole right outside which you had to avoid if you parked outside...”</p><p>Suddenly, Hae-won’s eyes widen and she looks at Su-A, before turning to Hyungsik.</p><p>“I drove you home as a boy,” she says quietly, pointing her index finger at him.</p><p>“Me?” Hyungsik asks, surprised.</p><p>“That’s right, it was raining and I picked you both up from the arcade,” she turns to Su-A, “that’s when we met. We talked at the door - about his parents.”</p><p>Su-A’s eyes widen, “of course, I remember you now!”</p><p>“I don’t understand. Why would you have picked me up from an arcade?” Hyungsik asks Hae-won.</p><p>“It was raining, torrential rain in fact, and I had arranged to collect Seojoon from a new arcade that had just opened in town, and he came out with another boy, asking if I could take him home - that was you,” Hae-won explained, “do you remember? I <em>stupidly </em>said something about your parents and you told me they had died…”</p><p>Seojoon turns to Hyungsik, heart hammering in his chest.</p><p>Hyungsik is ashen, staring at Hae-won. </p><p>“Hyung-cha,” Seojoon manages to say weakly.</p><p>Hyungsik opens his mouth, moving his gaze to the table in front of him. He looks stricken. </p><p>He stands suddenly, eyes avoiding everyone at the table.</p><p>“I just… I just need to get some air,” he says with a whisper.</p><p>Seojoon stands with him and tries to follow him, “Hyung-cha,” he says again, reaching out for him but Hyungsik evades him, avoiding his gaze, before walking away.</p><p>Seojoon feels a lump in his throat as he watches him.</p><p>Hae-won stands and walks to Seojoon, “I don’t understand! What did I say?” she asks, looking quite upset.</p><p>Seojoon turns to Su-A and Joo-young who are both looking confused and very concerned.</p><p>He glances back at the table and realises his entire family are staring at him.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Hyungsik finds an open door leading out of the back of the dining hall and marches to the wooden railing, leaning on it and breathing deeply, the cold air filling his lungs.</p><p>He feels dizzy and removes his coat, wiping his brow.</p><p>
  <em>Steve Rogers</em>
</p><p>He feels sick. </p><p>He looks down at his hands and realises that they are shaking, then his eyes fall on the ring on his finger.</p><p>“I hear congratulations are in order,” he hears a familiar voice behind him say, but he doesn’t turn around.</p><p>“Hyung-ah?”</p><p>A hand grasps his upper arm, turning him slightly, and he finds himself face-to-face with Ji-soo.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Seojoon’s father gets up from his chair and walks over to Seojoon, confusion all over his face, “what’s wrong son? Why did Hyungsik leave?”</p><p>Seojoon opens his mouth to speak but finds that no words come out.</p><p>“I think it was my fault,” Hae-won says, sounding a little desperate, “somehow it was my fault.”</p><p>She turns to Seojoon again, “did something happen at the arcade? What did I say?!”</p><p>Seojoon glances at her, “I don’t know,” he manages.</p><p>He desperately tries to remember.</p><p>It was so long ago.</p><p>It was all coming back to him in a flood, filling his thoughts with a rush of memories.</p><p>The arcade - how he had played games with the boy for hours on the opening night.</p><p>The articles - he had left games articles and other things he thought might have interested him, in his locker.</p><p>His locker - he had shown him where it was when he returned his sweater.</p><p>The school bathroom - the afternoon he interrupted the bully and helped the boy clean up.</p><p>Seojoon tries to remember, something, <em>anything </em>, he may have done wrong.</p><p>He must have done something.</p><p>How had he hurt Hyungsik?</p><p>Seojoon’s father reaches forward, hand grasping his shoulder, “son?” he says with a frown.</p><p>“I need to find him,” Seojoon manages to say, before starting off in the direction Hyungsik had walked away.</p><p> </p><p>Seojoon jogs along the back of the dining hall, eyes darting around, scanning the faces and figures in the room.</p><p>His eyes settle on an open door, leading out to the back of the dining hall, and he instinctively heads towards it.</p><p>As he approaches, he hears familiar voices and slows.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” he hears a man ask.</p><p>He peers around the doorframe, and sees Ji-soo, his hand on Hyungsik’s arm.</p><p>Hyungsik looks shocked to see him, eyes wide and mouth agape.</p><p>“Hyung-ah,” Ji-soo tries, “god, you’re shaking!”</p><p>Ji-soo takes Hyungsik’s coat from his hands and wraps it around his shoulder, gazing at his face as he does it.</p><p>Seojoon feels sick.</p><p>“Tell me - what’s wrong,” Ji-soo pleads, holding both of Hyungsik’s arms with his hands.</p><p>“I just…” Hyungsik tries, voice barely there, “this is too much.”</p><p>“What’s too much?” Ji-soo asks, sounding confused.</p><p>Hyungsik swallows and looks at Ji-soo’s face, “do you remember at school, when I got attacked and that older boy helped me?”</p><p>Ji-soo nods, “Captain America.”</p><p>Hyungsik looks at the snow on the ground, “that was Seojoon,” he says flatly.</p><p>Ji-soo releases Hyungsik’s arms and steps back a pace, “fuck me.”</p><p>Seojoon’s heart, still hammering in his chest, sinks.</p><p>
  <em>What did I do?! </em>
</p><p>He desperately tries to recall the memories. The things he had said. The things they had talked about. </p><p>He still can’t believe it. </p><p>That boy… was Hyungsik?</p><p>His thoughts are interrupted when Hyungsik speaks again, “Ji-ah, I feel sick,” he looks at Ji-soo, almost pleadingly.</p><p>Ji-soo pulls him close for a hug and holds him in his arms.</p><p>Seojoon feels like he’s going to fall, his legs suddenly unsteady.</p><p>He turns away from the open door and heads along the outer-edges of the dining hall until he finds the main entrance and then walks outside into the darkness.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“What can I do?” Ji-soo asks softly.</p><p>Hyungsik pulls away from him, “I just can’t believe it Ji-ah,” he says with a whisper.</p><p>Ji-soo frowns at him, “why are you so upset?”</p><p>“I’m not upset,” Hyungsik explains, eyes wide and eyebrows high, “I’m just… so overwhelmed.”</p><p>“Okay,” Ji-soo starts, “so why are you overwhelmed? I mean, doesn’t this add to the dramatic romance that is your story-book relationship with him?”</p><p>Hyungsik manages a small laugh at this and he feels his body relaxing.</p><p>“That boy, Seojoon, I guess” Hyungsik starts before swallowing, “he made a huge impression on me.”</p><p>“Really?” Ji-soo asks, sounding very surprised, “you only met him that once didn’t you?”</p><p>Hyungsik looks a little guiltily at Ji-soo, “I never told you but… he would leave things for me, in my locker.”</p><p>Ji-soo’s eyes widen, “the arcade news article.”</p><p>Hyungsik nods, “and other things. I went to the arcade on opening night and… he was there.”</p><p>“Oh,” Ji-soo replies, eyebrows raised, “you never told me.”</p><p>Hyungsik turns to lean against the wooden railing, “I was really confused at that time. It was three days before the first anniversary of my parent’s accident and… there were things about myself I hadn’t figured out yet.”</p><p>“What are you trying to say, Hyung-ah?” Ji-soo frowns, “I’m a little lost.”</p><p>“He was my first crush,” Hyungsik admits, looking at his shoes.</p><p>“Yah! I thought <em>I </em>was your first crush?!” Ji-soo cries, outraged.</p><p>Hyungsik lets out a small laugh and turns to him with his thumb and index finger pinched together, wincing, “not so much,” he admits.</p><p>“Are you ret-conning your own gay origin story?!” Ji-soo shakes his head, “Wow. Captain America, huh?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Hyungsik gazes at the snow.</p><p>“And now you’re marrying him,” Ji-soo says with a smile, “isn’t this a dream-come-true or something?”</p><p>Hyungsik looks up at him, “I love him so much, Ji-ah.”</p><p>“I know you do,” Ji-soo smiles. </p><p>He turns to lean against the wooden railing beside Hyungsik, “you know, I saw you both once, four or five months after <em>that </em>Christmas.”</p><p>“You did?” Hyungsik asks, surprised.</p><p>Ji-soo nods before sighing, “you were in a small pocha by the river. I walked in and saw you both but you didn’t see me so… for some reason I stayed there.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you say hello?” Hyungsik asks.</p><p>Ji-soo turns to look at him, and regards him for a moment.</p><p>“You were both… you looked so happy,” Ji-soo starts to explain, “there were all these bored looking couples around us and then… there was the two of you. You looked like no-one else existed to you. To be honest, I couldn’t stop looking at you.”</p><p>Hyungsik’s eyes widen at this but he doesn’t say anything.</p><p>“I can see he makes you really happy, Hyung-ah,” Ji-soo adds, looking at his feet.</p><p>Hyungsik’s eyes begin to fill with tears, “I love him so much,” he gushes again, “I loved him before this and now… he’s that boy who helped me and was so kind to me and almost got me through that horrible year and we played games together and he smiled at me and god…”</p><p>Ji-soo laughs and turns to Hyungsik, “shouldn’t you be telling <em>him </em>this?”</p><p>Hyungsik looks at the door to the dining hall, eyes widening.</p><p>He pushes himself off of the wooden railing and starts for the door, calling back to Ji-soo, “thanks Ji-ah! I need to find him!”</p><p>“Hyung-ah!” Ji-soo cries.</p><p>Hyungsik stops and turns.</p><p>Ji-soo smiles, “congratulations.” </p><p>“Thanks, Ji-ah.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Hyungsik rushes back to the table where their families are all gathered looking concerned and subdued.</p><p>Upon seeing him, Hae-won immediately jumps up out of her chair, “I’m so sorry, Hyungsik!” she says with anguish.</p><p>Hyungsik smiles at her, putting his hand on her shoulder, “it’s okay, Hae-won! You didn’t do anything to apologise for!”</p><p>Su-A and Joo-young are at his side.</p><p>“You okay? What happened? Why did you run off like that?” Joo-young blurts out, “are you mad at him?”</p><p>“No! Of course I’m not mad at Seojoon,” Hyungsik cries, “where is he?”</p><p>He looks around the room desperately.</p><p>“We haven’t seen him since he went to find you,” Su-A explains.</p><p>Hyungsik rubs his eyes and tries to gather his thoughts.</p><p>“Which way did he go?” Hyungsik asks Su-A.</p><p>She points towards the back of the dining hall, “he followed you,” she tells him.</p><p>Hyungsik feels a knot in his stomach.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh god.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What did I say?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What did he hear? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>What did he see?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ji-soo. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>His insecurities about Ji-soo.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He feels hands on his face and looks up to see both Su-A and Joo-young peering at him looking very worried.</p><p>“What’s going on?” Joo-young cries, “will you talk to us?!”</p><p>“I just… I need to find Seojoon,” Hyungsik manages to say, before turning and heading towards the main entrance of the dining hall.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Seojoon climbs the gravel path, as thick snow falls around him.</p><p>It’s dark and outside of the dim lights along the pathway, he can’t see anything ahead of him.</p><p>His fingers and toes are numb, and he hides his face in his coat, shielding himself against the icy wind.</p><p>When he reaches the top of the path, he’s relieved to see that he’s alone.</p><p>He walks over to the bench and sits down, looking at the lights of the town below him.</p><p>He feels empty.</p><p><em>I must’ve done something to him back then </em>, he thinks.</p><p>
  <em>Something to hurt him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ji-soo knows about it.</em>
</p><p>Seojoon turns on the bench, raising his legs up and he lies back on the wood, wincing a little as he feels the snow melt against his coat.</p><p>He rests his right arm against his forehead and looks at the black sky, snow falling on his face and in his eyes.</p><p>
  <em>How did I fuck it up so quickly?</em>
</p><p><em>What did I </em> <b><em>do</em> </b> <em>?!</em></p><p>He thinks back to that night at the arcade.</p><p>
  <em>He seemed happy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>For the first time since I met him, in the few times that I saw him, he seemed happy that night.</em>
</p><p>Then it dawned on him.</p><p>Why the boy was so sad.</p><p>He tried to recall anything he may have said about parents, anything that may have been insensitive.</p><p>He had no idea.</p><p>If he <em>did </em>say anything, how could he have known?</p><p>He remembered him waving to him from his bedroom window.</p><p>That was the last time he saw him.</p><p>Until he ran up the stairs of the bus at Seoul station.</p><p>Seojoon feels his eyes sting as hot tears gather, and he closes them.</p><p><em>Hyungsik </em>.</p><p>Fighting the urge to sob, Seojoon feels anxiety shift into panic.</p><p>He tries to picture his life without Hyungsik. </p><p>He just feels cold and empty.</p><p>
  <em>“No-one knows me like you do”</em>
</p><p>Is that still true?</p><p>Seojoon has no idea why Hyungsik is so upset.</p><p>He recalls how he evaded him in the dining hall. </p><p>How he couldn’t even look at him.</p><p>But Ji-soo.</p><p>Ji-soo seemed to understand.</p><p><em>Fuck </em>.</p><p>“Fuck!” he shouts at the sky.</p><p>He sits up on the bench and buries his face in his hands.</p><p>He doesn’t hear over the sound of his own movements and his head pounding, soft footsteps in the snow, slowly approaching him.</p><p>He feels a hand on his left hand, as it is pulled away from his face, and finds himself looking at Hyungsik.</p><p>They gaze at one another wordlessly.</p><p>Hyungsik looks down at Seojoon’s hand in his.</p><p>“You’re so cold,” he whispers, tenderly.</p><p>Seojoon’s heart starts to race and he feels like he’s going to start crying again. </p><p>He wants to reach out to him, to touch him, plead with him, ask him what he did wrong, but he fights to calm himself down.</p><p>“So are you,” he says finally, voice quiet.</p><p>Hyungsik squeezes his hand, caressing it slowly with his thumb.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Seo-ah,” he starts, “for running off like that.”</p><p>Seojoon’s mind floods with a whole host of questions. He struggles to think of the right words to say. What he really wants to ask him and the best way to ask it.</p><p>Finally, he sighs and looks at Hyungsik, “did I do something to hurt you? Back then I mean?”</p><p>Hyungsik’s brow knits and his eyes widen at this, “No!” he gasps, “of <em>course </em>you didn’t!”</p><p>He grabs for Seojoon’s arms, holding them on his lap.</p><p>Seojoon looks at Hyungsik’s hands. His beautiful hands.</p><p>“I don’t understand what happened,” he manages to say, a lump in his throat.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Seo-ah,” Hyungsik says again, reaching for his face and shifting himself closer on the bench.</p><p>Seojoon looks at him, searching his eyes, imploring him to explain.</p><p>Hyungsik caresses his cheek twice with his thumb before moving his hand away and looking out of the lights of the town, stretched out below them.</p><p>He sighs.</p><p>“This is… overwhelming,” he says finally.</p><p>Seojoon says nothing, gazing at him.</p><p>“That boy… <em>you… </em>and what you did for me - it meant a lot to me at that time,” Hyungsik explains.</p><p>Seojoon watches as Hyungsik tugs at the sleeve of his coat.</p><p>“That night at the arcade…” Hyungsik starts again, “that was three days before the first anniversary of my parent’s accident.”</p><p>“Oh, Hyung-cha,” Seojoon whispers, reaching for his hand.</p><p>Hyungsik doesn’t look at him, but moves his gaze to Seojoon’s hand on his.</p><p>“You were so kind. You made me feel… safe.” Hyungsik admits, “when I said goodbye to you and you told me you only had a week left at school, I felt so, so, sad.”</p><p>Seojoon squeezes his hand.</p><p>Hyungsik raises his head and looks at Seojoon, eyes scanning his face, “I had <em>such </em>a crush on you, Seo-ah.”</p><p>“You <em>did </em>?” Seojoon asks, eyes wide.</p><p>Hyungsik manages a weak laugh, “Seo-ah, you were like this hero, that swept into my life, overwhelming me with your kindness and that smile of yours,” he leans back, regarding Seojoon, “I can’t believe I never recognised you.”</p><p>Seojoon doesn’t say anything, but gazes at him with an empathetic expression.</p><p>“I never told anyone about that night at the arcade,” Hyungsik admits, looking back at their clasped hands.</p><p>“Not even Ji-soo?” Seojoon asks.</p><p>Hyungsik shakes his head.</p><p>“Me neither,” Seojoon replies, “I don’t know why. I didn’t tell anyone about you.”</p><p>“Why did you do all of that for me?” Hyungsik asks him imploringly.</p><p>Seojoon looks taken aback.</p><p>“I… I don’t know…” his mouth opens and he stares at their hands, “I guess, you reminded me of myself when I was that age. You seemed so sad too. Which makes so much sense now.”</p><p>Hyungsik nods, eyes glassy with tears, which Seojoon notices immediately.</p><p>“What did I say? I’m sorry!” he reaches for Hyungsik’s face, and sweeps his eye-lashes with his thumb.</p><p>“It’s nothing,” Hyungsik almost laughs, tears rolling down his cheeks, “It’s stupid!”</p><p>“Tell me, please!” Seojoon pleads with him.</p><p>Hyungsik looks at him, an anxious expression on his face, “you didn’t… feel anything?”</p><p>Seojoon’s eyes widen and he raises his eyebrows.</p><p>“Oh, Hyung-cha,” he says with a whisper, “you were so young. I’m sorry but… I didn’t see you that way.”</p><p>Hyungsik laughs but more tears fall from his eyes.</p><p>“Hyung-cha!” Seojoon coos, pulling him close to hold him in his arms.</p><p>“It’s so stupid!” Hyungsik laughs into Seojoon’s neck, hot tears pressing against his skin.</p><p>“It’s not stupid,” Seojoon assures him, pressing his head against Hyungsik’s, “I thought of you a lot that year, y’know?”</p><p>“You did?” Hyungsik asks.</p><p>“Every time I saw anything to do with video games. Whenever I saw that vile shit that beat you up. As I passed your locker. Whenever I put that sweater on…” Seojoon explains.</p><p>Seojoon can feel Hyungsik sobbing quietly in his arms, and he squeezes him against his chest.</p><p>“I didn’t even ask you your name. I felt like such an idiot for that,” Seojoon continues, “you were the first and only person I felt a connection with, the entire time I was at school.”</p><p>This does nothing to slow Hyungsik’s sobbing and he buries his face in Seojoon’s shoulder.</p><p>“I can’t believe that was you,” Seojoon says with a whisper.</p><p>They sit in silence and minutes go by, Seojoon holding Hyungsik as he cries quietly in his arms.</p><p>Finally, Hyungsik stills and he pulls away from Seojoon, wiping his face with his hands.</p><p>He looks at Seojoon, “there’s a boring explanation for this but… I used to call you Steve Rogers,” he says with a laugh.</p><p>Seojoon lets out a guffaw at this, and Hyungsik punches him lightly on the arm.</p><p>“Hyung-cha, that’s fucking adorable,” Seojoon says with a warm smile.</p><p>“Oh, shut up!” Hyungsik protests, “what a fucking idiot I was!”</p><p>“No!” Seojoon cries, reaching for his wrists, “it’s so… it’s… I understand, y’know.”</p><p>“Thank you, Seo-ah,” Hyungsik nods.</p><p>“You must be so disappointed now,” Seojoon says, his eyes narrowed and a smile on his lips.</p><p>“Disappointed?” Hyungsik frowns.</p><p>“Now you’ve seen me not wash for days when I’m writing, dealt with my many sulks and neuroses, dragged me out of the house in protest, listened to me moan about everything I hate about the world… Steve Rogers, I’m not,” he laughs.</p><p>Hyungsik chuckles and leans close to him, pressing his nose against Seojoon’s.</p><p>“Seo-ah, you’re my hero,” he whispers.</p><p>Seojoon widens his eyes at him, before tilting his head and pressing his lips against Hyungsik’s.</p><p>His cheeks are cold but his lips are warm and Seojoon feels heat rushing over him. He kisses him slowly and softly, thumbs grazing his cheeks.</p><p>He pulls away slightly and whispers onto Hyungsik’s cheek, “and you’re my light.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Sixteen Years Ago - June 25th 2005</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Several weeks after the arcade, Seojoon returned home to find his parents talking about him.</p><p>He didn’t enter the house especially quietly so he was surprised to hear his name and realise that they hadn’t heard him at the door. </p><p>He waited, leaving the door slightly ajar, curiosity getting the better of him.</p><p>“Seojoon has always been like this, jagiya<em>,</em>” he heard his father say, “I think he <em>likes </em>being alone.”</p><p>“He used to play with the boys down the street!” his mother countered.</p><p>“When he was four or five! Once puberty hit, he preferred sitting in that room of his,” his father stated, a small measure of confusion in his voice.</p><p>“That doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try to help him change that,” he mother returned, sounding a little sad, “there’s a new lady at the office and her daughter is his age. She said that she loves books. We should arrange for them to meet.”</p><p>Seojoon heard his father make a low grumbling sound, “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. I don’t think he’ll thank you for it.”</p><p>“Sometimes, he thinks he knows best, but he’s wrong,” his mother replies, sounding a little defiant, “I just don’t want to see him alone.”</p><p>At this, Seojoon decides that he’s heard enough and pushes the door closed behind him, loud enough to startle them.</p><p>“Seojie?” his mother called.</p><p>“Hey, I’m jumping in the shower, ‘kay?” he shouted into the next room from the hallway, before heading to the bathroom and locking the door behind him.</p><p><em>Well, that’s depressing</em>, he thought to himself, as he slouched down against the back of the door. </p><p>He used to have friends. </p><p>When he started school, he would play games constantly with the other boys in the playground. In fact, he was always quite popular, as he made up stories and adventures for them to act out, always happy to be the ring-leader.</p><p>He couldn’t remember when it changed but he always felt that it wasn’t him - it was everyone else. </p><p>Gradually, no-one wanted to go on adventures with him, instead they wanted to discuss soccer players and kick a ball around the playground. </p><p>Then they started fighting, constantly vying for some imagined ‘top spot’ in their unspoken hierarchy and finally, they all became obsessed with girls.</p><p>By then, he couldn’t be bothered to make new friends. </p><p>There were boys in his class that liked to read or play games, but Seojoon just never clicked with any of them. They were either too serious, or too shy. </p><p>That was the thing about Seojoon: he <em>was </em>confident. </p><p>He never had a problem socialising - he was just an introvert - and that meant that he would rather have one amazing friend, than all the popularity in the world.</p><p>He had just never found that friend.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Hyungsik tried to look for the boy twice that summer.</p><p>The first time was when Ji-soo suggested they go to the arcade.</p><p>He hadn’t told him that he went on opening night or about the boy.</p><p>He didn’t know why particularly, but there was something about that night that he couldn’t really explain, a feeling that had stayed with him and it wasn’t something he wanted to share with Ji-soo, nor did he think he would understand.</p><p>It had felt special and Hyungsik had the feeling that somehow, if he told Ji-soo about it, it would sound unremarkable.</p><p>When Hyungsik imagined himself talking about it, it <em>was </em>unremarkable. </p><p>
  <em>We played games together. That’s it.</em>
</p><p>Then, Hyungsik would remember the light on the boy’s face, the way he looked when he smiled at him and his hands on the game cabinet beside him, and he would start to feel his face grow hot and a little nauseous.</p><p>So he just didn’t tell anyone and when Ji-soo suggested they go to the arcade, he nodded enthusiastically and acted like that night had never happened.</p><p>It was a Saturday when they decided to go the first time.</p><p>Hyungsik wasn’t expecting to see him and he instinctively felt that it might be awkward with Ji-soo there if he <em>did </em>see him, but he wanted to see him anyway.</p><p>They played games for most of the afternoon, Hyungsik with one eye on the door, but the boy didn’t appear.</p><p>On the way home, Ji-soo tried to start multiple conversations with him about games, music and football, but he wasn’t really in the mood.</p><p>“Yah, what’s wrong with you?” Ji-soo asked finally, clearly frustrated by the lack of discussion.</p><p>“Nothing, I’m fine,” Hyungsik replied, not sounding particularly convincing.</p><p>“I thought you’d enjoy going to the arcade,” Ji-soo complains, “but you just seemed miserable the whole time we were in there.”</p><p>“Did I?” Hyungsik asked, flatly, “I wasn’t miserable. It was really good.”</p><p>“Yah. Tell that to your face,” Ji-soo said, eyes darting across Hyungsik’s face.</p><p>“Sorry,” Hyungsik muttered, “Ji-ah?”</p><p>“Yeah”</p><p>“Do you know anyone who’s just left our school? Just had their final year, I mean?” Hyungsik asked him, eyes on his feet.</p><p>“I know the football team?” Ji-soo offered, looking at him questioningly, “why?”</p><p>Hyungsik didn’t really know how to answer that, because he didn’t know why he had asked. </p><p>He knew that he was grasping for a connection to the boy, to maybe, somehow find out his name, which high school he was going to, maybe even see him again someday.</p><p>But he didn’t truly believe Ji-soo could offer him that connection.</p><p>“Oh I… just wondered…” Hyungsik struggled to find an answer, “I mean, they must be really freaked out about changing schools.”</p><p>Ji-soo frowned at him.</p><p>“I guess so,” he replied, “I don’t think any of them mentioned it to me though. I don’t know why they would.”</p><p>“Right,” Hyungsik laughed nervously, “do you… still see them? The boys in the football team, I mean?”</p><p>“The final graders?” Ji-soo asked.</p><p>“Yeah,” Hyungsik nodded.</p><p>“Hyung-ah, why would I see them? It’s summer and they’ve left our school,” Ji-soo’s brow furrowed even more.</p><p>Hyungsik looked at him then, “I didn’t know if you were friends with them and… y’know, you hung out with them. Like the boys in your team?”</p><p>Ji-soo’s face relaxed and he looked at his feet, “no - never have. I only know them from practices and matches and stuff.”</p><p>Hyungsik nodded.</p><p>“Why all the questions about the final graders?” Ji-soo asked, frowning and turning to look at him again.</p><p>Hyungsik felt his face grow hot and cursed himself.</p><p>“No reason,” he laughed, nervously.</p><p>“You’re being <em>so </em>weird today,” Ji-soo told him, shaking his head.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Seojoon sat opposite the girl on the grass and watched her as she carefully unwrapped her ssambap and then tried and failed to take a bite from it.</p><p>She threw him glances and seemingly concluded that she wasn’t going to try to eat it with his eyes on her and placed it back in the container she had bought it in.</p><p>“Are you not eating?” she asked, looking slightly put-out.</p><p>“Um yeah, of course,” Seojoon laughed awkwardly, scooping some rice out of the box in front of him.</p><p>The girl seemed satisfied at this and took a small bite from the corner of her ssambap, scowling as pieces fell onto the grass.</p><p>After a short silence, as they chewed on their bites of food, the girl said, “so you want to be a writer?”</p><p>Seojoon chewed for a few more moments, before responding, “yeah, that’s the plan,” he smiled.</p><p>The girl set her ssambap down again and regarded him, head tilted to one side.</p><p>“I’ve decided: you <em>are </em>cute,” she said finally, a half-smile curling on her lips.</p><p>Seojoon looked away, scooping more rice out of the container and filling his mouth as much as possible.</p><p>“Do you have a girlfriend?” she asked then, a devious look in her eye.</p><p>Seojoon felt himself sigh as he chewed the last of the rice in his mouth. “Nope, not a <em>girlfriend ,</em>” he admitted, finally.</p><p>The girl’s eyebrows closed together slightly at this, before her eyes widened.</p><p>“You’re gay aren’t you?” she asked, realisation sweeping over her face.</p><p>Seojoon just nodded, adding more rice to his mouth, glancing only briefly at her.</p><p>“I should’ve known really,” the girl laughed, “of course my mother would try to set me up with a gay boy!” she regarded him again, “does your mother not know?”</p><p>At this, Seojoon paused with chopsticks in his mouth. <em>I guess she doesn’t know</em>, he thought to himself. He chewed the rice in his mouth quickly before replying, “I thought she did, but maybe not.”</p><p>“Have you had a boyfriend?” the girl asked abruptly.</p><p>Seojoon swallowed and frowned at her a little, “this conversation is making me uncomfortable” he admitted.</p><p>“What’s the big deal?” the girl asked, waving her hand around, “I can tell you about my boyfriends if you want?” she laughed.</p><p>“It’s okay, thanks” he scowled.</p><p>“Are you ashamed?” she asked, looking like she was enjoying herself.</p><p>Seojoon dropped his chopsticks in the rice box. </p><p>“No, I’m not ashamed. Why would I be ashamed?”</p><p>“You tell me - you’re the one getting all weird about it” the girl laughed at him.</p><p>“I met you a week ago, I don’t want to talk to you about this,” Seojoon responded, before chewing on his lower lip.</p><p>“I really don’t see what the problem is,” she continued, “I mean, have you even kissed a boy?”</p><p>At this, Seojoon started to gather his things, closing the lid on his food.</p><p>“Oh, stop!” she cried at him, she knelt closer to him, resting her hand on his bag, “what I’m trying to ask you, is: how do you <em>know </em>you’re gay? How can you be sure?” </p><p>Before he could stop her, she leaned in close to him and pressed her lips against his.</p><p>Seojoon wanted to be outraged but more than anything he felt like he wanted to laugh. </p><p><em>My first kiss is with a girl</em>, he thought to himself, <em>yeah, sounds about right</em>.</p><p>He reached for her shoulders and gently eased her away from him.</p><p>She opened her eyes and gazed at him, looking like she enjoyed it considerably more than he did.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he winced at her, “still like boys.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>The second time Hyungsik tried to find the boy was unplanned.</p><p>His foster mother had told him that she had arranged a meeting with his principal to discuss an extra-curricula programme that Hyungsik might be interested in - one that offered additional music lessons and tutoring.</p><p>Hyungsik was really excited about it and when they sat down with the principal to talk about it, he barely hesitated to accept a place on the programme.</p><p>His foster mother suggested Hyungsik step outside while she spoke to the principal about the details, so he left the principal’s office and began to walk slowly along the school corridors outside of the school office.</p><p>It was while idly looking at the notice boards and trophy cabinets lining the walls, that it occurred to him that some students had their pictures in these halls, depending on achievements and club participation.</p><p>His thoughts on the boy, he began wandering the halls, stopping to look at all the photos, eyes searching for his face.</p><p>
  <em>What do I know about him?</em>
</p><p>He tried to remember anything that the boy may have said to offer a clue about him. </p><p>He knew he liked games.</p><p>He had mentioned books a lot at the arcade.</p><p>That was about it.</p><p>He didn’t know if he had played sports, or liked chess, or played in the school band.</p><p>He knew next to nothing about him.</p><p>Feeling deflated, and being aware that he had strayed quite a distance from the school office, he made his way back.</p><p>He was about to sit down on the chairs outside of the principal’s office, when one of the school administrators called out to him that she had the paperwork for him, for the music programme.</p><p>He walked back to the tall desk she was sitting behind, and she handed him an envelope.</p><p>As he was returning to the chairs, he noticed that the envelope wasn’t addressed to him so turned to return it to her.</p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said, “they were next to one another in the box! Who do you have there?”</p><p>Hyungsik looked at the envelope, “Park Seojoon,” he told her.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>It was two days after his picnic with the girl, that Seojoon’s parents asked him to have dinner with them. </p><p>He knew immediately that the girl, Min Young, had told her mother, who had then likely blurted it out to his mother, probably while they were both at work.</p><p>Seojoon returned from school to find his parents sat in the dining room, a huge spread of side dishes on the table and his brother nowhere to be found.</p><p>He sighed as he seated himself opposite his mother, his father to his right.</p><p>“How was your day?” his father asked brightly, as he rearranged the dishes on the table.</p><p>“Really good, actually, Appa,"Seojoon smiled, “I got my History essay back. I got an A.”</p><p>“That’s marvellous news, Seojoon,” his father smiled, a little too enthusiastically, before resting his hand on his shoulder.</p><p>Seojoon raised an eyebrow.</p><p>He knew what this dinner was about and he could’ve just saved them all the time by saying so, but in part: he didn’t know <em>how </em>to say it to them, especially as he had always assumed that they knew and also: he was curious to see how this would play out.</p><p>“Help yourself, Seojie,” his mother said, fervently.</p><p>Seojoon began helping himself to food and saw his parents glance at one another out of the corner of his eyes.</p><p>“Seojoon,” his father began, “you know you can <em>always </em>talk to your mother and I. About <em>anything </em>.”</p><p>Seojoon nodded, swallowing some tofu, “I know,” he affirmed.</p><p>“Seojie, if there was something bothering you, we would want to help you. You know that don’t you?” his mother asked.</p><p>“There’s nothing bothering me,” Seojoon replied, “are you not eating? Where’s Taehyung?” he asked them.</p><p>“Your brother’s with your aunt and uncle,” his father explained, “we wanted to talk to you alone.”</p><p>At this, Seojoon stopped eating and sat back in his chair with a sigh.</p><p>His parents both sighed.</p><p>Seojoon rubbed his eyes and kept his face covered with his hand.</p><p>“Min-young’s mother told you, didn’t she?” he asked, finally deciding to get this over with.</p><p>He heard his mother shift in her chair and there was a pregnant pause between the three of them.</p><p>“She said something about you, yes,” his mother finally said, hesitance in her voice.</p><p>Seojoon felt sick suddenly. </p><p>He didn’t expect to feel this way but no-one was saying it and he didn’t want to have to be the one to say it.</p><p>Why did he eat all that food? He could feel his stomach churning.</p><p>
  <em>She said something about you.</em>
</p><p>“Seojoon, we wanted to talk to you about it because we didn’t know if what she said was true,” his father said suddenly, sounding concerned, “we’re not asking because we want you to tell us, but we wanted you to know what had been said. If you <em>want </em>to tell us, we’ll be happy to talk about it.”</p><p>Seojoon felt his father’s hand on his own and he lowered it from his face, placing Seojoon’s hand underneath his own, on the table.</p><p>“We love you and there’s nothing you can’t tell us”</p><p>Seojoon didn’t expect to cry but here were the tears, completely uninvited, pooling in the corner of his eyes and making his face hot.</p><p>“This is what she said to your mother: she told her that you were gay,” his father said then, in such a soft voice that Seojoon felt hot tears rolling down his cheeks.</p><p>Seojoon couldn’t look at them, not because they made him feel ashamed, but he was overwhelmed and felt like he would begin sobbing if he met their eyes.</p><p>He nodded and wiped tears from his cheeks with his free hand.</p><p>“I am,” he managed to croak, “I’m gay.”</p><p>He felt them both relax in their chairs and his father squeezed his hand on the table.</p><p>“Thank you for telling us, Seojoon,” his father said, “do you want to tell us why you’re crying?”</p><p>Seojoon looked at him then and as he predicted, upon seeing his father’s kind and concerned expression, Seojoon burst into tears and began weeping quietly.</p><p>Moments later, he felt both his mother and father’s arms around him.</p><p>After several minutes of them huddled in this way, Seojoon crying quietly into the sleeves of his sweater, his father leaned away and held him by his shoulders.</p><p>“I really hope that you’re not crying because of us, Seojoon,” he father said.</p><p>“Seojie, you have nothing to be ashamed about,” his mother added from over his shoulder.</p><p>Seojoon wiped his eyes and tried to calm himself down, “I’m not ashamed. I don’t know why I’m crying,” he thought allowed, “I think… it’s just… I thought you both knew. Well, I suppose I hoped you did. So I wouldn’t have to say it.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Seojie,” his mother said with a small sob, “why did you let me set you up with that <em>stupid </em>girl?!”</p><p>At this, all three of them began laughing, his mother rocking him in her arms from behind, tears rolling down her cheeks.</p><p>“We love you, Seojie,” she whispered into his hair.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Princely</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As dawn breaks on Christmas Eve, Seojoon is wide awake. </p><p>He had been awake for hours, unable to quiet the cacophony of thoughts in his mind.</p><p>He watches Hyungsik sleep.</p><p>He looks small - cute - curled up in bed, on his side, seemingly disappearing amongst the pillows, sheets and blankets.</p><p>He loves the way he always sleeps with one hand under his pillow and the other outstretched ahead of him - usually touching Seojoon in any way that he can.</p><p>He loves his hands - and his arms - smooth and soft, yet also strong.</p><p>Seojoon wants to reach out and touch them, intertwine his own fingers with his long, slender fingers. But he doesn’t want to wake him.</p><p>Seojoon shifts in the bed so that he is closer to him and can see his face better, which is buried in his pillow, his hair jutting up off of his head, before falling at the ends, onto his forehead.</p><p>He gazes at Hyungsik’s face.</p><p>
  <em>I can’t believe you were that boy.</em>
</p><p>Seojoon hadn’t fully processed all that had been realised during the events of the previous evening. </p><p>He had been so preoccupied with worrying about Hyungsik, that he hadn’t truly stopped to think about it.</p><p>It wasn’t until they came back to the cabin and collapsed in bed exhausted, that Seojoon’s mind began to turn things over.</p><p>They had tried to find their families, to offer them some explanation for what had happened, only to realise they must have turned in for the night, as they found the dining hall empty and all of the other cabins dark. It was long after midnight so they were hardly surprised.</p><p>Hyungsik had looked so tired and they were so cold from being sat outside for so long, that they just curled up in bed together, wrapped in each other’s arms.</p><p>Seojoon had slept for several hours before he awoke again. The room dark and silent apart from Hyungsik’s soft breathing beside him.</p><p>As he lay there, he played the memories in his mind, willing himself to remember as much as he could - everything that had happened between them when they were teenagers.</p><p><em>Hyungsik had just lost his parents when that little shit beat him up in the bathroom at school, </em>he thought bitterly to himself.</p><p>
  <em>He looked so small with so much sadness in his eyes. It must’ve been so raw to him then. When we first met.</em>
</p><p>Seojoon felt a swell of protectiveness. He felt inexplicably angry and thought about the injustice of everything that had happened to Hyungsik.</p><p>
  <em>My Hyung-cha.</em>
</p><p>Unable to stop himself any longer, Seojoon slowly reaches out and touches his hair, gently pushing it off of his forehead and then making circles in his hair with his fingers.</p><p>Hyungsik’s eyelashes flutter and his eyes slowly open.</p><p>“What are you doing, Seo-ah?” he asks, voice husky.</p><p>Seojoon is thrown by the question, so considers it for a moment, before answering with a small laugh, “protecting you.”</p><p>Hyungsik pushes himself up slightly, adjusting his head on his pillow so he can see Seojoon properly, “protecting me from what? Sleep?” he complains.</p><p>Seojoon chuckles at that, “I’m sorry, Hyung-cha. Go back to sleep.”</p><p>Hyungsik studies him for a moment, “everything okay?”</p><p>“Yeah sorry. I think I’m just… having a late reaction to yesterday.” Seojoon admits, in a quiet voice.</p><p>“How so?” Hyungsik asks, rubbing his eyes.</p><p>“I’ve always wondered how you coped losing your parents when you were so young but now… I was there. In the smallest way, I had insight into what you were going through,” Seojoon looks sadly at him, still stroking his hair.</p><p>Hyungsik gazes at him before swallowing, “the year that we met, as teenagers I mean, I think that was the lowest point of my life so far,” he admits.</p><p>Seojoon nods and moves closer to him, before moving his hand to Hyungsik’s shoulder and then rubbing and squeezing his upper arm.</p><p>“But Seo-ah, it got better. You saw me at a really bad moment. I got through it.” Hyungsik stresses.</p><p>“I know, it’s just… I can’t believe that was you. It’s difficult to reconcile.” Seojoon explains.</p><p>“Seo-ah,” Hyungsik says, softly, “you know me. I’m not that small boy cowering on the floor of the school bathroom. You don’t need to protect me.”</p><p>Seojoon smiles, “I don’t <em>need </em>to, but I’m fucking going to anyway!”</p><p>Hyungsik lets out a laugh, “Fine, I’ll allow it.” he says, narrowing his eyes at Seojoon, “only from snakes though.”</p><p>“I did do an impeccable job last time,” Seojoon grins.</p><p>Hyungsik turns himself a little and moves one of his hands to Seojoon’s chest, “You know, I was stupidly a little heartbroken last night,” Hyungsik admits with a smile.</p><p>“Hyung-cha! Why?” Seojoon coos, “because… of how you felt? Back then?”</p><p>Hyungsik nods, smirking, “it’s so ridiculous but I think I was sad for my younger self.”</p><p>“Well, maybe you should send a letter back in time and let him know that the boy he had a crush on, lost his virginity to him <em>and </em>is now marrying him,” Seojoon laughs.</p><p>At this, Hyungsik suddenly sits up in the bed.</p><p>“Wait, what?” he asks, eyes wide.</p><p>Seojoon sits up too, a frown on his face, “did you forget?” </p><p>He holds up his left hand and points at his ring.</p><p>“Not that!” Hyungsik replies, dismissively, “the <em>other </em>thing, Seo-ah!”</p><p>“I’m so confused,” Seojoon admits, “about my… first time?”</p><p>Hyungsik’s mouth falls open.</p><p>“You knew!” Seojoon cries, before adding hesitantly, “you knew, right?”</p><p>“No, I <em>didn’t know </em>!” Hyungsik replies, sounding a little pained, “Seo-ah, we talked about that stuff. You told me about the other boys, when you were younger.”</p><p>“Yeah but, we didn’t… it wasn’t like that,” Seojoon explains, “sorry, I thought I was clear.”</p><p>“Oh my god,” Hyungsik says with a whisper, “when you freaked out that morning, you just kept saying <em>I’m new to all this </em>. I thought you meant the feelings between us…”  </p><p>“Well it was <em>both </em>, Hyung-cha,” Seojoon clarifies.</p><p>There’s a small moment of silence between them, as Hyungsik stares at the bed, mouth agape and Seojoon watches him, anxiously.</p><p>“That was your first time?” Hyungsik asks, rhetorically, “I mean… good job, Seo-ah!”</p><p>Seojoon lets out a laugh and Hyungsik follows.</p><p>“I’m serious!” Hyungsik adds, “That night was… amazing. How was that your first time?”</p><p>Seojoon covers his face with his hand, peeping out at Hyungsik between his fingers, “I can’t believe you didn’t know,” he says, voice muffled by his hand.</p><p>“I’m completely shocked, Seo-ah,” Hyungsik admits, “and… I have a lot of feelings about it that I’m trying to keep a lid on.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Seojoon asks, lowering his hand away from his face and looking suddenly anxious again.</p><p>“Everything makes so much more sense now. Why you reacted the way you did,” Hyungsik starts, “to go your entire life not sharing that with anyone and then… after knowing someone for four days… I know you - you can’t buy a new <em>toaster </em>without researching it for weeks. That must’ve been <em>huge </em>for you.”</p><p>Seojoon laughs a little and nods his head, “it was. The next morning, I woke up before you and it didn’t take me long to get myself in a bit of a state about it.”</p><p>“Seo-ah!” Hyungsik coos, “I feel so bad about all of that now.”</p><p>“Why?!” Seojoon laughs, “I was being an idiot. I’d fallen hard for you and my pride kicked in. It was like I was quietly convinced you were just gonna realise you still loved Ji-soo and I felt like this older weirdo, who’d manipulated you into a rebound with me!”</p><p>Hyungsik laughs, “you’re making yourself sound like a predator!”</p><p>“I felt like one!” Seojoon guffaws.</p><p>“You’re so dramatic,” Hyungsik shakes his head, to which Seojoon widens his eyes, incredulously.</p><p>“We can both be… a little dramatic,” Hyungsik admits with a smirk.</p><p>There’s a comfortable silence between them, before Seojoon lies back in bed, stretching his arms out to Hyungsik, who moves over to lie in his arms.</p><p>“It could never have been anyone else but you, y’know?” Seojoon says quietly, cheek pressed against Hyungsik’s forehead.</p><p>“You don’t know that,” Hyungsik counters.</p><p>“I do,” Seojoon asserts, “you have no idea how closed I was to everyone before you came into my life and I… I felt like you belonged with me.”</p><p>Hyungsik pulls back and looks at him.</p><p>“Not in a possessive way!” Seojoon clarifies, “I just felt such a connection with you, even when we were arguing. It felt so natural,” he finishes with a smile.</p><p>Hyungsik shifts in the bed, resting his head on Seojoon’s pillow and looking at him.</p><p>“You really like giving me clothes too, don’t you?” he asks, eyes narrowed and a thin smile on his lips.</p><p>Seojoon laughs, “I think I actually really fucking do!”</p><p>Hyungsik guffaws, “what <em>is </em>that?”</p><p>“I have no idea. It must’ve been my version of intimacy!” Seojoon offers, still laughing at himself.</p><p>“I swear, if I ever see you give clothes to anyone else…” Hyungsik scowls.</p><p>“Is that a hint of possessiveness?” Seojoon asks, eyebrows raised.</p><p>“Oh, I’m <em>so </em>possessive,” Hyungsik admits, “you just never notice it.”</p><p>Seojoon widens his eyes, “I’ve never seen you be possessive.”</p><p>“Okay, so remember three months ago when we went to the department store to buy you a new laptop?” Hyungsik starts.</p><p>Seojoon nods with a small frown.</p><p>“The guy that helped you, in the store, he was looking at you… a lot. And he kept <em>touching </em>you.” Hyungsik frowns with disgust, gesturing with his hands, “when you would reach for something, he would reach for it too, <em>accidentally </em>brushing your hand with his…”</p><p>Seojoon laughs, “how are you making this sound so sexy? I don’t remember that <em>at all </em>! He was just really helpful.” </p><p>“You don’t see it because you don’t know how hot you are, Seo-ah. He was <em>all over you </em>,” Hyungsik almost spits, disgust still painted all over his face, “I thought: <em>Hi! Can you see me over here? I came in with him! </em>I don’t think he looked at me once, until I got sick of watching him and just stepped between you both.”</p><p>Seojoon guffaws, “I don’t remember you doing that!”</p><p>“Oh, I made it look natural. Pretended to look at the laptop next to him and started talking to you about it.” Hyungsik explains, “<em> Then</em>, I ran my hand down your arm so he could see and looked him in the eyes.”</p><p>“Oh my god!” Seojoon laughs, “how did I miss all of this?! I’m usually so observant!”</p><p>“Not when it comes to men you’re not. You’re like this hot… lamb, leaping around a field, utterly oblivious to all the wolves,” Hyungsik scowls.</p><p>Seojoon guffaws, “wow - this is incredible. <em>You’re </em>a possessive weirdo too!”</p><p>“Totally,” Hyungsik nods, before leaning close to Seojoon, “you’re mine.”</p><p>“I am,” Seojoon agrees with a smile. </p><p>He reaches for Hyungsik’s left hand with his own, making a point to touch his engagement ring.</p><p>“I can’t believe we both picked the twenty-third,” Hyungsik starts, looking at their hands, “I can’t believe we both decided to do that. Sometimes I can see why everyone is so weird about us, we’re… ridiculous!”</p><p>“I guess we are,” Seojoon agrees with a small laugh.</p><p>Hyungsik gazes at him, eyes scanning his face, “how did I get so lucky?”</p><p>“That’s my line,” Seojoon retorts, gaze resting on Hyungsik’s lips.</p><p> </p><p>They look at one another, hearts beginning to race.</p><p> </p><p>In two swift motions but in perfect unison, they lunge forward, pressing close to one another, hands feverishly grasping, lips and tongues pressing together.</p><p>Seojoon slides both of his arms around Hyungsik until his hands rest on his shoulder blades, and he rolls, pulling Hyungsik on top of him. </p><p>He kisses him hungrily, holding him tight against his body, waves of heat surging through him.</p><p>Hyungsik presses down on him, thighs clamped tightly around his waist, rolling his hips, hands either side of Seojoon’s head, fingers sliding into his hair.</p><p>Seojoon lifts Hyungsik’s shirt and Hyungsik pulls away from him to remove it, before grappling with Seojoon’s clothes.</p><p>“Is the door locked?” Seojoon asks, breathlessly as he removes his own shirt.</p><p>Hyungsik leaps out of bed and launches himself at the door, locking it in one swift motion, before removing his clothes and crawling back into bed, Seojoon still kicking off his clothes on the floor.</p><p>Seojoon reaches for Hyungsik again, who is making his way back to him, and pulls him close again, “Fuck, I love you so much,” he whispers, before pulling him down on top of him.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>When they finally decide to get out of bed at around 8.30am they find the cabin empty, Taehyung nowhere to be found.</p><p>They head to Seojoon’s parents cabin, rushing across the gravel pathways, hand-in-hand, as very heavy snow falls around them.</p><p>When they enter the cabin, they find Seojoon’s parents and Su-A sitting solemnly around the kitchen island. They look up at the men as they enter, faces awash with concern.</p><p>Seojoon and Hyungsik exchange guilty glances as they sit down to join them at the kitchen island.</p><p>“We’re really sorry for running off like that,” Seojoon starts.</p><p>“Is everything okay now?” Su-A asks, eyebrows raised and knitted together on her forehead.</p><p>“We’re fine,” Hyungsik assures her, reaching for her hand which is resting on the counter.</p><p>“We just… didn’t remember one another back then and…” Seojoon turns to look at Hyungsik, struggling to find the words to explain.</p><p>“We both got a bit overwhelmed,” Hyungsik finishes for him, eyes resting on Seojoon’s face.</p><p>“Did something happen to you both?” Su-A asks, still looking concerned and a little confused.</p><p>Hyungsik tries to explain to them everything that happened between Seojoon and himself, when they were teenagers. </p><p>He is as honest as possible, even admitting that Seojoon was his first crush, and telling them all about the bully and the things he said to him.</p><p>Seojoon remains quiet as Hyungsik speaks, but he holds his hand on his leg, squeezing it in silent support, whenever he reaches difficult parts of the story.</p><p>Occasionally, during the story, Seojoon’s eyes meet his parents’ and he finds their expressions unreadable.</p><p>When Hyungsik has finished talking, there is a moment of silence between the five of them.</p><p>It’s Su-A who speaks first.</p><p>“Isn’t that remarkable,” she says in awe, “looking from Hyungsik to Seojoon.”</p><p>“It is,” Seojoon nods in agreement, “I think we’re both still processing it.”</p><p>“We’re dramatic like that,” Hyungsik laughs, suddenly feeling embarrassed about the whole thing.</p><p>“I think you both have every right to feel overwhelmed to realise all of that,” Su-A declares, “especially on an already emotional day for you both, with all the anxiety before you proposed to one another, and then the relief and joy you must’ve felt when you both said yes.”</p><p>“I suppose, I didn’t think about it like that,” Hyungsik admits.</p><p>“Seojie,” Seojoon’s mother starts, surprising them all as both of his parents had remained silent since they entered the cabin.</p><p>Yes, Eomma ?” Seojoon replies, eyes wide. </p><p>“Was that the year…” she looks nervously at Su-A and Hyungsik, “that I did that <em>stupid </em>thing and we had that chat at the dining table?”</p><p>Seojoon frowns for a moment, looking confused before his eyes-widen again and he lets out a small laugh, “yes, Eomma - it was the same time.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Seojie,” his mother says, pleadingly, “to think that I did that when you’d just met Hyungsie.”</p><p>“Oh, Eomma , it wasn’t like <em>that </em>!” Seojoon exclaims, “we were teenagers!”</p><p>“Son,” Seojoon’s father starts, “is it lost on you that you came out that year?”</p><p>Hyungsik turns to look at Seojoon.</p><p>Seojoon looks a little taken aback and his mouth opens and closes, as he flounders to reply.</p><p>He looks at his mother and Su-A, looking a little embarrassed, “Appa, I knew before then -”</p><p>“- but that’s when you decided, definitively, that people needed to know,” his father interjects, “maybe you need to ask yourself why that is.”</p><p>Hyungsik looks away from Seojoon, and meets Su-A’s gaze, who smiles at him.</p><p>“I think Hyungsik made more of an impression on you than you realised,” his father finishes.</p><p>Seojoon looks stricken. He stares at the kitchen counter.</p><p>After a few moments, Hyungsik stands up and smiles at Seojoon’s parents and Su-A. </p><p>He reaches for Seojoon’s wrist, “I’m just going to borrow him for a second if that’s okay?”</p><p>They all smile back at him, laughter in their eyes.</p><p>Hyungsik tugs at Seojoon’s arm, and Seojoon silently stands, eyes avoiding everyone’s gazes.</p><p> </p><p>Outside the cabin, Hyungsik marches them to a nearby tree and out of sight from the cabin windows.</p><p>“You okay, Seo-ah?” he asks him.</p><p>“Yeah,” Seojoon responds, almost automatically.</p><p>“Seo-ah…” Hyungsik starts, “what are you thinking?”</p><p>“I’m thinking… that I’m an idiot,” Seojoon says, flatly, eyes looking at the trees and then gaze falling on Hyungsik’s face.</p><p>Hyungsik laughs.</p><p>“I want to be honest with you. I didn’t feel like <em>that </em>about you.” Seojoon says carefully, “but I… did feel a connection with you and it <em>was </em>confusing for my young gay-heart. Especially after the arcade. And I hated Ji-soo. That one time I met him, I inexplicably hated him.”</p><p>Hyungsik shakes his head, “I get the impression he was threatened by you, even back then. I stupidly told him he was dumb and aggressive like the Hulk, because he said you should’ve beaten that kid up in the school bathroom, and he snapped back: ‘<em>so what is he? Captain America? </em>’ - about you I mean.”</p><p>Seojoon remembers the conversation he overheard the previous night.</p><p>“Steve Rogers,” Seojoon says, with realisation.</p><p>They stand in silence for a few moments, snow falling heavily around them.</p><p>“If you had stayed in my life somehow, I wouldn’t have even <em>looked </em>at Ji-soo,” Hyungsik admits, breaking the quiet.</p><p>“I’m just sorry that I wasn’t. I wish I’d been there for you,” Seojoon replies, sadly.</p><p>Hyungsik reaches out and touches the tips of Seojoon’s fingers to his own, “that’s the thing about falling in love with you, Seo-ah, I feel like you <em>have </em>been with me, my whole life.”</p><p>Seojoon gazes at him lovingly, “same,” he manages to say, eyes glassy.</p><p>“‘Kay, so let’s stop freaking out about all of this!” Hyungsik laughs, “It’s fucking Christmas Eve, Seo-ah! We’re engaged! We bought Nuni an amazing reindeer costume which he’s gonna hate!” </p><p>He grabs Seojoon’s arms and jumps up and down on the spot and Seojoon guffaws back at him.</p><p>“I hope you bought presents with you,” Hyungsik scowls suddenly.</p><p>“Hyung-cha,” Seojoon frowns, “you <em>know </em>I did. I saw you looking in my case, back at the apartment.”</p><p>Hyungsik mimes mock outrage, “I did <em>not </em>!”</p><p>Seojoon grabs him by the arms and marches them both back into the cabin.</p><p>As they walk through the door, Seojoon’s parents and Su-A look up at them from the seating area, mugs in their hands.</p><p>“Sorry about that,” Hyungsik laughs breathlessly, “I think we’re done freaking out now!”</p><p>Seojoon suppresses a smile, and nods at his father, who simply shakes his head at him, creases at his eyes.</p><p>“Coffee?” Su-A asks brightly.</p><p>“Oh my god, yes please!” Hyungsik exclaims, collapsing in an armchair, Seojoon seating himself on the arm of the chair, beside him.</p><p>At that moment, Taehyung walks through the door looking red-faced and out of breath.</p><p>“Morning,” he gasps, breathlessly.</p><p>“Have you been running?” his mother asks him.</p><p>“Er…” Taehyung looks a little flustered before explaining, “I just ran from our cabin,” he gestures to Seojoon and Hyungsik.</p><p>“Would you like some coffee, Taehyung?” Su-A asks him.</p><p>“Oh, thanks, Su-A. That would be amazing actually,” he leans against the glass of the window opposite his brother, removes his coat and slides to the floor, knees at his chest, still trying to catch his breath.</p><p>“Have you been up long?” Seojoon asks him, a knowing look in his eyes, but innocence in his voice.</p><p>Taehyung regards him for a moment before asking, “are you both okay now? That seemed… pretty intense last night.”</p><p>“We’re good,” Seojoon nods, “I’ll explain to you later, Tae. Eomma, Appa and Su-A have already had an earful about it.”</p><p>“Joo-young was crying. She thought you guys were gonna split,” Taehyung tells them.</p><p>“Shit, Joo-young!” Hyungsik looks at Su-A, as she hands him and Seojoon mugs of coffee.</p><p>“She’s fine,” Su-A assures him, “I’ll explain everything to her. I need to put my book away and change my shoes anyway - I’ll try to catch her.”</p><p>“I feel so bad about all of that,” Seojoon admits, “we tried to find you all after we talked but you’d turned in by then.”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it, Seojie,” his mother assures him, “as long as you’re both okay - that’s all that matters.”</p><p>Su-A hands another mug of coffee to Taehyung and then waves at them all. “I’ll be back shortly,” she announces before heading out of the door.</p><p>“So son,” Seojoon’s father turns to Taehyung, eyes fixed on him, “you finally managed to get some?”</p><p>Seojoon splutters in his mug of coffee, before having a minor choking fit, Hyungsik patting his back and suppressing laughter into his knitted sweater.</p><p>Taehyung stares at his father, mouth agape, “get what?”</p><p>“Some exercise,” his father says with a slow, wide smile, sitting back in his chair.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>As the family sit down for breakfast in the dining hall, Hyungsik notices his phone light up.</p><p>He unlocks the screen:</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><b>Jimin</b>: Yah, hyung! We wanted to invite you both to another party we’re having tonight. It’ll be smaller than last time, more of a Christmas Eve gathering but please bring your sister if she wants to come too. Taehyung’s coming, obviously. Hopefully see you later - around 7pm?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Hyungsik turns his phone screen to Seojoon, who reads the message.</p><p>“Appa ?” Seojoon calls to his father, “did we have plans for tonight?”</p><p>“I don’t think we’ve discussed it,” he replies looking at his wife and sister, “why? Have you had another offer?”</p><p>“We’ve been invited to a friend’s,” Seojoon explains.</p><p>“You go and enjoy yourselves,” his father tells him, pouring himself some tea.</p><p>“We <em>do </em>have plans for tomorrow though!” Seojoon’s mother scowls at him, pointing his index finger from Seojoon to Taehyung.</p><p>“We know, Eomma ,” Seojoon laughs.</p><p>“Did you want to come to Jimin and Yoongi’s tonight?” Hyungsik asks his sister.</p><p>She blushes at this question, “who else will be there?”</p><p>Hyungsik laughs, “I don’t know, Joo-ah. You in?”</p><p>Joo-young nods, darting a quick glance in Su-A’s direction, who simply smiles at her glass of fruit juice.</p><p>Hyungsik replies to Jimin: </p><p> </p><p>
  <em><b>Me</b>: Thanks for the invite, Jimin! The three of us will be there, for sure. Can we bring anything? Also, not a deal-breaker but: will Ji-soo be there?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Hyungsik rests his phone on the table, as Hae-won appears beside him.</p><p>“I just wanted to apologise to you both,” she says in a low voice, crouching between Seojoon and Hyungsik’s chairs, “your father explained everything to me, but I still feel awful dropping that on you like that. I had no idea.”</p><p>“No, thank you for telling us, Hae-won,” Hyungsik says, emphatically, “we would’ve had no idea if you hadn’t remembered.”</p><p>“Well, you may have worked it out for yourselves, some day,” she laughs, “likely in a more appropriate and less stressful setting!”</p><p>They both laugh at this.</p><p>“Sorry if we upset you, Gomo ,” Seojoon says, resting a hand on her shoulder.</p><p>“I’m just so relieved that everything is okay now,” she smiles, standing and squeezing both of her hands on their shoulders.</p><p>Hyungsik’s phone glows again.</p><p>He unlocks the screen:</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><b>Jimin</b>: No need to bring anything, unless there’s anything specific you wanted to eat/drink. Ji-soo will be here - is that okay?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Hyungsik waits for Hae-won to return to her seat before leaning close to Seojoon, “Ji-soo will be there tonight,” he says, before leaning back to look at his face, biting his bottom lip and searching for any signs of discontent from Seojoon.</p><p>Seojoon nods, gazing at his mug of coffee, “I’ll try my best to keep my <em>possessive weirdo </em>in check,” he smiles.</p><p>Hyungsik grins, “as much as I enjoy it, I think that <em>would </em>be best.”</p><p>He picks up his phone and replies:</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><b>Me</b>: All good - just wanted to prepare, Seo-ah. There’s always alpha-male energy between them which you should probably prepare yourselves for *laugh emoji* They’ll be fine though, I promise to take full responsibility for them.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“What are you smiling at?” Seojoon asks him, narrowing his eyes.</p><p>Hyungsik locks his phone screen and places his phone down on the table.</p><p>“Seo-ah, we just got engaged. Of course I’m smiling,” Hyungsik replies.</p><p>Seojoon leans back in his chair, shaking his head, “Hyung-cha, that was a shameless abuse of our engagement. You’re such a shit liar.”</p><p>Hyungsik guffaws.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>It’s a very cold and clear night, as Seojoon, Hyungsik, Joo-young and Taehyung make their way to Jimin and Yoongi’s cabin.</p><p>Taehyung and Joo-young have already made a head-start with the festivities, their cheeks glowing from the warmth of several bottles of soju, and they frequently burst into hysterics for reasons that are completely lost on Hyungsik and Seojoon.</p><p>When Jimin opens the door to let them in, Seojoon immediately offers his apologies.</p><p>“I think we might have to carry them home later,” he says, with a smile as he removes his coat.</p><p>Jimin looks at Taehyung and laughs as he meets his drunken gaze, “Yah! Did you need to switch to tea, Tae?”</p><p>“Jimin-ah!” Tae gasps, throwing a hand around his neck, “I fucking love you.”</p><p>“I love you too, Tae,” Jimin laughs, putting his arm around him and steering him to the kitchen.</p><p>Hyungsik looks at the seating area and sees Yoongi raise his glass of wine to them, one foot resting on the low table in front of him. </p><p>There are four men he thinks he recognises from the previous party and sat in one of the armchairs: Ji-soo.</p><p>“Hi!” Hyungsik says to them all, as they remove their boots.</p><p>They all return their own greeting, some raising their hands, all smiling warmly.</p><p>Two of the men who were already seated, move to the floor, making space for the newcomers and moving to the cushions on the floor, hands clasped together as they get comfortable.</p><p>Joo-young seats herself next to one of the men, “did you miss me?” she asks, leaning close to his face.</p><p>Seojoon and Hyungsik share a glance.</p><p>The man next to Joo-young laughs nervously, looking around at everyone.</p><p>Seojoon sits down in the now-free armchair and Hyungsik perches on the arm, next to him.</p><p>“Yah! Jungkook, this is my big-brother, Seojoon!” Taehyung announces suddenly, arm outstretched, pointing at his brother.</p><p>The man sitting to Seojoon’s left, turns to him and smiles weakly. </p><p>He looks young, around early twenties, with big eyes and a messy mop of hair, not unlike Taehyung’s.</p><p>Seojoon smiles warmly at him.</p><p>Jimin strides back to the seating area, negotiating himself to Yoongi’s side on the sofa, “Tae, drink that tea I made you!” he calls back to him, with a chuckle.</p><p>He turns to the two men sitting on the floor, before turning to Jungkook and the man next to Joo-young, “everyone: this is Hyungsik, Seojoon and Joo-young,” he says, gesturing to each of them as he says their names.</p><p>“And this is Jin and Namjoon,” Yoongi adds, pointing to the two men sitting on the floor, “Jungkook you’ve just been sort-of introduced to, Hoseok, next to Joo-young and… well you know Ji-soo.”</p><p>Everyone exchanges another slightly awkward round of greetings, smiling politely and nodding their heads to each other.</p><p>“Wine?” Yoongi asks Seojoon and Hyungsik.</p><p>They both nod, Hyungsik a little too enthusiastically.</p><p>“What did you want to drink, Joo-young?” Jimin asks, leaning around Yoongi and Hoseok, to see her face. </p><p>She doesn’t look at Jimin, instead maintaining her gaze on Hoseok, “what’re you drinking?” she slurs.</p><p>“Beer,” he smiles at her, “want some?”</p><p>“Please,” she grins.</p><p>Yoongi raises an eyebrow at Namjoon, and there are a few micro-exchanges around the room.</p><p>Once everyone has a drink in hand, Taehyung finally sits himself down, dropping himself on the arm of the sofa next to Jungkook, kicking Seojoon in the process.</p><p>“Tae!” Seojoon cries, scowling at the wine in his hands, as it swishes violently but mercifully remains in his glass.</p><p>Taehyung turns to him and sticks out his tongue.</p><p>“What have you been drinking, Tae?” Jungkook asks, frowning but leaning back in the sofa, pressing his head close to Taehyung’s, the two looking very cosy.</p><p>“Only soju,” Taehyung shrugs, before planting a small kiss on his nose.</p><p>Jungkook’s cheeks flush and his eyes dart to Seojoon, who smiles at him, eyebrows betraying his surprise at seeing his brother being so openly intimate.</p><p>“Yah, congratulations to you both,” Yoongi announces, raising his glass to Seojoon and Hyungsik, “they got engaged, yesterday, was it?”</p><p>Hyungsik nods proudly and Seojoon beams, as everyone offers their congratulations.</p><p>“It was the dorkiest proposal. We tricked them into doing it at the same time!” Joo-young laughs.</p><p>“Oh my god!” Jimin laughs, “you both got down on one knee and everything?!”</p><p>“We’ve got a video of it!” Taehyung guffaws.</p><p>Seojoon and Hyungsik snap their eyes to Taehyung.</p><p>“What?!” Seojoon cries.</p><p>“It’s a bit dark but you get the idea. We captured the absolute tragedy that was you two blubbering at one another!” Taehyung laughs, looking at Jungkook.</p><p>“Tae!” Hyungsik shouts in protest, reaching across Seojoon to punch him on his leg.</p><p>Everyone laughs.</p><p>“Nothing could be as bad as mine,” Jin speaks up, turning to Namjoon and laughing.</p><p>“No!” Namjoon chuckles before turning to look at Seojoon and Hyungsik.</p><p>“He thought it’d be a good idea to do it on the beach where we met and we were standing in the lapping water, and he crouches down with the rings, and a wave catches him unawares and, well, he lost the rings to the sea!”</p><p>They all laugh.</p><p>“Wow - that’s amazing,” Seojoon chuckles, “sorry about the rings though!” he adds sympathetically, wincing at Jin.</p><p>“Yeah,” Jin laughs, clutching his chest, “that hurt.”</p><p>As an hour passes by, the group become more comfortable with one another, alcohol warming their blood and Jimin and Yoongi ‘s cooking being a welcome addition, as well as a main talking point.</p><p>Ji-soo doesn’t say much at first but after several beers he starts to relax and he meets Seojoon’s gaze occasionally.</p><p>Jimin suggests they play a game, in which they break into two teams and they each have to write a famous person’s name on a sticky note, placing them in a bowl face-down, then a volunteer from each team, picks a piece of paper at random, sticks it to their forehead so their team can see the name, and then ask questions to their team in an attempt to find out who the famous person is.</p><p>They split into teams by their seating arrangement; Jin, Namjoon, Hyungsik, Seojoon, Taehyung and Jungkook being one team and the other being; Jimin, Yoongi, Joo-young, Hoseok and Ji-soo.</p><p>Taehyung is first to volunteer for his team and he sticks a piece of paper on his forehead.</p><p>Everyone laughs to see ‘ROCKY’ plastered across his head.</p><p>“Am I a man or woman?” Taehyung slurs.</p><p>“Man,” Seojoon replies.</p><p>“Am I an actor?” he frowns.</p><p>“No,” Jungkook says.</p><p>Taehyung shifts on the arm of the chair, rubbing the piece of paper against his head, “am I a singer?”</p><p>“Nope,” Namjoon smiles.</p><p>“Am a historical figure or shit like that?” Taehyung tries.</p><p>“Eloquent as ever, Tae,” Seojoon laughs, “that’s a really bad question but I think I can safely say <em>no </em>to that.”</p><p>“30 seconds!” Jimin announces looking at his phone.</p><p>“Shit,” Taehyung leans forward, concentrating, “am I a fictional character?”</p><p>“Yes!” his team-mates shout, almost in unison.</p><p>“In a film or book?” Taehyung frowns.</p><p>“Yes or no questions only, Tae,” Seojoon laughs.</p><p>“Fuck, am I from a film?” Taehyung asks quickly.</p><p>“Yes!” they cry again.</p><p>“Is it an action film?” Taehyung asks, with increasing urgency.</p><p>Hyungsik looks at Seojoon, “not really, no” he shrugs.</p><p>“10 seconds!” Jimin cries, “make a guess, Tae!”</p><p>“Fuck! This is too hard!” Taehyung protests, pouting at Jungkook, who laughs at him, “<em> Scarface </em>!”</p><p>Hyungsik laughs into Seojoon’s hair, before shouting, ”that’s a film, Tae-Tae! No, it’s not Tony Montana!”</p><p>“One more guess, quickly!” Jimin shouts.</p><p>“Mufasa!” Taehyung sputters.</p><p>His team-mates all laugh.</p><p>“How did your brain go from <em>Scarface </em>to <em>The Lion King </em>?!” Seojoon shakes his head at his brother.</p><p>“So that’s a <em>no </em>then,” Taehyung says sadly, before turning to Jungkook for consolation, “who was it?”</p><p>“<em>Rocky </em>,” Seojoon and Hyungsik say in unison.</p><p>“That’s an action film!” Taehyung protests.</p><p>“In what way is <em>Rocky </em>an action film?!” Seojoon scowls, shaking his head.</p><p>“Our turn then!” Jimin laughs turning to Yoongi, before looking at the rest of his team-mates, “who’s volunteering first?”</p><p>“I’ll go,” Hoseok grins, dipping his hand in the bowl of names.</p><p>He pulls out a slip of paper and sticks it into his forehead, the name ‘LADY GAGA’ revealing itself.</p><p>“Right! Man or woman?” Hoseok asks, with no hesitation.</p><p>“Woman,” Jimin, Yoongi and Joo-young call back.</p><p>“Actor?” Hoseok fires out.</p><p>“No,” Ji-soo replies.</p><p>“Singer?” Hoseok tries.</p><p>“Yes!” his team-mates shout.</p><p>“Am I under 30?” Hoseok throws back.</p><p>Yoongi looks at Jimin, who shrugs and says “no, I don’t think so.”</p><p>“Am I under 40?” Hoseok tries again.</p><p>“Yes!” Jimin cries.</p><p>“Am I a super-star?” Hoseok laughs.</p><p>“Definitely!” Joo-young nods.</p><p>“30 seconds!” Jimin cries.</p><p>“Am I Lady Gaga?” Hoseok asks.</p><p>“YES!” his team-mates shout in unison, clapping and laughing.</p><p>Taehyung screws up his face and holds his arm across his chest, “his was easier than mine!”</p><p>“Stop being a sore loser!” Jimin scowls at him, “you were too slow! You’ve only got a minute so you have to ask as many questions as you can!”</p><p>“I also need to <em>think </em>about my questions though! There’s not enough time!” Taehyung protests.</p><p>Jimin laughs and looks at Jungkook, who rolls his eyes.</p><p>“I’m just gonna have a smoke,” Ji-soo says to Yoongi, getting up out of his chair and heading out the back door.</p><p>“Can I have another go?” Taehyung moans.</p><p>“No!” Jimin exclaims, “let other people have a go! Your team will definitely lose otherwise!” he laughs as Taehyung kicks him in the shin.</p><p>Laughing, Seojoon tops up everyone’s wine glasses, before pouring the last drops into his own glass.</p><p>“Recycling?” Seojoon asks Jimin.</p><p>“Oh, just out the back door,” he replies, before darting his eyes nervously at Hyungsik.</p><p>“I can take it,” Hyungsik offers, leaning forward and reaching out to the bottle.</p><p>Seojoon looks at the back door, before turning back to Hyungsik, “it’s fine, I’ve got it,” he smiles, eyebrows raised.</p><p>As he stands and walks to the door, Hyungsik exchanges a worried look with Jimin.</p><p> </p><p>Seojoon steps outside and closes the back door, eyes searching for the recycling box.</p><p>“Captain America,” Ji-soo smiles from the arm of the chair he is perched on.</p><p>Seojoon offers a half-smile at this, before sitting himself down on one of the chairs, eyes on the wine bottle in his hands, “I know Hyung-ch -” he stops himself, “Hyungsik told you everything yesterday.”</p><p>“What do you call him?” Ji-soo asks, narrowing his eyes, and sucking on his cigarette.</p><p>“Oh,” Seojoon lets out a small laugh, “Hyung-cha.”</p><p>“Is that private joke?” Ji-soo turns away, exhaling smoke over his shoulder.</p><p>“I guess,” Seojoon shrugs, “the reason… well, it wasn’t his <em>fault </em>but… we got stranded at that lay-by because he needed to take a leak - he told me at the time it was because he drank a large tea back at Seoul station, so… before I knew his name, I called him Keun Cha.”</p><p>“Right,” Ji-soo nods, smiling but looking a little awkward.</p><p>Seojoon looks back at the wine bottle.</p><p>“You know he’s head-over-heels for you, right?” Ji-soo asks suddenly.</p><p>Seojoon meets his gaze.</p><p>There’s a moment of silence between them.</p><p>“I’m a little jealous,” Ji-soo admits, looking at his cigarette before turning back to Seojoon, “of both of you, I mean.”</p><p>Seojoon raises his eyebrows, questioningly, but doesn’t say anything.</p><p>“Hyungsik is an incredible man, I won’t lie about that fact,” Ji-soo starts, as Seojoon shifts uncomfortably on his chair, “but I could never be what you are for him.”</p><p>Seojoon sighs, “I can’t help but feel like I owe you an apology,” he confesses.</p><p>Ji-soo laughs, “why?”</p><p>“I just can’t imagine what it’s been like for you, me showing up in his life like that,” Seojoon explains, “I feel like I haven’t handled it all that well, where you’ve been concerned, I mean.”</p><p>“Yeah, well,” Ji-soo flicks his cigarette over the ashtray on his lap, “I think the same could be said about me.”</p><p>They both laugh.</p><p>“Hyungsik thinks we’re gonna kill one another,” Ji-soo laughs, looking back into the cabin.</p><p>Seojoon turns to see Hyungsik, standing less than subtly near the window, seemingly pretending to help Yoongi in the kitchen but peering out of the glass, clearly unable to see anything but his own reflection against the darkness outside.</p><p>Seojoon lets out a small laugh watching him.</p><p>He turns back to Ji-soo, “would you find it weird to... come to our wedding?”</p><p>Ji-soo looks at him, shock all over his face, before stubbing out his cigarette in the ashtray.</p><p>“I think… I feel like he would want you to be there,” Seojoon explains.</p><p>Ji-soo nods at him, “I think I can manage that.”</p><p>Seojoon nods and smiles at him.</p><p>The backdoor opens and Hyungsik steps outside.</p><p>“Everything okay?” he asks, eyes darting from Seojoon to Ji-soo and then back again.</p><p>Seojoon stands and smiles, “all good! Although…” he holds up the wine bottle.</p><p>Hyungsik looks around them, before his eyes settle on a black box set against the wall and he points at it.</p><p>As Seojoon disposes of the bottle, Hyungsik steals a glance at Ji-soo, who nods at him with a small smile.</p><p>“There’s more food to eat and more names to guess,” Hyungsik gestures to the cabin.</p><p>“Lead the way,” Seojoon replies, his arms swinging in Hyungsik’s direction.</p><p>Ji-soo stands and follows them both back inside.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“Taehyung!” Jungkook shouts, pressing his hand over Taehyung’s mouth.</p><p>“What!” Taehyung moans, his voice muffled.</p><p>“For the second time, you can’t <em>say </em>the name!” Yoongi shouts at him.</p><p>“I didn’t!” Taehyung protests, “I said he’s <em>princely. </em>”</p><p>“You’re literally saying his name!” Joo-young yells at him, spilling her beer on herself.</p><p>“So it’s Prince then,” Namjoon laughs, removing the piece of paper from his forehead.</p><p>“Sorry, but we can’t let you have that one, because Tae-Tae’s a big, fat cheater!” Jimin chuckles.</p><p>“Jimin-ah!” Taehyung exclaims, looking at him like a hurt puppy.</p><p>Jimin presses his index finger to Taehyung’s temple and pushes him away.</p><p>Yoongi laughs at them both, a look of mild exasperation on his face.</p><p>“Oh, yah! Merry Christmas everyone!” Hoseok laughs, holding up his phone to show them it’s past midnight.</p><p>They all cheer and hug those next to them, Joo-young forcing a hug on Ji-soo, despite him declining her initial offer.</p><p>“Wow - we should really get going,” Namjoon announces, looking at Jin and starting to stand.</p><p>“No!” Taehyung cries at them, “we’ve got the whole night ahead of us yet!”</p><p>“Okay, Tae?” Hyungsik slurs at him, “we’ve got to do the whole family thing tomorrow, remember?”</p><p>“Yeah, so?!” Taehyung exclaims.</p><p>“So… we should probably go before we all fall asleep at Jimin and Yoongi’s, and Eomma and Appa kill us tomorrow morning!” Hyungsik laughs.</p><p>“You’re so drunk,” Seojoon mutters to Hyungsik, burying his face in his stomach, from his position on the armchair.</p><p>Hyungsik looks down at him, from the arm of the chair, with a narrow smile, “and you’re not?”</p><p>Seojoon raises his head and leans back to look at him, shrugging his shoulders and attempting to suppress a smile.</p><p>“Can I sleep here?” Joo-young turns to ask Hoseok, who immediately turns a bright shade of red.</p><p>“Joo-ah!” Hyungsik shouts, “come on!”</p><p>He stands and walks over to where she’s sitting and pulls her up by her wrists. </p><p>“You can sleep in our cabin tonight,” he murmurs.</p><p>“I don’t want to share a bed with Tae!” she protests, “he’s all limbs and steals the covers!”</p><p>“Yah!” Taehyung objects, standing and scowling at her, “sleep on the sofa then!”</p><p>“You sleep on the sofa!” she shoots back.</p><p>“Oh god,” Seojoon groans, rubbing his forehead with his thumb and index finger.</p><p> </p><p>Namjoon, Jin and Hoseok say goodnight, seemingly not as drunk as everyone else, and Hoseok gives Joo-young a hug wishing her a Merry Christmas.</p><p>As Seojoon, Hyungsik, Taehyung, and Joo-young leave Jimin, Yoongi, Jungkook and Ji-soo stand outside in the snow and they all exchange hugs.</p><p>Seojoon reaches Ji-soo and hesitates before pulling him in for a hug, and Hyungsik shares silent laughter with Jimin and Yoongi.</p><p>They say their thank yous and wish them a Merry Christmas before heading back to their cabin, Seojoon and Hyungsik arm-in-arm and propping up Taehyung and Joo-young, respectively.</p><p> </p><p>At the cabin, Taehyung and Joo-young have a small fight about the sleeping arrangements, Hyungsik and Seojoon trying to calm the situation, whilst also laughing at them both, in their own drunken haze.</p><p>Finally, Joo-young agrees to share a bed with him on the condition that he keeps his elbows and feet away from her, to which he agrees.</p><p>Seojoon and Hyungsik finally fall into bed, gradually throwing off their clothes and drunkenly groping at each other, their mouths and tongues all over each other.</p><p>Before long, all their clothes are gone, and they are making a lot more noise than they realise.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Four Years Ago - November 20th 2016</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As he sat down in the chair of the lobby in the police station, Seojoon felt his joints ache and his ribs sting.</p><p>He touched his fingers gingerly to his cheekbone, wincing as pain surged across his face.</p><p>He looked back at the desk clerk who had just asked him to take a seat. He was busying himself with paperwork, looking quite harassed and flustered.</p><p><em>I would hate that job, </em>he thought to himself, feeling sympathetic.</p><p>In fact, most inner city jobs wouldn’t lend themselves to Seojoon’s personality traits and lifestyle choices.</p><p>He had only moved to Seoul for the opportunities, which had thankfully paid off with his first book being fairly recently published, a critical success, even if it wasn’t a particularly financial one.</p><p>However, Seojoon wasn’t feeling successful in any sense today.</p><p>He instinctively reached into his pocket for his phone to check the time, only to remember - it was gone.</p><p>Along with his wallet and his headphones.</p><p>He cursed himself for taking the shortcut that he <em>knew </em>would be a bad idea before he even started walking down the dark street.</p><p><em>This is going to do wonders for my social anxiety, </em>he thought bitterly, <em>indoors only for me, from now on.</em></p><p>He looked up expectantly, as a young man, around his age, perhaps younger, exited the door next to the service desk and strode over to where he was sitting.</p><p>Seojoon realised quickly however, that the cop was actually approaching the person seated beside him.</p><p>“Hyung, sorry, I’m gonna be tied up for a while here,” the cop, explained a little breathlessly.</p><p>Seojoon looked at his fingernails, as there was a silence next to him.</p><p>“Shall I just meet you back at yours then?” the man next to him asked.</p><p>“Oh… um… a few of us were gonna grab a beer afterwards? You’re welcome to join though?” the cop said with a wince.</p><p>“Right…” the man started, before standing and pulling him to the side, presumably in an attempt to give them a little more privacy, but Seojoon, and very likely most of the lobby, could still hear them.</p><p>“You <em>knew </em>I was coming this weekend,” the man said, sounding quite annoyed and a little anguished.</p><p>The cop sighed, “sorry, hyung, things have been so crazy here and… I have to admit, I forgot it was today you were coming. It wasn’t until I saw your message an hour ago-”</p><p>“-you forgot?” the man repeated, “I haven’t seen you for a month and you forget I’m coming!”</p><p>There was a pregnant pause.</p><p>“I thought you’d be pleased to see me,” the man added, finally, sadness in his voice.</p><p>“Hyung-ah! I <em>am </em>pleased to see you,” the cop protested, “I’ll make it up to you. Come to the bar for say… eight… and we’ll catch up and then maybe get some chicken?”</p><p>“I haven’t got long tomorrow. I thought it would be just us tonight,” the man said then, quietly.</p><p>Seojoon shifted in his chair. </p><p>He was feeling incredibly awkward to be over-hearing this seemingly very personal conversation.</p><p>“The guys have made plans now,” the cop said apologetically.</p><p>“So, what am I supposed to do for the next…” the man looked at his phone, “two hours?”</p><p>The cop reached out to the man’s arms, rubbing his upper arms and elbows, “you can go back to mine for a while or grab a coffee?”</p><p>There’s another silence, as the man looked at his shoes.</p><p>“Okay,” he shrugged, “I’ll see you at the bar at eight.”</p><p>He walked away without another word, leaving the cop standing awkwardly and alone in the lobby.</p><p>“Park Seojoon?” came a voice from behind the service desk.</p><p>Seojoon stood up to meet the smiling cop standing at the door, feeling relieved to be leaving the lobby.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Hyungsik didn’t know why expected anything else.</p><p>It had been like this every time he visited, for the past year or so.</p><p>It still hurt though.</p><p>He did then, what he always did when they fought: he thought about what it would be like to break up with Ji-soo. </p><p>He imagined the pain, but he could feel the relief rising up to the surface to take over. It scared him how much he thought it might be easier.</p><p>But he loved Ji-soo. He was his longest friend and had helped him through some of the worst moments of his life. </p><p>Hyungsik knew though, that if they split, it would be impossible for them to remain friends. He would very likely lose him forever.</p><p>Whatever friendship they had once had, had dwindled away into almost nothing and Hyungsik didn’t know what they had now. </p><p>A co-dependence? A history?</p><p>Hyungsik didn’t want to lose Ji-soo but he had tried everything.</p><p>They had talked about the distance between them. Tried to stick to plans to meet and talk regularly, they had even discussed moving in together, but almost always, the plans would be shelved, the calls would become less and less regular and the idea of moving in together never mentioned again.</p><p>Hyungsik wanted to blame Ji-soo for all of it, but the truth was: he didn’t have much enthusiasm either. </p><p>The difficulty was: unpicking why he felt that way. Was it because he was falling out of love with him or was it because he could sense Ji-soo’s lack of interest?</p><p><em>Are all relationships this hard? </em>He thought, as he walked to the bar.</p><p>He had been killing time in the park, drinking coffee and stewing in his own thoughts, when he realised it was almost time to meet Ji-soo and his friends.</p><p><em>Some things never change, </em>he thought bitterly to himself, <em>I still have to endure his idiot buddies, just like when we were teenagers.</em></p><p>As he reached the door of the bar, he looked through the glass window.</p><p>Ji-soo was already there with fifteen or so cops from his department, and they looked like they’d been there a while.</p><p>Hyungsik checked his phone: no messages or calls.</p><p>
  <em>Fucking, thanks, Ji-ah.</em>
</p><p>Hyungsik sighed and opened the door.</p><p>“Hyung-ah!” Ji-soo called, when he saw Hyungsik walking over to their table.</p><p>Hyungsik smiled weakly, offering a wave to everyone around the table, as people scrambled to make space for Hyungsik at the table, finally offering a chair on the corner and some distance from Ji-soo.</p><p>“Been here long?” Hyungsik called to Ji-soo, with a forced smile on his face.</p><p>“We got here earlier than I thought,” Ji-soo slurred, “but we were talking shop, so I figured it’d be boring for you. That’s why I didn’t call.”</p><p>Hyungsik nodded, looking at his hands.</p><p>Ji-soo gazed at him for a moment, looking a little guilty.</p><p>“What do you want to drink?” Ji-soo asked him.</p><p>“Don’t think they have wine here!” one of the men laughed.</p><p>Hyungsik glanced at him. He had a vague recollection of him being an asshole last time he was in Seoul.</p><p>Turning back to Ji-soo, Hyungsik said, “whiskey.”</p><p>Ji-soo’s eyes widened.</p><p>Hyungsik <em>was </em>going to stay sober. </p><p>He had earlier resigned himself to the fact that he was likely going to have to help Ji-soo home later and try to hold him close as they slept, very likely crying silent tears until he fell asleep.</p><p>
  <em>But fuck all that.</em>
</p><p>Whiskey was sounding like a better idea.</p><p>He just wanted to be numb and not think.</p><p>After all, isn’t that exactly what Ji-soo was doing?</p><p>“Whiskey?” Ji-soo repeated.</p><p>Hyungsik stared at him and nodded.</p><p>Ji-soo’s eyes darted to one of his friends before he stood and walked to the bar to order Hyungsik’s drink.</p><p>Forty-five minutes passed before Hyungsik said anything again.</p><p>He sat at their table, listened to them talk about work, sports, women, men and cars.</p><p>He drank whiskey and ordered more for himself when he had drained his glass.</p><p>Ji-soo hardly looked at him, apart from the occasional rare, guilty glances.</p><p>Then, one of Ji-soo’s friends turned to Hyungsik.</p><p>“So, are you here for long? In Seoul, I mean?” he asked politely.</p><p>Hyungsik turned to him, he didn’t recognise him and it must’ve been obvious on his face.</p><p>“Oh sorry! I’m new here,” the man smiled and nodded, “I’m Kim Jee.”</p><p>“Park Hyungsik,” he smiled politely back to the man, “I’m just here until tomorrow.”</p><p>“What do you do?” the man asked.</p><p>“He’s a barista,” Ji-soo interjected, having seemingly started eavesdropping on Hyungsik’s conversation with the man.</p><p>Hyungsik glared at Ji-soo. Whiskey fuel fury flaring inside him.</p><p>He turned back to Jee, “I’m a musician.”</p><p>“Right, sorry,” Ji-soo nodded, adding a brief and barely noticeable roll of his eyes, something that went unmissed by Hyungsik.</p><p>“Sorry, did you have something to say?” Hyungsik asked him, scowling.</p><p>“No!” Ji-soo raised both of his hands in surrender, “I didn’t say a thing.”</p><p>“You didn’t have to,” Hyungsik snapped.</p><p>Conversations around the table began to fall silent.</p><p>Ji-soo looked around the table, looking embarrassed.</p><p>“C’mon, Hyung-ah,” Ji-soo laughed nervously, “it was just a joke.”</p><p>“What was a joke?” Hyungsik asked him, his anger only growing.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Ji-soo admitted, “look we’re both drunk, let’s just forget about it.”</p><p>“Which bit? The fact that you forgot I was coming today, that you ditched me for your friends, the part when you didn’t even bother to let me know you had left work, that you let me sit here in silence for nearly an hour or was it when you called me a barista and then rolled your eyes at the idea of me being a musician?” Hyungsik was now in the throes of rage and could feel it becoming completely uncontrollable.</p><p>“Hyung-” Ji-soo started.</p><p>“Fucking don’t,” Hyungsik bit back, “give me your keys.”</p><p>Hyungsik stood and held out his right hand.</p><p>Ji-soo grabbed his wrist and tried to pull him down, “sit down, Hyung-ah, you’re over-reacting!”</p><p>Hyungsik pushed his hand away, “give me your fucking keys!”</p><p>Ji-soo stared at him for a moment, the rest of the table silent and looking anywhere but at either of them.</p><p>Hyungsik wasn’t surprised that he didn’t try to talk to him.</p><p>He didn’t stand and walk outside with him or offer an apology.</p><p>Ji-soo simply handed Hyungsik the keys to his apartment.</p><p>As Hyungsik stormed out of the bar, he could hear some of the men laughing and his anger only grew.</p><p><em>I’m just a fucking joke to him </em>, he though bitterly.</p><p><em>Barista </em>.</p><p>
  <em>Because being a cop is such a fucking amazing career choice.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He wouldn’t give a shit if I ended this tonight.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I should just end it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I deserve better than this.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I could do better.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>People like me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not cops, but other people.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>People who are more like me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They’re out there!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I should just...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“Seojoon?” </p><p>Seojoon turned to find himself looking at a colleague from the publishing house that published his first book: Choi Wooshik.</p><p>“Oh, yah, Wooshik,” Seojoon smiled, “how are you?”</p><p>“I’m good,” he nodded, eyes scanning his face, lingering on the blossoming bruise on his cheek, “you look like you’ve had a rough night though?”</p><p>“Oh, yeah,” Seojoon gestured at his face, “I got mugged.”</p><p>His mouth opened in shock, hands momentarily darting to Seojoon’s face before pulling them away, “Oh my god, are you okay?”</p><p>Seojoon laughed, “yeah… well no, not really, actually,” he admitted.</p><p>“You look like you could use a drink?” he suggested, wincing before smiling, “I’m buying?”</p><p>Seojoon looked at him for a few moments, before smiling, a little bashfully, “okay sure - thanks.”</p><p>Inside the pocha, it’s hot and the strong, spicy smells of the food hit him suddenly, making him feel a little light headed.</p><p>Wooshik noticed and suggested he sit down, which he does, resting his elbows on the table and head in his hands.</p><p>“Sorry,” Seojoon said into his hands, “those boys really made me pay for trying to hide my wallet from them. My head is killing me.”</p><p>“Did you go to the hospital?” Wooshik asked, frowning at him.</p><p>“I went to the police first,” Seojoon admitted, leaning back in his chair, “I didn’t think it was that bad to be honest.”</p><p>An older woman shuffled over to take their order, and Wooshik looked at him questioningly.</p><p>“What do you want? Maybe you should eat something first?” he suggested, looking concerned.</p><p>“Soju and gimbap, please,” Seojoon smiled at the woman.</p><p>Wooshik looked at Seojoon for a moment and hesitated, before saying, “same for me, please.”</p><p>Seojoon raised his hands, “I’m fine. Honestly, I just felt a bit dizzy for a minute there. It’s hot in here.”</p><p>Wooshik nodded and smiled.</p><p>Seojoon removed his coat and settled his bag on the floor by his feet, Wooshik placed his jacket on the back of his chair.</p><p>“So how’s the next book coming along?” Wooshik asked, setting his phone down on the table and pressing his palms together, idly resting his chin on his fingers.</p><p>Seojoon nodded, eyes on the canvas wall of the pocha.</p><p>“It’s not, is it?” Wooshik smiled, eyeing him knowingly.</p><p>Seojoon laughed and met his gaze, “not so much, no.”</p><p>Wooshik was two years younger than him, but he looked like he could’ve been younger. </p><p>He had boyish good looks and great dimples which appeared in his cheeks whenever he smiled, which was often.</p><p>He wore big, round glasses, which only seemed to serve to make him look younger and more wide-eyed, but his face transformed when he removed them, suddenly appearing more mature and quite striking.</p><p>“What’s it about?” Wooshik asked him, reaching for the bottle of soju that had just been placed in front of them by the older woman, who bowed quickly and then walked away.</p><p>“Well, at first,“ Seojoon started, pouring Wooshik a drink “it was about a series of slayings in my hometown, and the crime reporter that had to return home to get to bottom of it - he harboured a dark secret, obviously” </p><p>“Obviously,” Wooshik laughed, gesturing at him with his hand, before pouring Seojoon’s drink.</p><p>“And then it was about a city doctor, who moved herself to a small country town after the death of her husband, only to find herself plunged into the middle of a murder-mystery,” Seojoon added.</p><p>“Pulpy,” Wooshik joked.</p><p>Seojoon sighed, “I think I just need to find the right idea, then it’ll all fall into place. Hopefully.”</p><p>Wooshik regarded him for a moment, nodding and smiling, before removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes.</p><p>“So, what about you,” Seojoon gestured at him, “how’s work?”</p><p>Wooshik placed his glasses down on the table, “busy. Too busy sometimes,” he admitted.</p><p>“Is it… a rewarding job?” Seojoon asked, narrowing his eyes and shrugging.</p><p>Wooshik laughed at this, the dimples in his cheeks revealing themselves, “I don’t know about rewarding.”</p><p>Seojoon smiled at him, before looking at his drink.</p><p>“I mean, I love my job,” Wooshik clarified, “it’s just… it can be thankless sometimes.”</p><p>“I hear you,” Seojoon laughed, “I’ve been working as an office clerk.”</p><p>Wooshik grimaced, before tipping back his glass of soju.</p><p>They drank and ate for an hour or so, making small talk about work, books and the mutual contacts they know from the publishing house.</p><p>Before he knew it, Seojoon was feeling quite drunk, but he was still sound of mind enough to remember that Wooshik worked for the company that paid him, so decided he should probably quit before making a fool of himself.</p><p>After pouring Wooshik a drink, the last of the bottle, he tried not to slur, “I should probably make this my last one and get going.”</p><p>“Yeah me too,” Wooshik frowned, looking a little flushed, “I’ll walk with you.”</p><p>Wooshik knocked back the final glass of soju, before standing and retrieving his jacket from the back of the chair.</p><p>Seojoon collected his bag and coat and stood up to leave.</p><p>Outside, the cold air hit him like a slap in the face, and he shivered before pulling his coat on.</p><p>The two men walked in the general direction of the apartment buildings, Wooshik's being the closest, and discussed their weekend plans, Seojoon making every effort to make his sound more interesting than he knew they would be.</p><p>When they reached Wooshik's building, he turned to Seojoon, looking a little red-faced, “did you… want to come in for some ramen or something?”</p><p>Seojoon was stunned for a moment, still very hazy from the soju.</p><p>“I mean, it’s not late and I could show you that book I mentioned earlier?” Wooshik tried.</p><p><em>This is a very bad idea </em>, he thought.</p><p>“Okay, sure,” he said, much to his own surprise.</p><p>Wooshik’s apartment was small, but neat and impeccably decorated.</p><p>As Seojoon removed his shoes at the door, he admired the framed photographs and artwork lining the white walls.</p><p>“Did you want a drink?” Wooshik called to him, as he made his way to the kitchen.</p><p>“Okay, thanks,” he said following him, looking around and taking in the apartment.</p><p>“What do you want?” Wooshik asked, “I have beer, juice, water?”</p><p>
  <em>Not more alcohol, that would be a bad idea.</em>
</p><p>“Beer’ll be fine,” he replied.</p><p>Wooshik collected two beers from his fridge and handed one to Seojoon, before resting his own on the kitchen counter.</p><p>“How’s your head?” Wooshik asked, peering to look at his cheek.</p><p>“Better thanks,” Seojoon smiled, at him.</p><p>He watched as Wooshik moved himself closer, and felt his thumb lightly graze his cheek-bone.</p><p>Seojoon didn’t move away.</p><p>Wooshik’s other hand reached his right cheek and then Wooshik’s lips were on his.</p><p>Seojoon’s heart hammered in his chest.</p><p>
  <em>This is a really fucking bad idea.</em>
</p><p>Seojoon reached up to Wooshik’s shoulders and gently eased him away.</p><p>“I’m sorry - did I misjudge the situation?” Wooshik asked, eyes wide.</p><p>“It’s not that… No… I just… isn’t this a conflict of interest or something?” Seojoon yammered, cheeks bright red.</p><p>Wooshik, narrowed his eyes and looked at the kitchen wall, before looking back at him, “I think that’s lawyers, not publishers.”</p><p>“Sorry, I just…” Seojoon started, “I feel like this would be a bad idea.”</p><p>Wooshik nodded as he backed away from him, looking a little crestfallen. </p><p>“I’m really sorry,” Seojoon said again, “I should go.”</p><p>He turned and headed for the door before Wooshik could say anything, and scrambled to put his shoes on, before flying out the door and down the stairs of his apartment building.</p><p>As he exited the building he collided with someone at full-force, sending them falling back onto the street.</p><p>“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” he cried, reaching to help the man on the floor in front of him, who was clutching his left arm and wincing.</p><p>Seojoon held out his hand and the man looked up at him.</p><p>He looked a bit younger than Seojoon, late 20s he would guess and he looked very drunk.</p><p>He took Seojoon’s hand and pulled himself up off the ground.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Seojoon slurred.</p><p>“This is… I’ve had a really weird night…” the man muttered, staring at him.</p><p>“Well, you and me both!” Seojoon guffawed, thinking about his awkward encounter with Wooshik.</p><p>“Hey listen! You’re a stranger. Would you say,” the man started, stumbling backwards slightly and gesturing to himself, “that I’m an attractive person?”</p><p>“What?” Seojoon laughed.</p><p>“Is that a no?” the man frowned.</p><p>Seojoon considered him for a moment.</p><p>He was tall, seemingly almost exactly the same height as Seojoon with a delicate face, defined features, sparkling eyes and ears that stuck out at angles at the top, almost elven-like.</p><p>Seojoon nodded drunkenly, “I would say you’re attractive,” he laughed.</p><p>
  <em>What am I doing tonight?!</em>
</p><p>The man regarded him, “thank you.”</p><p>Seojoon laughed, “you’re welcome.”</p><p>He started to walk away before the man spoke again.</p><p>“You know, I have a boyfriend and I’m not coming on to you but… you’re really…” he trailed off.</p><p>Seojoon looked at his feet, feeling suddenly really embarrassed by this weird situation.</p><p>“You’re really hot,” the man said with a swallow.</p><p>“Hyung-ah!” a voice said from behind the man.</p><p>The attractive man jumped and turned around looking horrified, as another man, also in his late 20s strode up to him, scowling.</p><p>The scowling man glared at Seojoon.</p><p>“This is my cue to go home,” Seojoon laughed and started to walk away.</p><p>As he walked he made out a brief moment of their conversation:</p><p>“Who the fuck was that?!”</p><p>“Who knows! Maybe my future boyfriend, Ji-ah!”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. The Lure of the Forbidden</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Seojoon’s phone buzzes and then the loud sound of his phone vibrating against the wood of the bedside table, pierces the silence in their room.</p><p>Seojoon and Hyungsik both groan, and Seojoon flails his arms behind him, searching with his hands on the table, for his phone.</p><p>He pulls it close to his face, squinting at the screen: ALARM 8.30am.</p><p>Hyungsik pulls the blankets over his head and curls into a ball.</p><p>Seojoon drops his phone on the bed and presses his palms to his forehead. </p><p>His head is thumping and his mouth feels dry.</p><p>He moves closer to Hyungsik, head burrowing in their pillows.</p><p>“Hyung-cha,” he croaks.</p><p>“Uhhh” is the only sound from beneath the blankets.</p><p>Seojoon attempts to pull the blankets back, but Hyungsik holds them firmly in place.</p><p>“Hyung-cha!” Seojoon groans.</p><p>Hyungsik lowers the blankets in one swift motion, revealing his screwed-up face and extremely messy hair.</p><p>“We’ve gotta get up,” Seojoon reminds him, a pained expression on his face, “also: Merry Christmas.”</p><p>Hyungsik starts to laugh before groaning and bringing a hand to his head.</p><p>“I hate Yoongi,” Seojoon rasps, “him and his wine.”</p><p>“He’s getting a strongly worded letter from me,” Hyungsik agrees, rolling over to Seojoon’s shoulder, head in his hands.</p><p>Seojoon plants a lazy kiss on his fingers and starts to sit up.</p><p>“We can do this, Hyung-cha!” he announces, “I’m gonna get us some water and some pain killers! Come on!”</p><p>He grabs Hyungsik’s wrists and gently eases him up in bed. </p><p>“Where’re my clothes?” Hyungsik asks, looking around the room.</p><p>Seojoon squints at the clothes on the floor.</p><p>“Change of plan: I’m gonna find us some clean clothes!” Seojoon announces.</p><p>Moments later and dressed in clean clothes, they creep downstairs and Hyungsik drops himself on one of the stools at the kitchen island, while Seojoon grabs water for them both.</p><p>They each take a couple of painkillers and gulp at their water until their glasses are empty.</p><p>Hyungsik rests his elbows on the counter and presses his face to his palms, “Seo-ah, I think I might actually be dying.”</p><p>“You’ll be fine,” Seojoon assures him, reaching out to touch his index finger to Hyungsik’s arm.</p><p>“I’m serious,” Hyungsik says quietly.</p><p>“I really want to take care of you Hyung-cha, but I’m not in the best shape either,” Seojoon tells him, sounding pained and apologetic, “do you think this is a: <em>we-should-eat-food </em>situation or a: <em>we’re-gonna-puke-our-guts-out </em>situation?”</p><p>“Please don’t say that word,” Hyungsik says flatly, pressing his lips together.</p><p>“Sorry,” Seojoon replies, with a frown.</p><p>They hear the bedroom door upstairs open, and both peer up to see Taehyung shuffle out of his room and look down at them over the balcony.</p><p>“You’re both fucking disgusting,” he groans, before shuffling towards the stairs, a blanket draped around his shoulders.</p><p>Seojoon frowns at Hyungsik, who narrows his eyes and knits his brow.</p><p>“Thanks, Tae,” Hyungsik groans at him, “what did we do to deserve such an early morning insult.”</p><p>Taehyung descends the stairs and seats himself on one of the armchairs, and Hyungsik turns on his stool to face him, still frowning.</p><p>“You were <em>so loud </em>last night,” Taehyung croaks, before resting his eyes on Hyungsik and then Seojoon, eyebrows raised, “we had to cover our heads like we were in a fucking nuclear drill or something.”</p><p>Hyungsik and Seojoon continue to frown for a few seconds, before realising what he’s talking about, the memory of their drunken sex coming back to them both.</p><p>Hyungsik coughs and turns on his stool to face Seojoon, who looks back at him horrified.</p><p>“Got nothing to say about that?” Taehyung cries, “it went on for ages too, it was like, one thirty and I was stone cold sober by the time you were both done. I’ll never be able to get that sound out of my head.” </p><p>Seojoon stares at Hyungsik, eyes wide and Hyungsik looks back at him, a guilty smile spreading slowly across his face. Seojoon starts to suppress a smile, and before they know it, they are both trying not to laugh.</p><p>Taehyung notices his brother's face, “Yah! This isn’t fucking funny! You’re both disgusting!”</p><p>Hyungsik buries his face in his hands, “we’re <em>so </em>sorry, Tae,” he moans, “but in our defence, we were really drunk.”</p><p>Joo-young emerges from the bedroom and she slowly makes her way down the stairs in silence, not looking at any of them.</p><p>“Morning,” Hyungsik grimaces at her, but she doesn’t look at him.</p><p>Seojoon stands up and heads to the sink, filling his glass with water.</p><p>She sits herself down in the armchair opposite Taehyung and brings her knees to her chest.</p><p>“Sorry, Joo-ah-” Hyungsik starts.</p><p>Joo-young raises her index finger and closes her eyes.</p><p>“Do you have any idea…” she starts, voice quiet and husky, “do you know how many times you shouted each other's names last night?”</p><p>Seojoon erupts into a fit of coughs at the sink, which turns into dry-heaving and Hyungsik rushes into the bathroom to be sick.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Feeling thoroughly sheepish, Hyungsik and Seojoon take all the blame for their states when they arrive in the dining hall for Christmas lunch with their families.</p><p>Seojoon’s mother tells them how disappointed in them she is and makes a fuss of Taehyung and Joo-young like they’re children, which they thoroughly enjoy, throwing their brothers scowls at every opportunity.</p><p>After eating as much as they think their sensitive stomachs will allow, Seojoon and Hyungsik start to feel a little better, and try their best to be enthusiastic as the group discuss Christmas afternoon presents and games back at the cabin.</p><p>Seojoon sneaks Hyungsik more painkillers and they exchange a small, silent and sheepish laugh.</p><p>“Merry Christmas!” a familiar voice says from behind them and they turn to find Jimin, Yoongi and Jungkook smiling at them.</p><p>“Merry Christmas, again!” Hyungsik calls back, turning in his chair, Seojoon doing the same beside him.</p><p>Taehyung stands from the other side of the table and walks over to Jungkook. He hesitates and then grabs his hand, before marching them both over to his mother and father.</p><p>“Appa, Eomma ,” he starts, before inhaling deeply and then saying, “this is Jungkook.”</p><p>His mother stands and grasps Jungkook’s free hand, “it’s a pleasure to meet you, Jungkook!” she beams.</p><p>Seojoon’s father holds out his hand and Jungkook shakes it, “Merry Christmas, Jungkook,” he smiles.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Hyungsik and Seojoon break away from the group to get their Christmas presents and agree to meet them back at Seojoon’s parent’s cabin.</p><p>Back in their room, they sheepishly tidy their clothes away and then collapse on the bed beside each other, snatching a little reprieve from the festivities.</p><p>“Do you remember last night?” Hyungsik asks him, wincing at the ceiling.</p><p>“I’m horrified to have to say that I do,” Seojoon admits, “you?”</p><p>Yeah…” Hyungsik confesses, “we were… I mean… I enjoyed myself… a lot. But-”</p><p>“Not really something we intended to share with our siblings,” Seojoon smirks, side-eyeing Hyungsik.</p><p>Hyungsik erupts into laughter.</p><p>“I’m mortified,” Seojoon guffaws, covering his eyes.</p><p>Hyungsik turns onto his stomach and looks at Seojoon, “embarrassment aside though - wow.”</p><p>Seojoon meets his gaze and a thin smile spreads across his face, “yeah… wow.”</p><p>They look at one another, eyes drifting to each other's lips.</p><p>Hyungsik leans forward before Seojoon stops him, “Hyung-cha, we have to do the Christmas thing” he grins.</p><p>“Right,” Hyungsik replies, trying to refocus.</p><p>Seojoon leans forward and plants a kiss on his lips before biting at Hyungsik’s lower lip, “maybe later?” he asks on his lips.</p><p>“<em>Maybe </em>later?” Hyungsik repeats, indignantly, scowling at him.</p><p>“Taehyung…” Seojoon grimaces, leaning back a little, “I mean, he has every right to be pissed at us. I know how I’d feel if it were the other way around.”</p><p>Hyungsik thinks for a moment, his scowl softening, “he might stay with Jungkook tonight? Since they’re all official and everything?”</p><p>“That’s why I said maybe,” Seojoon smiles at him.</p><p>Hyungsik smiles back at him and there’s mischief in his eyes, “y’know, I can’t promise to stick to these rules you’ve put on our sex-life for the rest of this trip.”</p><p>Seojoon laughs, eyebrows raised, “Oh really? And I get absolutely no say in this?”</p><p>Hyungsik sits up, eyes never leaving Seojoon’s, “what I’m hearing...,” he starts, as he moves himself, raising his right knee over Seojoon’s waist, “...is that you truly believe...” he lowers himself on Seojoon’s hips, “...you would say no?”</p><p>Seojoon’s eyes are wide and his mouth is agape.</p><p>He swallows, “okay, this was…” he coughs, “point taken. I’m powerless in this relationship,” he raises his hands in surrender, dropping them down either side of his head, mouth still agape and staring at Hyungsik.</p><p>Hyungsik gazes at his hands, smile gone and seemingly surprised to have won so easily. </p><p>He slides his fingers between Seojoon’s and lowers himself onto his chest, lips grazing Seojoon’s but trying not to kiss him.</p><p>“Hyung-cha,” Seojoon whispers onto his lips, eyes closed, “we have to get back,” he manages, “you made your point.”</p><p>Hyungsik laps at Seojoon’s mouth with his tongue and rolls his hips, pressing down on his hands, before whispering back, “Seo-ah, you’re gonna have to stop me.”</p><p>Seojoon lets out a small moan before admitting, “you know I can’t.”</p><p>“We have time, right?” Hyungsik says, almost pleadingly, raising himself up again and looking at him, face flushed.</p><p>Seojoon looks at him hungrily, biting his lip, “we’ll make an excuse,” he nods.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>One hour and one shower later, Seojoon and Hyungsik make their way over to Sejoon’s parent’s cabin, presents in hand and hair still damp.</p><p>As they enter, everyone in the room looks up and cheers, making them both flush red with embarrassment, so they turn their heads away.</p><p>“You understood that the plan was to meet back here straight away, didn’t you?” Seojoon’s mother asks him, taking the bag of presents from his hands.</p><p>“Sorry, Eomma ,” Hyungsik interjects, “it’s my fault. I started feeling a little sick and had to lie down for a while. Then we both took showers to freshen-up. We’ll be avoiding alcohol for a while, I think!” he smiles at her.</p><p>She raises her hand to his cheek, “do you feel okay now? You look much better.”</p><p>“I do, thank you!” he grins, “ready for presents!”</p><p>Seojoon’s mother looks at Seojoon, “Seojie?”</p><p>“Yes, Eomma ?” he replies, looking a little sheepish.</p><p>“How are you feeling?” she asks, looking concerned.</p><p>“I’m fine, Eomma ,” he nods, “Like, Hyung-cha said, just regretting last night and won’t be doing that again in a hurry. Sorry again for all of this, Eomma .”</p><p>“All is forgiven,” she smiles, reaching out to squeeze one of his hands, “heaven knows I made that mistake enough myself, when I was young!”</p><p>“Thank you, Eomma ,” he smiles, squeezing her hand back.</p><p>“I’ve made some tea,” Su-A gestures to the table, and Hyungsik and Seojoon smile at her appreciatively, before finding a seat on the floor next to the fire.</p><p>“Let’s get some presents unwrapped then!” Seojoon’s father announces with a loud clap and a broad smile.</p><p>Joo-young, who had been avoiding Seojoon and Hyungsik’s gaze all morning, looks at them then, handing them both a present from her armchair, and offering a half-smile, showing signs of forgiveness.</p><p>Hae-won and Hyuk begin passing out presents until they each have one in their hands, and then there’s a flurry of activity as paper is torn and voices are raised with surprise and appreciation.</p><p>Seojoon thanks Joo-young for the books she bought him, genuinely surprised as he had only mentioned them to her once. He stands before crouching beside her, to offer her a hug which she happily returns.</p><p>Hyungsik coos over his new guitar strap - it’s a deep blue with an intricately embroidered geometric pattern - exactly his taste. </p><p>The second present from Joo-young, for both of them, is a framed photo of Hyungsik, Seojoon and Nuni at one of the parks in Seoul, the sun setting behind them. He had forgotten she had taken photos that day, and it brings a tear to his eye. </p><p>Hyungsik stands before throwing himself onto his sister for a hug.</p><p>Hyuk nods his appreciation at Seojoon and Hyungsik as he raises his gift voucher to them.</p><p>They smile back before exchanging guilty glances, knowing full-well how much they struggled to think of a gift for him.</p><p>And so it goes on, presents being opened in waves, wrapping paper everywhere.</p><p>Seojoon’s father makes a joke about not actually receiving socks that year, before opening a present to reveal a five pack of Christmas novelty socks from his sister.</p><p>Joo-young squeals at the make-up palette Su-A bought her, reaching out with her arms across the table to squeeze Su-A’s hands and stamping her feet with excitement.</p><p>Taehyung stands to hug his mother and father for the expensive looking headphones they bought him, before striding over to Seojoon and Hyungsik, presents in hand.</p><p>He crouches next to his brother and says in a low voice, “you’re both unbelievable - like the early hours of this morning wasn’t enough for you. To make it up to me, you have to wear these for the rest of the day and at least once more on this trip,” he shakes his head, before a broad smile spreads across his face.</p><p>Seojoon narrows his eyes at his brother before turning his attention to the present.</p><p>Hyungsik is the first to open his, instantly breaking into a fit of laughter, quickly followed by Seojoon.</p><p>Everyone stops their activities to look at them.</p><p>Hyungsik and Seojoon hold their presents from Taehyung to their chests, so everyone can see.</p><p>In their hands, are two matching, bright red Christmas sweaters, each adorned with their names. They depict a snowy Christmas scene complete with a small cabin, heart-shaped puffs of smoke leaving the chimney.</p><p>Everyone laughs and offers comments about them, congratulating Taehyung on finding such perfect gifts.</p><p>“I’m not being sarcastic here, I <em>love </em>these, Taehyung!” Hyungsik chuckles, “thank you!”</p><p>“Put them on then!” Taehyung cries, a smile in his eyes.</p><p>They both oblige, removing the sweaters they were wearing and replacing them with the matching ones, laughing at the sight of each other.</p><p>Seojoon’s mother, Su-A, Joo-young, Taehyung and Hae-won pull out their phones and shout at the men to pose for them, so bashful hysterics ensue until they finally submit, posing in a variety of stupid ways in front of the fire, fingers and thumbs raised in hearts next to each other’s faces.</p><p>As everyone busies themselves again, more paper tearing and chatter starting up again, Seojoon turns to Hyungsik with a wide, thin present in his hand.</p><p>“Hyung-cha, you know there are more presents at home for you, but this is something I wanted to give you today,” he says with wide eyes.</p><p>Hyungsik takes the present from him, before kissing him on the cheek.</p><p>Upon unwrapping the paper, Hyungsik finds a plastic folder of some kind, inside: a lot of serious looking paperwork. </p><p>He can see the words ‘PROPERTY DEED’ on the front page.</p><p>He frowns at Seojoon, confused, before lifting the folder to see what the item behind it is.</p><p>There he finds a framed photo of Seojoon, arms raised above his head in a heart-shape, a big warm smile on his face. </p><p>He’s standing in front of a building that Hyungsik doesn’t recognise at first, surrounded by greenery. </p><p>Then he notices the red door.</p><p>Tears fill his eyes and he looks back at Seojoon, who is also looking glassy-eyed.</p><p>“You bought me the cabin?” Hyungsik manages in a quiet voice.</p><p>Seojoon just nods, eyes wide.</p><p>“How am I ever going to top this, Seo-ah?” Hyungsik laughs as a tear rolls down his cheek, “am I gonna have to buy you the arcade?”</p><p>Seojoon laughs at this, wiping at his eyes.</p><p>“Was it for sale?” Hyungsik asks.</p><p>“Not really,” Seojoon shrugs, looking embarrassed, “but I don’t think the owners were doing much with it and seemed fine parting with it.”</p><p>“I can’t believe you did this for me,” Hyungsik says, almost with a whisper, before grinning, “I’m gonna make it so fucking nice in there!” </p><p>Seojoon guffaws and brings a hand to Hyungsik’s cheek, “I was so worried you’d hate it!”</p><p>“What?! Why would I hate it?!” Hyungsik cries, before widening his eyes at him, “Seo-ah, this cabin is ours. It was from the moment you lit that fire and smiled at me for the first time.”</p><p>Hyungsik leans close and steals a brief kiss, “thank you so much,” he whispers into his ear, pressing his cheek against Seojoon’s.</p><p>They look up, wiping their eyes, relieved to see that everyone was seemingly too busy with their own presents to notice their moment together.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>The rest of the afternoon is a lazy haze of food, alcohol and games.</p><p>Seojoon’s mother has seemingly brought enough side dishes to feed them all for twelve Christmas days and by the time 9pm rolls around, they’re all slouched in their seats and a little bleary eyed.</p><p>Seojoon’s uncle switches on the television and after some debate with Seojoon’s parents they select <em>Because I Love You.</em></p><p>Su-A and Joo-young announce that they’re going for a walk before turning in for the night and Taehyung makes his excuses, despite everyone knowing where he was really going.</p><p>Seojoon’s grandmother falls asleep in her armchair.</p><p>Starting to feel uncomfortable on the floor, Seojoon suggests quietly to Hyungsik that they head back to their cabin for the night.</p><p>After saying their goodnights and thank yous, they walk out into the cold night air.</p><p>“Oh my god,” Seojoon shivers, “it’s fucking freezing!”</p><p>He reaches for Hyungsik’s hand as they walk down the gravel path, away from the cabin.</p><p>“I don’t want to go back to the cabin yet,” Hyungsik complains.</p><p>Seojoon looks at him surprised, “you want to watch <em>Because I Love You </em>with Eomma and Appa, and fall asleep on the floor?” he jokes.</p><p>Hyungsik narrows his twinkling eyes and shoves Seojoon with his hips.</p><p>Seojoon gazes at him for a moment, before saying with a smile, “you’re drunk.”</p><p>Hyungsik grins. </p><p>“So are you,” he counters.</p><p>Seojoon grins back at him before jabbing at his stomach with his hands.</p><p>“Don’t!” Hyungsik warns, laughing.</p><p>“Why? I thought you liked this?” Seojoon asks, faux-innocence in his voice, as he continues to jab at Hyungsik’s stomach.</p><p>“Seo-ah!” Hyungsik whines, trying to evade him, before losing his footing and sliding back on the path, landing with force on the gravel and snow.</p><p>Seojoon stops walking and covers his mouth, looking at Hyungsik on the floor.</p><p>Hyungsik looks back at him, momentarily surprised to find himself on his back.</p><p>Seojoon starts to laugh, holding out his hand to help him up.</p><p>Hyungsik, instead of grabbing his hand, breaks into hysterical laughter, which only makes Seojoon worse.</p><p>Seojoon, still laughing, crouches down beside him, holding his stomach.</p><p>“Hyung-cha,” he finally manages, “you’re so graceful.”</p><p>“Yah!” Hyungsik protests, “I’m more graceful than you, Mr. Chair Lift, sir!”</p><p>Seojoon pouts at that.</p><p>“I slipped, anyway,” Hyungsik continued, “it’s really icy!”</p><p>Seojoon stands and holds out his hand again, which Hyungsik grabs, pulling himself up.</p><p>“I wanna go sledding,” Hyungsik announces, as they start to walk towards their cabin.</p><p>“We don’t have a sled, Hyung-cha,” Seojoon informs him sadly.</p><p>“They do,” Hyungsik nods, reaching out with his left arm and pointing at the cabin opposite.</p><p>Leaning against one of the walls, is a large red sled.</p><p>Seojoon laughs, turning to Hyungsik. </p><p>Hyungsik turns to look at him, eyebrows raised expectantly.</p><p>Seojoon reaches for Hyungsik’s arm and lowers it, “no, Hyung-cha.”</p><p>Hyungsik frowns at him for a moment, before a smile spreads across his face.</p><p>“You never learn do you?” he grins.</p><p>“What, Hyung-cha?” Seojoon asks.</p><p>“If you tell me I can’t do something…” Hyungsik looks at the sled, “it makes me want to do it-”</p><p>Hyungsik takes off at a run, heading towards the sled.</p><p>Seojoon has a delayed reaction, but he takes off too, chasing him.</p><p>“Hyung-cha!” he calls in a loud whisper, worried that the occupants of the cabin might hear them.</p><p>Hyungsik reaches the sled, grabs it and then dives towards a hedgerow lining the cabin, disappearing out of sight.</p><p>Seojoon gapes at the hedgerow, before turning to run around it.</p><p> </p><p>On the other side of the hedge, Seojoon searches for Hyungsik before spotting him: sledding down the hillside on a wide patch of snow.</p><p>Hurtling towards the lake.</p><p> </p><p>Seojoon’s eyes widen.</p><p> </p><p>He sets off at a sprint.</p><p> </p><p>“Hyung-cha!” he calls, panic in his voice now.</p><p>Seojoon is halfway down the slope when Hyungsik hits the water.</p><p>He had watched Hyungsik try to stop himself and he had managed to slow himself down enough to not plunge into the lake too deeply but when Seojoon reaches him, he’s soaked head to toe.</p><p>“Hyung-cha!” Seojoon cries, wadding into the lake to help him.</p><p>“Oh my god!” Hyungsik gasps, trying to keep his head from submerging again, arms flapping either side of him.</p><p>Seojoon hooks his hands under Hyungsik’s arms and pulls him out of the lake, before retrieving the sled and setting it down on the snow.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Seojoon asks, reaching out to Hyungsik, first checking his head and then his arms and legs.</p><p>Hyungsik looks at Seojoon, hair stuck to his forehead and dripping down his face.</p><p>“Don’t tell anyone about this, Seo-ah,” he says sadly.</p><p>Seojoon looks at him for a moment, before letting out a laugh.</p><p>“I promise, Hyung-cha,” he chuckles, “can you walk?”</p><p>Hyungsik nods, taking Seojoon’s hand and standing, before shaking his arms to shed some of the excess water.</p><p>“We need to get you out of those clothes and warm you up,” Seojoon coos, touching a hand to Hyungsik’s cheek and pushing his hair away from his face.</p><p>“Let me just run this back,” Seojoon adds, raising an eyebrow at Hyungsik, and gesturing towards the sled. </p><p>Hyungsik returns a sheepish look and they walk back up the slope.</p><p> </p><p>Once inside the cabin, Seojoon draws the curtains and switches on the fire.</p><p>He grabs some clean clothes for Hyungsik, before searching for every blanket the cabin has to offer.</p><p>When he returns downstairs, Hyungsik has changed into the dry clothes, hanging his wet clothes over the shower, and is sitting by the fire.</p><p>“Help me,” Seojoon says to him, gesturing to the sofa.</p><p>It’s a few moments before Hyungsik knows what he’s asking him to do.</p><p>They move the sofa closer to the fire.</p><p>“You know what to do,” Seojoon smiles, before Hyungsik lies down on the sofa on his side, smiling sheepishly.</p><p>Seojoon drapes all the blankets over him, before climbing over the back of the sofa and wrapping his arms and legs around him.</p><p>He breathes hot air gently on the back of Hyungsik’s neck.</p><p>“Better?” he asks in a quiet voice.</p><p>“Thanks, Seo-ah” Hyungsik returns, voice muffled by the blankets.</p><p>He shivers and Seojoon squeezes him tightly.</p><p>“I’m such an idiot,” Hyungsik laughs.</p><p>Seojoon laughs into his hair.</p><p>“Now that I know you’re okay… That was hilarious,” Seojoon admits.</p><p>Hyungsik groans and turns on the sofa to face him, “you’re never gonna let me live this down are you?”</p><p>“It’s definitely going on your list of alcohol-antics,” Seojoon smiles at him, pressing his nose against Hyungsik’s, “just things to remind you of, next time you drink.”</p><p>Hyungsik widens his eyes at Seojoon, “Dolly. Parton.”</p><p>“Aish!” Seojoon protests, looking at the ceiling, before his eyes settle on something.</p><p>“Mistletoe?” he says suddenly.</p><p>Hyungsik follows his gaze and there, at the highest point of the A-framed roof, directly above them, hangs a very large bundle of mistletoe.</p><p>Seojoon returns his gaze to Hyungsik.</p><p>Hyungsik looks at him, pulling a blanket up over Seojoon’s arm and shoulders.</p><p>“I don’t need an excuse,” Hyungsik whispers, leaning close to Seojoon.</p><p>“This can go on our list of rom-antics” Seojoon grins.</p><p>Hyungsik pulls back, eyes-wide, “that was… more embarrassing than me sledding into the lake, Seo-ah!”</p><p>Seojoon guffaws and leans forward, pressing his lips against Hyungsik’s, who returns the kiss with a smile on his lips.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <b>FIN</b> </em>
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